To Freshman Year

One of my continuous goals in life is to be able to make a positive impact on someone's life. Whether that's being there for someone when they least expect it, being a genuine person, being a good friend, or just being a reason for someone to smile or laugh, it makes my heart happy knowing that I have the ability to make even the smallest difference.

Since this school year has come to a close, I've been thinking about the impact others have made on me this past year. Emotionally, the year had its rough moments. There were times I felt alone even though I knew I had people in my life that cared, and there were times I couldn't find a reason to smile or even search for something to be happy about. However, I don't want to focus on those moments because there were many more high moments than there were low points. I know I am only done with a quarter of my time here at U of I, but I've already met so many new people, learned so many new things, and experienced so much more than I would've ever imagined 9 months ago.

Before I start listing a timeline from this year, I want to note that if you are reading this, know that I appreciate even our smallest interactions. Whether that was a few seconds of a conversation,  a shared inside joke, or just a smile and a wave, I'm glad we met. Sometimes those small gestures make a really big difference in my day, so thank you.

Now to the two people I met in the bathroom during orientation, I'm thankful you guys were my first friends in college. I will miss our crazy moments in your guys' room. I will treasure the memory of finding your I-card under your bed. I will miss our silly talks about boys, and us laughing like maniacs for no reason.

To the Lynbrook classmates that also attend University of Illinois, you are the people who make me feel the comfort of home even though we are so many states away. It's been comforting seeing your faces around campus, even if it was only for a glimpse. I'm happy we can see each other accomplish many things and progress over the next 3 years. We will always look out for each other, even from a distance, no matter where life takes us. Once Vikings, always Vikings.

To the teammates that life has placed in my life, thank you or sharing a passion for ice skating with me this past season. I can't wait for more wild nights and insane road trips. I'm thankful that I'm able to experience a new aspect of the sport even beyond my high school years. You guys have all become more than teammates, but friends I know I can count on with other aspects in life. We may have a diverse range of personalities, but one thing for sure is that we're all weirdos and I love that about team. I promise I'll work on making it to morning practices on time, haha.

To the peeps of Weston, Ike, and the 6-pack, I'll miss seeing all of us gather at the Ike to study late at night or meet at the couches to swipe in for meals (when we do, of course). I'll miss the all-nighters leading up to Ike breakfast, and the 57 food rampages. Even the daily encounters and small talks in the bathrooms and the familiarity of freshman faces at the commons will be missed. I will still be around the 6 pack next year (go Nugent?), but many of us will be dispersed amongst the apartments around campus. I've enjoyed the people I've met because of the dorm communities, and I hope we'll still cross paths in the future.

To social media and everyone I'm connected to because of it... thanks for the group message flames, the silent Skype calls to keep my company, the hilarious gifs, the gateway to keeping in touch with high school buddies, and the few moments of fame on the campus story. I will treasure these memories, always.

To the few who have been there to listen and to share your thoughts, your advice, and your experiences. You have taught me to learn from the past and to be proud of who I am now but to continue to grow in the future. I really do take what you guys say to heart, and I appreciate the raw openness of the conversations we've had, and I can't thank you enough.

To the people who helped me experience many firsts, thank you for sharing a life experience with me, and a being there for a few (or many) moments of my college journey. It's during these adventurous days and nights when I really participate in the beauty of life. Thank you for opening my eyes to different perspectives, and for helping me grow more as an individual.

With a few more years left of our time at U of I, I hope we continue to grow and learn from each other. I'm appreciative of all that I've learned this year, and I'm excited to see where life takes us with the semesters to come. Congrats to all 2016 graduates. Best of luck in the real world. :-)

Freshman year at University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign

I-L-L, I-N-I.
Shan

February Thoughts

Life is about experiencing new things, taking risks, being bold, and making connections with other people. College is a very good place for all of those things to happen, but I feel like a lot of people do those things without having much thought behind it besides "having fun." I'm not saying that everything needs to be taken seriously all the time, but I believe in the meaningful memories created even during those temporary, brief moments in a conversation held with a stranger or during the times we step out of our comfort zones.

I've got 3 years and part of a semester left of my time in my undergrad life, and I want to make the most out of it. Time is going to fly by, and life is only going to get busier. This means that I need to stop overanalyzing so many aspects of my life, and just live a little. One of my teammates told me something I really like. She said "regrets aren't made, they are lived." I don't think this means to just disregard everything and go do things that I know I won't be proud of, but I interpret it as a way to follow my gut sometimes and be open-minded to change of perspectives and thoughts. Knowing myself and how I reflect, self-evaluate, and analyze every situation a lot through detailed emotional dissection, that isn't always a good thing. If being scared of making a regret is the only thing holding me back, then it's not quite worth it. My morals and values are still with me and will be with me for the rest of my life, but some tweaks here and there will help me grow more as a person.

I shouldn't be so afraid to try new things. Whether that is trying out a new class, finding a part-time job, going on a date, or going out with my friends and teammates. There are so many things in life that have a gray-scale but are only perceived as black and white because of the broad generalizations and the negative stigma created by society. As long as I take responsibility for myself and own up to decisions I make, sometimes experiencing something firsthand is the best way to make a personal judgment on it.

I am not trying to tell people how to live their life because they can do whatever they want without caring about what others will think, but to put more value in a connection made with someone even during a brief interaction can make a difference in the lifestyle of college and create a more genuine and real bond between people. There are many definitions of  what a "value" is, and there are confounding factors involved with everything I've been saying, but these are just the main thoughts that have been clouding my mind lately. If it doesn't make much sense, I apologize. This is still a work in progress.

Talk soon,
Shan