My Stop-Doing List

Hey there,

I really wish I had 20/20 vision. Hindsight 20/20. Roarin' 20s Part 2. Haha jk, sorry I had to.

Of course, a typical end-of-the-year post to start off the new year "right." Could I be more predictable? It's cliche to create resolutions for the new year, and some may argue it's overrated. I agree to a certain extent, but I also can't help it but reflect on the year ending and take note of actionable items I want to hopefully accomplish in the new year. Especially for the start of a new decade.

I am a fan of documenting and connecting with others, and that is a big part of why I even periodically blog or stay active on my socials. I also use it to hold myself accountable, and for self-reflection and... of course, to entertain my nostalgic moments. I have big plans for the new year, and I figured I'd just mark 'em here so we can all see how close I reach my goals. Share yours with me if you're willing, I'd love some peer motivation. Seriously, I need all the help I can get.

I read somewhere that a "stop doing" list is arguably more effective than a to-do list in isolation, so here's my stop-doing list for the new year.

1. Stop consuming unnecessary sugars (pop, candy, etc.) // No more candy, and limit pop to once a week or only as chaser
2. Avoid impulse purchases // Let it sit for 24 hours before purchasing, and actually make returns for items you didn't want 

3. Stop dwelling or overthinking when you can't control results // Get over it!! When it's unproductive. Set a time limit of how long you're going to let it affect you

4. Stop under-utilizing your gym membership // Gym minimum 4 times a week, every week
5. Stop making excuses to not cook // Only eat out max 2 times a week (meal prep)

5. Stop staying up past 10:45 on weekdays // Just do it. 

6. Stop leaving my "Future Reads" list long and untouched // One book a month 
7. Stop being lax about monthly finance check-ins // Just do it. Find ways to continue reducing expenses, and find a way to make an allowance income 
8. Stop being afraid of your own dreams and "big" goals // bullet journal, consistent blogging/video documenting
9. Don't compromise your own happiness to appease others // Stand up for your own mental health, self-care basics
10. Stop misusing tension, inconsistencies, and stress to create obstacles for yourself to avoid more important issues // Be aware of old patterns/habits, & don't allow yourself to go back to toxic but comfortable cycles

I love planners, playing around with fonts/typography, journaling, and I am looking for a new hobby.. So I will be attempting to start a bullet journal this new year, with these 10 things as core principles to "live" by in 2020. I'll keep you updated on how things go! Hit me up with any tips at all, or inspiration.

Happy happy new year. Do some good this year. Stop fretting about the petty shit, be nice to others. Forgive when you can, and keep working on being the most authentic version you can be.

Love ya,
Shan

Putting it in Perspective

Hey, there. Props to you for actually clicking on my self-promo link on Insta or Snapchat (it's @shannonylee, by the way. Hahahaa). I hope you enjoyed the kick-off to this holiday season! I was lucky enough to spend an entire EIGHT days back home in Northern California, where it rained five of the days I was present. And no, I do not hold any responsibility for bringing the "cold, Chicago" weather over there. Nice try. Although I low-key did miss Chicago a little. This was my first break since I started adult-working, so it felt bizarre not going back to Champaign to squad up with my buddies in preparation for finals.

What did I do this break? No one asked. But I'll tell you anyway. I had wayyyy too much boba and ramen. The options here are endless. My friends know how much I love it, so grabbing tea or coffee is usually a top suggestion every hangout. I just can't resist.

I've had one of the best times back in the Bay this time around. I'm really appreciative of the circle of friends I have here. Even though I chose to be in the Midwest to experience more of a different environment and be independent, it's been nice catching up and looking back on our growth over the years and also sharing our current lives in different cities. It's inspiring to me to hear what other people are up to, and it motivates me to keep my own shit together. My sister started college an hour away from home, so I was able to watch the Cal vs Standford football game with her and I also paid a visit to her campus. We're able to relate on a lot more topics now that she's going through the undergrad experience, beyond topics of ice skating and family activities. I think it's been one of the most positive changes I've noticed in my life thus far.

Speaking of change, I've collected a few dusty drafts for this blog now because I haven't been feeling really inspired to write or edit. I feel myself having spurts of inspiration because there's been a decent amount of change in my life and my mindset and I want to update on it, but it's been challenging articulating everything in words. Honestly, I also feel like this blog catches me at my sappier and emotional moments, even if it's obviously not all-encompassing of my thoughts. I enjoy expressing myself (even oversharing sometimes) on this platform because it's a relaxed, low-pressure avenue to project my inner thoughts onto something tangible. It can be challenging and uncomfortable being vulnerable, but it's always a good exercise to let go of self-judgment and fear for what others think. Content sharing and social media isn't everyone's thing, but it's always been an outlet for me to relate to others and I've noticed how it initiates conversations that may have been harder to transition during casual conversation.

I decided to type something up from this week so at least the time spent thinking about all this didn't go to waste. Specifically, the culmination of events that flooded the news this year. As 2019 soon comes to an end, I figured it was appropriate to utilize some of these thoughts as a leading point in the next year in terms of what I want to work on. We all know about the innocent lives lost through mass shootings/gun violence, and a lot of us have been impacted by the most recent passing of a UIC student during Thanksgiving week. I usually try not to ruminate too long on these topics because I know I can't change what happened. I personally didn't know Ruth George, but I feel deep frustration, hopelessness, and anger. I can't even begin to fathom the numbness of her loved ones through this loss. With all of the violence in this world, tension overseas, and the increase of serious climate issues.. it is overwhelming to grasp the profound issues occurring all around the globe.

I've also clocked a few hours watching competition tv series like World of Dance and SYTCD. It might not seem relevant at all that I just brought up, but there were numerous stories highlighting inspiring stories about the adversities contestants faced. They still find the will to live their dreams, pursue their passions, and touch people with their hard work & talent.

Now relating this back to my personal journey. My main question from all of that is.. What the FUCK am I doing to really get to where I want? I know it's always a work in progress, and I can still be happy with where I am now. But I also know I am lazy, moody, and emotional half the time. I get easily distracted and sleepy, then wake up the next day wishing I had done more.

I digress. Anyway, the point is, shit happens. Life can be bumpy sometimes. But as previously mentioned, life isn't about comparing pain and hardships. Despite all that, even with everything going on in the world today, people conquer their own personal demons every day to get shit done. I have a few comments for myself, and for anyone who finds this relatable. Either way, this is here to hold myself accountable.

Let go of the trivial shit. Gossip, petty shit, moodiness can add texture in life, and it can sometimes be addicting. We all have moments we need to vent or complain, but it's too prevalent in our lives. Even when we all know how immature it is, it still happens. I don't think people even realize when they're doing it, but it becomes a bonding activity when people don't know what to talk about. Usually, there are underlying causes that aren't fixed and won't be fixed if all we do is pick at the rotting band-aid. It is totally valid to express thoughts and stand up for yourself in certain situations, but there's definitely a line not to cross. I personally don't want to too much of my limited time on other people's problems. I have too many of my own.

Secondly, if you have dreams or ideas itching in the back of your mind for you to try, just PURSUE them. There are a million excuses you could use, and yes, it can be daunting. But you will never know how it feels until you are crossing that bridge, and simplifying the goal from A to B may help to eliminate the excuses that are there for no reason. I have a lot of goals I want to make in terms of learning new skillsets (coding, video, fitness/health) that I've been mumbling to myself in my sleep on how I want to start it. How many real steps have I taken to achieve them? Point five. Do I have anything life-threatening things hindering me from it? No. So I really who to blame except for my own, damn self. That SO needs to change. New Years' resolution inspiration? Who knows.

Okay, those are the two main things I've thought about for now. It's getting late. Have a good week, happy Hump Day.

See ya,
Shan

[Struggle Bus]...

Yo, what's up! 

It's a beautiful Friday today and I'm thriving. Just kidding, I'm cold and I honestly had one of the busiest weeks at work so far. Work has been rewarding overall because I'm learning a lot, but I feel the exhaustion kick in the moment I get home. Regardless, when I spend time thinking about the personal projects I want to build (including this blog), it helps me stay energized and I can keep chugging along, even if that means I have bags under my eyes.

A few weeks ago, I asked for inspiration for my next post. One suggestion (thank you) asked about the hardest things I went through at UIUC and how I pushed myself to get through those situations. Especially since I just got back from a weekend in Champaign for Homecoming (an unbelievable weekend, by the way), I already have been in a reflective headspace about college days and pre-adulting life. 

I'm not going to lie, my college years were one of the best years of my life but I also had my biggest L's during that time. Toxic habits, friendships, and mindsets made it difficult for me to even get out of bed or eat some days. I know a lot of people have gone through similar feelings and situations, but I want to emphasize right off the bat that every individual experience and perception is unique. I am sharing personal anecdotes, and I hope that this is relatable for some. If not, I hope it introduces a different lens and a safe space to talk about these things with others. 

A little more background on me.. to help set the scene:

• Originally from: San Jose, California

I grew up in the bubble of Silicon Valley, and I honestly really wanted to get out of that environment just to see what was else was out there. I felt lost in high school, and that made it difficult for me to discover my true interests and set my sights on career paths and/or priorities that differed from other people. I knew that I needed to learn independence and grow to not react with resentment to people, situations, and environments that I felt were hurtful to me. 

• Majors: Organizational Psychology & Communications (I started with just Communications) 

In high school, I enjoyed humanities-based classes and I already took an interest in psychology, the science behind human interactions, and expression in the form of words(writing/blogging/reading). I had no clue what I wanted out of the degree. I considered teaching, human resources, non-profit work, and social media marketing. 

• Extra-curriculars: Alpha Phi Omega Service Fraternity (2 years, Fall 2016 pledge), IllinoiSkating Club Synchronized Skating (4 years, 8-10 hours commitment/wk), Vocational Interest Psychology Research Assistant (2 years)

I figure-skated most of my life, and I was looking to continue it through college. Ice skating was (and still is) a huge part of my identity. The consistency this sport gave me was something I leaned on when I encountered hardships or inconsistencies in other facets of my life. In general, I believe training develops discipline, grit, and work ethic that goes beyond the athletics. As for research and community service, I like to diversify my experiences and meet individuals who have the same interest in helping others and diving deeper in certain subjects. 

I came to Illinois intending to expand my horizons, meet people with varying backgrounds, and I also heard the Midwest winters really toughen people up... hahaa. My experience in this college town was hugely impactful in shaping me and will continue to shape me through the years to come. 

One of the most difficult barriers I encountered through U of I was finding the value in my education, especially when I felt like my mental health was hindering me from reaching "my full potential" and being who I wanted to be. My parents were funding my higher education and had hopes for me to succeed. But at the end of the day, what was I actually taking out of it? What would I even do with my major or my class knowledge of "Organizational Communication"? I believed in my intelligence and eagerness to learn, but I was always paralyzed by discussing grades, challenging courses, career goals, and money-making priorities. Growing up, there was an unhealthy (in my opinion) emphasis on involvement mainly for benefiting resumes, completing projects for visibility and validation, and networking for promotional and leadership titles (for resume-building purposes). 

And look, there's nothing wrong with that. I now understand the importance of success and the drive to take the necessary steps to achieve it. I just was so lost in myself that I became fearful of taking those measures from an insincere standpoint. It wasn't them, it was me. 

What did I do to address my panic? I made use of my extraverted traits and overexerted myself in social settings (I still sometimes do that but with a better balance) to find genuine relationships that would distract me from my insecurities and the shame that was boiling up internally. I averaged 3-4.5 hours of sleep a night because of my morning skate practices, I said "yes" to every social event possible, and I chose to ignore the red flags or warnings in my head. You know how people say "I can be in a room full of people but still feel lonely?" That's exactly how I felt. Except I was so sidetracked most of the time I didn't even register that emotion. I was always getting boba, texting dozens of people, or getting wrapped up in unnecessary drama. 

During my sophomore year and parts of junior year, I skipped more class than I ever did. I dropped classes and switched classes numerous times to find a way to get through each semester, while not wanting to take away any of my commitments (skating, friends, work, school, and volunteering). I felt like I was constantly drowning. I'd make mistakes and put in effort to continuously patch things up. It was exhausting. I hated myself and wanted to get my life together so badly, but always found an excuse to push it aside. Push my own health aside. I felt motivation in 2-3 day spurts when I would feel like something clicked inside of me. Then I'd go back to my same damn habits. Repeat. 

Then one day, I woke up and fixed everything. I'm happy now!!! 

.. Just kidding. I am still far from "fixing" everything, and I don't know if I ever will. Which is okay. I also realized I was doing a whole lot of complaining, self-sabotaging, and very little action was taken to even try and see if different solutions would work for my problems. I tried out therapy (which honestly didn't work for me on campus). I put full-focus into job-hunting and loved how driven it made me feel (yes, the stress of career-hunting was probably the best semester of my college career). I worked out consistently and found companions to hold me accountable. I let go of relationships that were either dragging me down or where I was hurting them, too. 

Now that I recently graduated, I think it was a suitable time to "re-start." Whenever I notice patterns and habits that sap the happiness out of my life, I weed them out. Logical thinking during the toughest times also really helps center my thought process. I think the biggest lesson learned through my challenges in college was to keep taking it day-by-day. Some days, my insecurities and doubts flood my brain the second I wake up. Because I have a set routine to go to work (yay corporate jobs), it's honestly been a blessing. Once I complete the smallest task, it slowly builds momentum throughout the day to accomplish more. Self-reflection and awareness help me identify the true root causes of my problems. Even if I can't be Bob-the-Builder every day ('cause I'm still a piece of shit), at least I feel gratification in identifying the problem.

Wow, those were a lot of words to explain my little story. Regardless, know that WHATEVER you're going through, even if there are individuals who haven't lived through exactly what you have, there are humans who have felt similar emotions. Validate yourself. Suck it up when you need to suck it up and sulk once in a while if it's just too much. Allow yourself to vent. 

I wrote a post on getting through rough times and the perspective I took in high school which is still applicable for me today. Check it out if you want. With all of that, have a good weekend. Go kill it at work, in school, and in life. And then meet me at the clubs on Saturday LOL. 

See ya,

Shannon Lee (I just noticed I didn't put Shan like I used to. Too many emails sent out for work lately, haha)

I Dreaded Adulthood... So This is What I'm Doing

Hey there,

If you've read any of my previous posts, you already know that I can be nostalgic and sentimental, or maybe even a little angsty... especially during larger transitions in my life. I adored my time at U of I, and although moving on from times like that has exciting aspects, there are definitely bitter moments intertwined with it.

As I finalized my plan to move to Chicago earlier this year, I vowed to myself that the start of my adulthood wouldn't mean a mundane routine, drained energy, and a fast deterioration of my physical and mental health. I wanted to peak during adulthood, not plateau. Yes, I do feel that being 22-years-old is old as shit, but also after entering the real workforce, I've realize how young I truly am. I have so much growth and change ahead of me, but I get wrapped up in the sad thought of my childhood ending, forgetting to embrace the upcoming chapter in life. There is the generalization that post-college means no more fun, and solely work, work, work. That's definitely a fair concern, because with the "free" time comes the need to be in bed by a responsible hour, paying bills on time, and finishing up daily life chores that seemed to complete itself back when I was living with my parents.. I know that not everything about adulting is sunshine and perfection, but would life be interesting without any learning curves or difficult times? If anything, I personally feel liberated knowing I have so much control over my own life to drive whatever kind of life I picture.

I'm quickly learning that just because I get off work by 3:45p most days, it doesn't mean I'll even have the energy to be the college version of me, and neither do my friends/coworkers. I'm still working through understanding personal finance/budgeting, balancing that with making the most of summertime Chicago, finishing up with my apartment/room decorating, and setting aside whatever additional time I have to learn to cook. Oh, and gym regularly.

What motivates me and helps me be more productive every day is the reminder that I have so much to continuously work on. I want to do so much, and the key strategy to accomplish that is to do my best to balance everything. I have a running LIST of all the events or restaurants/bars I want to visit in the city (social butterfly side), and also a separate list of self-development plans and books (professional development/forever student side) my currently ambitious self wants to tackle. 

For somewhat of a summary, here are actions I have taken to work towards where I want to be in my new adult life: 

• I had trouble waking up earlier every day to my 6 alarms, so I decided to start taking vitamins, making coffee, and eating a snack every morning so I don't waste more money, and sleeping earlier (yes, that's the hardest one for me right now). 
• I knew I was vitamin D deficient based on where I live and the adjustment from life in California, but I also took the Care-Of quiz to see which supplements I could buy separately. So far, vitamin D/B-complex/Rhodiola have helped with my energy levels because that has been the biggest struggle for me. 
• I have a one hour and fifteen minute commute to and from work up north, and I have no regrets about that. Reading maps every day is allowing me to better understand the geography/streets of where things are laid out in Chicago, which wasn't always my forte. I listen to podcasts on Spotify, read a few pages of my book, and also save some time for dance videos/vlogs on YouTube. My friend Ishani introduced me to Morning Brew, so that's been my daily read, too. I say all this, but of course, I also nap. It's been a little better, but it's still a common occurrence. Classic Shannon move, I know.
• Podcasts that I've listened to so far: Finance podcasts by Bobby S., the SHE podcast by Jordan Lee Dooley (for self-development), Kwik Brain by Jim Kwik (mental sharpness), On Purpose by Jay Shetty (motivational/adulting), and Ep 73 of Asian Not Asian by Fumi Abe & Mic Nguyen
• Book: Good to Great, by Jim Collins 
• As for the gym, I have been increasing my visits at Equinox, getting myself to get to know the instructors and staff there so I feel more acquainted. I have to say, the classes offered at Equinox are top-notch and definitely a different experience than whatever classes I've tried before. I especially love the resistance band workouts, and I just recently tried a very dynamic RMT class and results in a solid full-body workout. I know that Equinox's membership adds up (as does so many other studios like CorePower, OrangeTheory, Studio Three, etc.), but if you'd be interested in a more in-depth explanation about gyms/fitness centers and how/why I picked Equinox, DM me or COMMENT below! 
• I think, overall, prioritizing myself for once has been a vital source of my own happiness. I don't mean being inconsiderate of others or being selfish. It's understanding that a genuinely happy me means a better friend, coworker, team member, or family member to everyone around me. 
• Work, gymming, and decorating my room have been my main priorities lately, but I also aim to develop and maintain other skills and interests. This is a part of the reason I want to document my journey/process on this blog, find time to skate one weekend, and eventually start editing some of the video footage I have for vlog montages.

Life has so much to offer, and I think that not enough people (including myself) take advantage of it. I'm doing what I can to slowly change my lifestyle and mindset so I can best optimize my independence and make the most of my time in the city. Who knows where I'll be a few years from now, right? I want to know that I put myself in front of opportunities to explore, develop, and also connect with the culture and people of this city. 

Here is the apartment list I made for moving into my first unfurnished apartment. Feel free to use as reference if you're moving, too. 

See you soon! 

Shan 

A Month in Chi - July 2019

So... my life journey continues... in Chicago, Illinois, when I officially moved earlier this month. I'm slowly picking up on the commuter life, importance of credit building, and owning my life completely independently. Here's an extensive summary of the past month because I am crappy at journaling, but I still want to somehow document my adventures to date and share it with whoever is a little curious.. or bored! I bolded keywords for you, haha.

July week 1

• Ubered to work an hour away on the first day of orientation. I sounded like a monster when I introduced myself because my sickness was on/off still from Europe
• Three days into orientation - I was basically just a fiend for the free coffee
• I built furniture every day this week after work, and actually found it quite stress-relieving.. until I pieced my bed frame the wrong way and had to buy a new drill to make new holes on the other side. My bed is currently still upright so I'm guessing I did okay 
• Happy hour @ North Branch was the first social event with the cohort. I've never had bombass chicken tenders with a good margarita before.. usually not the typical combo, but hey, who's complaining when there's good food/drink? 
• We spent the last half of Wednesday volunteering at Feed My Starving Children. It went by quickly and it was a great way for us to bond and get to know each other better, all the while packaging food for children who aren't guaranteed access to basic foods every day 
• My apartment is in a prime location (East Lincoln Park, off of Diversey), AND there are dogs everywhere in and out of my apartment
• I'm becoming best friends with the maintenance guy at my apartment. His name is Oscar -- he's a lifesaver for bringing up all my heavier apartment items, love him
• Stores near me: ramen, Nail Bar, TJMaxx, Target, Express, Walgreens, Francesca's, Urban, Trader Joe's, SO BASICALLY IT'S PRETTY LIT
• My skating teammate Kaitlyn's bridal shower weekend was celebrated at Flight Club in the evening, and I genuinely had a great time catching up with everyone. Can't wait for the wedding, it'll be my first! 

July week 2

• Post Greek reunion, Shika finally moved in and our Cali friends (ft. Hersh, Akshay and Sudana) came to visit. Our Lakeview neighbors also came to say hi!  
• Every day after work, I'd meet them for HH, and we even did an architectural river tour and watched fireworks -- I love being adventurous and trying new things in the city. If you have any recommendations or just want to catch up, hit me up! 
• We walked by the lantern festival one day and also chilled by North Avenue Beach. I publicly apologize for any Chicago/Illinois locals who I said the Lake didn't have a real beach, 'cause it's beautiful.
• HH this week was at Benchmark on N Clark St, and honestly I'd love to spend more time exploring these bars. Earlier in the week I also went to The Vig to catch up with a high school classmate who started working downtown as well. Honestly, just overall wholesome 
• My humanities ass started training on Excel, and I worked more directly with my team. I am so grateful for Encompass (a subsidiary of Allstate)  & the team I have the opportunity to work with for the next year

July week 3

• I've started listening to self-dev and personal finance/investment podcasts (oh yes, I said podcasts. Never thought I'd be cool enough for podcasts) to make use of my 1.5 hour commute to and from work 
• Our Encompass outing this Thursday allowed for us to have a half day, where we spent 30 minutes at a local baseball game using up our drink vouchers
• On Friday, we had a mini UIUC reunion for our friend Anusha, where we went to Catina Loredo for dinner and then partied at Liqrbox. The Mustache Crawl was the next morning, and around 10-15 people from the cohort pregamed together before heading over to Wrigleyville. We even had a cohort/friend with his first placement in NY visit us
• I napped from 3-5p that day, and still managed to go to Bottled Blonde & Concrete with my roommate. I recovered all of Sunday. Seriously. It was rough walking into work on Monday
• I am starting to compile a list for fitness studios/clubs as I try out their free trials, as well as a general list for restaurant/bars/events in Chicago worth giving a shot (disclaimer - there's a lot) 

July week 4

• I started this week by trying out OrangeTheory @ Lincoln Park. It is honestly an extremely friendly atmosphere, and I got a kick out of the workout. I haven't physically moved that much in over a month (I'm not sure building furniture would count towards my sweat count), but I am proud I got myself off the couch. Fitness programs/studios are generally overpriced, but if you like a guided class and motivation from others also working out around you, I'd definitely say go for it. The instructors are well qualified & extremely helpful, and there is also a heart-rate monitor that is displayed by colors during the 1-hour workout.
• A pro about working for an Allstate subsidiary company is that there is already a lot more for me to be involved with at work. I wake up almost every day at 5a now to try and work from home/wake up at the Starbucks one block away from me, before my bus at 6:48a. 
• I slept with colder temperature last night and noticed that I woke up less groggy. Maybe working out is worth it, and the temperature is helping me fall asleep better
• Caught up with Parth with some much needed boba and pho, before he starts his aduling journey in dental school *woot woot*
• Went grocery shopping for the first time with Shika, with multiple grocery stores so close to us, I'm surprised we haven't gone at all. This should help my budgeting be more clear after August so that I can plan accordingly
• Called LA Fitness for a quote & toured Equinox Lincoln Park today. With the summer sale, U of I discount, and starting membership pro-rated at the end of the month... I am paying for an elite fitness club with comparable membership to Corepower and Orange Theory. Yup, I signed up on the spot (...some say I am easily impressed/persuaded. I'll let you know if I regret acting so rash in a few months)

There's the summary. Be back soon? Who knows. I am good at this annual blogging thing. So we'll just go with the flow, haha. Here's some shameless self-plug: 

@shannonylee for all social medias, and @shan7lee for a candid diary version on Instagram (finsta but not)

Shan