Letter to Myself (2015)

Hey Quarantined Community, 

It's been a month of the shelter-in-place order in Illinois, and I have to say, this new lifestyle almost feels like the norm. I log-on to start work-from-home around 8:30-9am for the morning team huddle at 9:30. No more 6am alarms or worrying about the weather delaying my 1.5 hour commute to work.. Teams and Skype meetings are the default, and I never need to rush to make gym classes after logging off. 

It's the "norm," but it also isn't. My sleep schedule is absolute shit, I don't do full workouts the way I started building the habit for, and my motivation rides a ridiculous sine wave. While I bullet journal to help maintain some perspective and track habits.. It's still hard. 

I realize I took many aspects of my pre-pandemic life for granted, and there are days I have nothing better to do than to over-reflect and worry. I have so much I am grateful for, but my brain battles between constructive thinking and useless passiveness. The last few days have been tougher than usual, but while I was organizing my Google Drive today, I came across the letter I wrote myself for my final AP Lit project in high school. I want to share this with you because it was coincidentally what I needed to find during this time. I've highlighted some parts that stand out for me. I feel like when life throws unpredictable situations at us, we all have to use a growth mindset to figure a way through it. We can allow emotions and reactions to ride itself out but that requires us to stay resilient through it all. Right? 

This is an unedited version of the letter, and it's crazy how relatable this is even 5 years later. I hope this encourages you to reflect on your personal self-growth over the last few years, or maybe dig up the last letter you wrote yourself for a school project (hopefully with f errors, haha)! 
-----------------------------------

Written: May 24, 2015

Dear future self, 

I don’t know when you’ll re-read this, but I hope that when you do you are genuinely happy with where you are with your life. Life is honestly too short to only daydream about what might happen or what could be, and I hope that wherever you are in life right now (up or down), that you are truly enjoying every moment. I hope that you are staying out of drama and reducing your time invested in things that don’t really have value. I hope that you are following where your instincts take you, whether that’s with design & photography, business, or whatever it may be. You don’t have to follow the original path, because then you’re just taking the easy route. Life’s more of an adventure and more fun to live if you carve out the path on your own.

Present day me wants to finish grad school, travel to different cities and explore different cultures. I want to some day go back to London and study abroad there, or be involved in projects and campaigns related to environment protection and awareness, or find ways to unite people around the world with videos, blog posts, or discussions. I have the blog running pretty consistently right now (MainlyShan) so hopefully you’re still keeping that up? I want to finish my senior freeskate (done yet?) and also learn different skills so I can be a more well-rounded individual. I also expect that you have a license yet?! Please say you do... Haha.

What helped me get through my “rough” journey of high school was constantly putting situations in perspective, to breathe when situations feel too difficult, and to go with the flow. I feel that if I keep those things in mind life will be a lot more fun and tolerable. There are people on this planet that take life way too seriously, but I want to be a person that can laugh at the things that happen and stay resilient through the changes that will inevitably occur. I am still in shock that my childhood is almost ending, that now these stories are set in stone. The past 18 years have gone by too quickly and I haven’t had time to really process it all. I will miss so much of the memories created at Westgate, Rainbow Park, Miller, Pho Hoa, and the numerous parks and viewpoints that have helped me relax in nature. My parents have helped me get involved with so many extra-curriculars, and now I have to define my interests on my own. 

Success isn’t how much money you’re making, how many people approve of you, or the awards and medals you receive. Success is feeling passionate about the things you choose to pursue, having the drive to always continue improving, and being happy and proud of where you are in life. No one needs to give a stamp of approval except for you. If you aren’t happy with where your life stands, then do something to fix it, even if it only makes a small difference. Staying committed to those interests demonstrate your character, and if I learned anything from the last couple of years, is that giving up and being a quitter (whether for a skating test, any commitment) won’t feel good or get you anywhere. I hope that weakness has become a strength. 

If you are having a hard time forgiving someone or a situation, remember that the quicker you let go, the more opportunities will come your way. Sometimes unhealthy cycles only hinder us from success and true happiness, and although it is hard to forget and let go, it will only do us good in the long run. Staying humble and reflective is also something I want to maintain throughout my life, so hopefully you haven’t forgotten that yet. 

I suppose I have a lot of expectations on you, future self, but setting expectations is better than not setting any. It’s OK if not everything turns out the way I may be expecting right now, but as long as you don’t give up on yourself and still aim for that upward trend in life, I’m positive you’ll be fine. I’m proud of you anyway! 

With love,

Shannon Lee in 2015

6 Months of Adulthood, 6 Lessons I've Learned

Ay, I've reached my first adulting milestone. It's been 6 months post-grad working in Chicago (Northbrook) now, and I can tell ya a lot has changed. It's a given that people continue to evolve as time passes, but I've never noticed this drastic of a change in myself before. My priorities have changed, my mindset has shifted, and I really don't have energy/time for bullshit. If you know me at all, it's crazy how far we've come, honestly.

Below are six things I've learned/realized over the last six months since graduation.

1. I care a lot more about money than I thought I would. 
"It's not about the money, it's about doing what you love." What I've realized for me is, it's about earning the money so I can live the lifestyle I want and comfortably fund my experiences. Yes, I want to also enjoy what I'm doing in the professional setting but I, more importantly, I want to be good at it. There are inevitably going to be skillsets I wish I could be amazing at but doesn't come as naturally to me. If I have to spend excessively more time to learn and perfect a skill/role when my job on the line, that may cause more stress than joy at this point. Sometimes my pride/stubbornness gets in the way of being efficient with my talents. If you've seen the posts (@casualgrit) on the recent book I read, Good to Great by Jim Collins, Jim mentions the Hedgehog Concept in his research. Essentially, it is the intersection of passion, your economic engine ($), and what you're good at that will create peak success. For me, this resonated and has driven the change in how I view my financial goals in life. There's still a long way to go, but realizing what my first steps are is a good start. 

2. Time spent in the office/on the commute drains my energy more than I had anticipated. 
In high school, many of us had workouts/sports practice before school at 8am, finished school around 3-4pm and continued on with 3-4 other extra-curriculars before studying and completing homework in the eveing. College was a different story (iykyk), but when I started my 8:30-4pm job, I assumed I would have time and energy to do a lot more and be productive after work. Unfortunately, I am a deteriorating human being and it is now essential I receive my prime 7+ hours of sleep and caffeine to get me through my day. After work? Oh my... it's considered a good day if I go to the gym and find the energy to cook dinner. Then I'm cashed. Out of the 5-6 things I want to "work on" after I get home from work, I can only realistically check 2-3 items off my list. Bullet journaling has helped me prioritize a lot, but that is another post comin' up soon.

3a. The personal projects/goals I've ruminated on for years are taking action now with my new lens of "not wanting to live a boring adult life."
I needed the push of adulting and more given alone time...to figure out my blog. Read more. Journal consistently. Be better overall, etc. During the past 4 years, I've thought about all these facets of my life I want to improve and work on but I never had the discipline to buckle down and act on them. Distractions were welcome, and my social-ass self wanted in on ALL boba dates, study sessions at Grainger/Cafe Bene, or any opportunity to "enjoy the full university experience." No regrets looking back, but I truly would've walked away with the same memory of college even if I said "no" a few times and marked some alone time to work on personal projects. However, the past is in the past. Next for me now? Maybe a build a website to compile all my lists/documents/blogs/pages (if you have tips or HTML books, please reach out!)

3b. I want to learn about everything. Almost too much. 
There is no longer any excuse I can hide behind to say that I am still a "kid" and "don't know things." Honestly, I am still a child, but I need to survive in the real world independently now. I have a sudden determination to soak up knowledge on how to succeed on a corporate path, learn about investing/money management, be educated on LITERALLY EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE. Fitness. Insurance. Cars. Apartment hunting. Personal growth. Cooking. Furniture. News. Business. Leadership. Retail trends. Technology. Energy management. Reality TV (lol). You name it. I don't want to be a noob anymore, but I might be cramming a little too much too quickly. 

If I could give my college self some advice, it would be to PAY ATTENTION to 10% more of whatever I was involved with in college. Whether it's during formal class settings, during team practices on ice, or part-time jobs on campus. There are plenty of life/business lessons I could've learned if I was just a little more attentive. Life all ties together some way some form, and it can be beneficial in the long run to have paid more attention. Professors are experts in their classes, and I have a lot more in-depth curious questions I would ask now if I could. Don't avoid asking for help, or attending office hours.

4. Not seeing my friends all the time is actually OKAY. I really value spending quality time with people who I vibe with...and that's about it.  
My biggest fear and worry towards the end of my senior year was not being able to find people to hang around whenever I wanted. A huge benefit of living on campus in the middle of cornfields was how easily accessible everything/everyone was. I was so sad to leave it, but honestly, I am fine with it now. I don't have energy or time Mondays-Thursdays after work anyway, because I need to be a functioning adult. I am okay for naturally set boundaries to see friends on the weekends, or to plan ahead a little to meet up. I appreciate those moments more, and I am more confident in myself to be okay being alone. I look forward to being alone. It's relaxing and very comforting. I might sound crazy to some people because I wouldn't have said any of this 6 months ago, but I know a lot of friends and coworkers have expressed similar thoughts since we left school. 

Personalities are not going to change as drastically as maybe they did entering college. We all know we won't get along with everyone on this planet, but being in a college town, there was still a priority to address drama and to figure out little details to ensure sure all relationships were going smoothly and all conflict resolved if possible. We have the rest of our lives to live and so many people on this planet who are on the same wavelength. We can respect differences without having to drain energy and limited time every day agreeing to disagree. This is not to say to not associate with people with different thoughts, but entering drama to stop it isn't going to work. We've all tried.  

5. I don't need to stress so much at work day-to-day but I do need to set short-term/long-term professional goals. 
It's totally normal to freak out over small things and sometimes feel like you're playing catch-up (you're not the only entry-level employee that feels this way). When I first started (and now sometimes), I worked at home after coming back from the office just because I knew it took me a little longer to finish certain deliverables. There were times I read too much into emails from my team/manager and felt like I wasn't up to par. Sometimes, I just know I am not utilizing all 8 hours of my workday to the max productivity I am capable of. Especially transitioning from college schedules, it took months of adjustment for me to find a work routine that works for me, while still tweaking it from time to time. 

This feeling will eventually go away, or I hope it will because I have noticed my anxiety lowering as weeks go by. There will be good days and bad ones, but every moment is just a learning experience. Even if a presentation or pitch doesn't go as planned, we've gotta pick ourselves back up and show up the next day. It is what it is, and the more we can let go of the small nuances, the more focus there will on productive professional development. 

6. Taking ownership of my work-life balance supplemented by the exercise of discipline is crucial. 
No one is going to tell me how I have to live my life. Messy or clean, up to me. Healthy or degenerate, up to me. Busy or relaxed, up to me. Career-focused or life experience focused, up to me. 100% of my life is up to me, and so many different things work for different people. I have to be self-aware and decide on what I want in for myself, then go after it.

Discipline is the #1 priority I want to incorporate into all aspects of my life right now. I'm not pro at it yet, but it's inevitably too important to disregard at this point if I want to get to where I want to be in the short-term and long-term. Here's to trying, haha.

If you're in college or finishing up, know that everything will work out. Seriously, time doesn't just heal pain/scars, it also broadens horizons and pulls away from the intensity of fear of the unknown. Stress less, and enjoy the process (as Peter says to the girls in the Bachelor). Just like when we all freaked out about college when we were high school minions, the same goes for adulthood. More might be on the line now, but we're also more capable than we were 4+ years ago. Or I'd at least hope so! 

'Till next time, 
Shan

I Dreaded Adulthood... So This is What I'm Doing

Hey there,

If you've read any of my previous posts, you already know that I can be nostalgic and sentimental, or maybe even a little angsty... especially during larger transitions in my life. I adored my time at U of I, and although moving on from times like that has exciting aspects, there are definitely bitter moments intertwined with it.

As I finalized my plan to move to Chicago earlier this year, I vowed to myself that the start of my adulthood wouldn't mean a mundane routine, drained energy, and a fast deterioration of my physical and mental health. I wanted to peak during adulthood, not plateau. Yes, I do feel that being 22-years-old is old as shit, but also after entering the real workforce, I've realize how young I truly am. I have so much growth and change ahead of me, but I get wrapped up in the sad thought of my childhood ending, forgetting to embrace the upcoming chapter in life. There is the generalization that post-college means no more fun, and solely work, work, work. That's definitely a fair concern, because with the "free" time comes the need to be in bed by a responsible hour, paying bills on time, and finishing up daily life chores that seemed to complete itself back when I was living with my parents.. I know that not everything about adulting is sunshine and perfection, but would life be interesting without any learning curves or difficult times? If anything, I personally feel liberated knowing I have so much control over my own life to drive whatever kind of life I picture.

I'm quickly learning that just because I get off work by 3:45p most days, it doesn't mean I'll even have the energy to be the college version of me, and neither do my friends/coworkers. I'm still working through understanding personal finance/budgeting, balancing that with making the most of summertime Chicago, finishing up with my apartment/room decorating, and setting aside whatever additional time I have to learn to cook. Oh, and gym regularly.

What motivates me and helps me be more productive every day is the reminder that I have so much to continuously work on. I want to do so much, and the key strategy to accomplish that is to do my best to balance everything. I have a running LIST of all the events or restaurants/bars I want to visit in the city (social butterfly side), and also a separate list of self-development plans and books (professional development/forever student side) my currently ambitious self wants to tackle. 

For somewhat of a summary, here are actions I have taken to work towards where I want to be in my new adult life: 

• I had trouble waking up earlier every day to my 6 alarms, so I decided to start taking vitamins, making coffee, and eating a snack every morning so I don't waste more money, and sleeping earlier (yes, that's the hardest one for me right now). 
• I knew I was vitamin D deficient based on where I live and the adjustment from life in California, but I also took the Care-Of quiz to see which supplements I could buy separately. So far, vitamin D/B-complex/Rhodiola have helped with my energy levels because that has been the biggest struggle for me. 
• I have a one hour and fifteen minute commute to and from work up north, and I have no regrets about that. Reading maps every day is allowing me to better understand the geography/streets of where things are laid out in Chicago, which wasn't always my forte. I listen to podcasts on Spotify, read a few pages of my book, and also save some time for dance videos/vlogs on YouTube. My friend Ishani introduced me to Morning Brew, so that's been my daily read, too. I say all this, but of course, I also nap. It's been a little better, but it's still a common occurrence. Classic Shannon move, I know.
• Podcasts that I've listened to so far: Finance podcasts by Bobby S., the SHE podcast by Jordan Lee Dooley (for self-development), Kwik Brain by Jim Kwik (mental sharpness), On Purpose by Jay Shetty (motivational/adulting), and Ep 73 of Asian Not Asian by Fumi Abe & Mic Nguyen
• Book: Good to Great, by Jim Collins 
• As for the gym, I have been increasing my visits at Equinox, getting myself to get to know the instructors and staff there so I feel more acquainted. I have to say, the classes offered at Equinox are top-notch and definitely a different experience than whatever classes I've tried before. I especially love the resistance band workouts, and I just recently tried a very dynamic RMT class and results in a solid full-body workout. I know that Equinox's membership adds up (as does so many other studios like CorePower, OrangeTheory, Studio Three, etc.), but if you'd be interested in a more in-depth explanation about gyms/fitness centers and how/why I picked Equinox, DM me or COMMENT below! 
• I think, overall, prioritizing myself for once has been a vital source of my own happiness. I don't mean being inconsiderate of others or being selfish. It's understanding that a genuinely happy me means a better friend, coworker, team member, or family member to everyone around me. 
• Work, gymming, and decorating my room have been my main priorities lately, but I also aim to develop and maintain other skills and interests. This is a part of the reason I want to document my journey/process on this blog, find time to skate one weekend, and eventually start editing some of the video footage I have for vlog montages.

Life has so much to offer, and I think that not enough people (including myself) take advantage of it. I'm doing what I can to slowly change my lifestyle and mindset so I can best optimize my independence and make the most of my time in the city. Who knows where I'll be a few years from now, right? I want to know that I put myself in front of opportunities to explore, develop, and also connect with the culture and people of this city. 

Here is the apartment list I made for moving into my first unfurnished apartment. Feel free to use as reference if you're moving, too. 

See you soon! 

Shan 

A Month in Chi - July 2019

So... my life journey continues... in Chicago, Illinois, when I officially moved earlier this month. I'm slowly picking up on the commuter life, importance of credit building, and owning my life completely independently. Here's an extensive summary of the past month because I am crappy at journaling, but I still want to somehow document my adventures to date and share it with whoever is a little curious.. or bored! I bolded keywords for you, haha.

July week 1

• Ubered to work an hour away on the first day of orientation. I sounded like a monster when I introduced myself because my sickness was on/off still from Europe
• Three days into orientation - I was basically just a fiend for the free coffee
• I built furniture every day this week after work, and actually found it quite stress-relieving.. until I pieced my bed frame the wrong way and had to buy a new drill to make new holes on the other side. My bed is currently still upright so I'm guessing I did okay 
• Happy hour @ North Branch was the first social event with the cohort. I've never had bombass chicken tenders with a good margarita before.. usually not the typical combo, but hey, who's complaining when there's good food/drink? 
• We spent the last half of Wednesday volunteering at Feed My Starving Children. It went by quickly and it was a great way for us to bond and get to know each other better, all the while packaging food for children who aren't guaranteed access to basic foods every day 
• My apartment is in a prime location (East Lincoln Park, off of Diversey), AND there are dogs everywhere in and out of my apartment
• I'm becoming best friends with the maintenance guy at my apartment. His name is Oscar -- he's a lifesaver for bringing up all my heavier apartment items, love him
• Stores near me: ramen, Nail Bar, TJMaxx, Target, Express, Walgreens, Francesca's, Urban, Trader Joe's, SO BASICALLY IT'S PRETTY LIT
• My skating teammate Kaitlyn's bridal shower weekend was celebrated at Flight Club in the evening, and I genuinely had a great time catching up with everyone. Can't wait for the wedding, it'll be my first! 

July week 2

• Post Greek reunion, Shika finally moved in and our Cali friends (ft. Hersh, Akshay and Sudana) came to visit. Our Lakeview neighbors also came to say hi!  
• Every day after work, I'd meet them for HH, and we even did an architectural river tour and watched fireworks -- I love being adventurous and trying new things in the city. If you have any recommendations or just want to catch up, hit me up! 
• We walked by the lantern festival one day and also chilled by North Avenue Beach. I publicly apologize for any Chicago/Illinois locals who I said the Lake didn't have a real beach, 'cause it's beautiful.
• HH this week was at Benchmark on N Clark St, and honestly I'd love to spend more time exploring these bars. Earlier in the week I also went to The Vig to catch up with a high school classmate who started working downtown as well. Honestly, just overall wholesome 
• My humanities ass started training on Excel, and I worked more directly with my team. I am so grateful for Encompass (a subsidiary of Allstate)  & the team I have the opportunity to work with for the next year

July week 3

• I've started listening to self-dev and personal finance/investment podcasts (oh yes, I said podcasts. Never thought I'd be cool enough for podcasts) to make use of my 1.5 hour commute to and from work 
• Our Encompass outing this Thursday allowed for us to have a half day, where we spent 30 minutes at a local baseball game using up our drink vouchers
• On Friday, we had a mini UIUC reunion for our friend Anusha, where we went to Catina Loredo for dinner and then partied at Liqrbox. The Mustache Crawl was the next morning, and around 10-15 people from the cohort pregamed together before heading over to Wrigleyville. We even had a cohort/friend with his first placement in NY visit us
• I napped from 3-5p that day, and still managed to go to Bottled Blonde & Concrete with my roommate. I recovered all of Sunday. Seriously. It was rough walking into work on Monday
• I am starting to compile a list for fitness studios/clubs as I try out their free trials, as well as a general list for restaurant/bars/events in Chicago worth giving a shot (disclaimer - there's a lot) 

July week 4

• I started this week by trying out OrangeTheory @ Lincoln Park. It is honestly an extremely friendly atmosphere, and I got a kick out of the workout. I haven't physically moved that much in over a month (I'm not sure building furniture would count towards my sweat count), but I am proud I got myself off the couch. Fitness programs/studios are generally overpriced, but if you like a guided class and motivation from others also working out around you, I'd definitely say go for it. The instructors are well qualified & extremely helpful, and there is also a heart-rate monitor that is displayed by colors during the 1-hour workout.
• A pro about working for an Allstate subsidiary company is that there is already a lot more for me to be involved with at work. I wake up almost every day at 5a now to try and work from home/wake up at the Starbucks one block away from me, before my bus at 6:48a. 
• I slept with colder temperature last night and noticed that I woke up less groggy. Maybe working out is worth it, and the temperature is helping me fall asleep better
• Caught up with Parth with some much needed boba and pho, before he starts his aduling journey in dental school *woot woot*
• Went grocery shopping for the first time with Shika, with multiple grocery stores so close to us, I'm surprised we haven't gone at all. This should help my budgeting be more clear after August so that I can plan accordingly
• Called LA Fitness for a quote & toured Equinox Lincoln Park today. With the summer sale, U of I discount, and starting membership pro-rated at the end of the month... I am paying for an elite fitness club with comparable membership to Corepower and Orange Theory. Yup, I signed up on the spot (...some say I am easily impressed/persuaded. I'll let you know if I regret acting so rash in a few months)

There's the summary. Be back soon? Who knows. I am good at this annual blogging thing. So we'll just go with the flow, haha. Here's some shameless self-plug: 

@shannonylee for all social medias, and @shan7lee for a candid diary version on Instagram (finsta but not)

Shan

February Thoughts

Life is about experiencing new things, taking risks, being bold, and making connections with other people. College is a very good place for all of those things to happen, but I feel like a lot of people do those things without having much thought behind it besides "having fun." I'm not saying that everything needs to be taken seriously all the time, but I believe in the meaningful memories created even during those temporary, brief moments in a conversation held with a stranger or during the times we step out of our comfort zones.

I've got 3 years and part of a semester left of my time in my undergrad life, and I want to make the most out of it. Time is going to fly by, and life is only going to get busier. This means that I need to stop overanalyzing so many aspects of my life, and just live a little. One of my teammates told me something I really like. She said "regrets aren't made, they are lived." I don't think this means to just disregard everything and go do things that I know I won't be proud of, but I interpret it as a way to follow my gut sometimes and be open-minded to change of perspectives and thoughts. Knowing myself and how I reflect, self-evaluate, and analyze every situation a lot through detailed emotional dissection, that isn't always a good thing. If being scared of making a regret is the only thing holding me back, then it's not quite worth it. My morals and values are still with me and will be with me for the rest of my life, but some tweaks here and there will help me grow more as a person.

I shouldn't be so afraid to try new things. Whether that is trying out a new class, finding a part-time job, going on a date, or going out with my friends and teammates. There are so many things in life that have a gray-scale but are only perceived as black and white because of the broad generalizations and the negative stigma created by society. As long as I take responsibility for myself and own up to decisions I make, sometimes experiencing something firsthand is the best way to make a personal judgment on it.

I am not trying to tell people how to live their life because they can do whatever they want without caring about what others will think, but to put more value in a connection made with someone even during a brief interaction can make a difference in the lifestyle of college and create a more genuine and real bond between people. There are many definitions of  what a "value" is, and there are confounding factors involved with everything I've been saying, but these are just the main thoughts that have been clouding my mind lately. If it doesn't make much sense, I apologize. This is still a work in progress.

Talk soon,
Shan