[Struggle Bus]...

Yo, what's up! 

It's a beautiful Friday today and I'm thriving. Just kidding, I'm cold and I honestly had one of the busiest weeks at work so far. Work has been rewarding overall because I'm learning a lot, but I feel the exhaustion kick in the moment I get home. Regardless, when I spend time thinking about the personal projects I want to build (including this blog), it helps me stay energized and I can keep chugging along, even if that means I have bags under my eyes.

A few weeks ago, I asked for inspiration for my next post. One suggestion (thank you) asked about the hardest things I went through at UIUC and how I pushed myself to get through those situations. Especially since I just got back from a weekend in Champaign for Homecoming (an unbelievable weekend, by the way), I already have been in a reflective headspace about college days and pre-adulting life. 

I'm not going to lie, my college years were one of the best years of my life but I also had my biggest L's during that time. Toxic habits, friendships, and mindsets made it difficult for me to even get out of bed or eat some days. I know a lot of people have gone through similar feelings and situations, but I want to emphasize right off the bat that every individual experience and perception is unique. I am sharing personal anecdotes, and I hope that this is relatable for some. If not, I hope it introduces a different lens and a safe space to talk about these things with others. 

A little more background on me.. to help set the scene:

• Originally from: San Jose, California

I grew up in the bubble of Silicon Valley, and I honestly really wanted to get out of that environment just to see what was else was out there. I felt lost in high school, and that made it difficult for me to discover my true interests and set my sights on career paths and/or priorities that differed from other people. I knew that I needed to learn independence and grow to not react with resentment to people, situations, and environments that I felt were hurtful to me. 

• Majors: Organizational Psychology & Communications (I started with just Communications) 

In high school, I enjoyed humanities-based classes and I already took an interest in psychology, the science behind human interactions, and expression in the form of words(writing/blogging/reading). I had no clue what I wanted out of the degree. I considered teaching, human resources, non-profit work, and social media marketing. 

• Extra-curriculars: Alpha Phi Omega Service Fraternity (2 years, Fall 2016 pledge), IllinoiSkating Club Synchronized Skating (4 years, 8-10 hours commitment/wk), Vocational Interest Psychology Research Assistant (2 years)

I figure-skated most of my life, and I was looking to continue it through college. Ice skating was (and still is) a huge part of my identity. The consistency this sport gave me was something I leaned on when I encountered hardships or inconsistencies in other facets of my life. In general, I believe training develops discipline, grit, and work ethic that goes beyond the athletics. As for research and community service, I like to diversify my experiences and meet individuals who have the same interest in helping others and diving deeper in certain subjects. 

I came to Illinois intending to expand my horizons, meet people with varying backgrounds, and I also heard the Midwest winters really toughen people up... hahaa. My experience in this college town was hugely impactful in shaping me and will continue to shape me through the years to come. 

One of the most difficult barriers I encountered through U of I was finding the value in my education, especially when I felt like my mental health was hindering me from reaching "my full potential" and being who I wanted to be. My parents were funding my higher education and had hopes for me to succeed. But at the end of the day, what was I actually taking out of it? What would I even do with my major or my class knowledge of "Organizational Communication"? I believed in my intelligence and eagerness to learn, but I was always paralyzed by discussing grades, challenging courses, career goals, and money-making priorities. Growing up, there was an unhealthy (in my opinion) emphasis on involvement mainly for benefiting resumes, completing projects for visibility and validation, and networking for promotional and leadership titles (for resume-building purposes). 

And look, there's nothing wrong with that. I now understand the importance of success and the drive to take the necessary steps to achieve it. I just was so lost in myself that I became fearful of taking those measures from an insincere standpoint. It wasn't them, it was me. 

What did I do to address my panic? I made use of my extraverted traits and overexerted myself in social settings (I still sometimes do that but with a better balance) to find genuine relationships that would distract me from my insecurities and the shame that was boiling up internally. I averaged 3-4.5 hours of sleep a night because of my morning skate practices, I said "yes" to every social event possible, and I chose to ignore the red flags or warnings in my head. You know how people say "I can be in a room full of people but still feel lonely?" That's exactly how I felt. Except I was so sidetracked most of the time I didn't even register that emotion. I was always getting boba, texting dozens of people, or getting wrapped up in unnecessary drama. 

During my sophomore year and parts of junior year, I skipped more class than I ever did. I dropped classes and switched classes numerous times to find a way to get through each semester, while not wanting to take away any of my commitments (skating, friends, work, school, and volunteering). I felt like I was constantly drowning. I'd make mistakes and put in effort to continuously patch things up. It was exhausting. I hated myself and wanted to get my life together so badly, but always found an excuse to push it aside. Push my own health aside. I felt motivation in 2-3 day spurts when I would feel like something clicked inside of me. Then I'd go back to my same damn habits. Repeat. 

Then one day, I woke up and fixed everything. I'm happy now!!! 

.. Just kidding. I am still far from "fixing" everything, and I don't know if I ever will. Which is okay. I also realized I was doing a whole lot of complaining, self-sabotaging, and very little action was taken to even try and see if different solutions would work for my problems. I tried out therapy (which honestly didn't work for me on campus). I put full-focus into job-hunting and loved how driven it made me feel (yes, the stress of career-hunting was probably the best semester of my college career). I worked out consistently and found companions to hold me accountable. I let go of relationships that were either dragging me down or where I was hurting them, too. 

Now that I recently graduated, I think it was a suitable time to "re-start." Whenever I notice patterns and habits that sap the happiness out of my life, I weed them out. Logical thinking during the toughest times also really helps center my thought process. I think the biggest lesson learned through my challenges in college was to keep taking it day-by-day. Some days, my insecurities and doubts flood my brain the second I wake up. Because I have a set routine to go to work (yay corporate jobs), it's honestly been a blessing. Once I complete the smallest task, it slowly builds momentum throughout the day to accomplish more. Self-reflection and awareness help me identify the true root causes of my problems. Even if I can't be Bob-the-Builder every day ('cause I'm still a piece of shit), at least I feel gratification in identifying the problem.

Wow, those were a lot of words to explain my little story. Regardless, know that WHATEVER you're going through, even if there are individuals who haven't lived through exactly what you have, there are humans who have felt similar emotions. Validate yourself. Suck it up when you need to suck it up and sulk once in a while if it's just too much. Allow yourself to vent. 

I wrote a post on getting through rough times and the perspective I took in high school which is still applicable for me today. Check it out if you want. With all of that, have a good weekend. Go kill it at work, in school, and in life. And then meet me at the clubs on Saturday LOL. 

See ya,

Shannon Lee (I just noticed I didn't put Shan like I used to. Too many emails sent out for work lately, haha)

I Dreaded Adulthood... So This is What I'm Doing

Hey there,

If you've read any of my previous posts, you already know that I can be nostalgic and sentimental, or maybe even a little angsty... especially during larger transitions in my life. I adored my time at U of I, and although moving on from times like that has exciting aspects, there are definitely bitter moments intertwined with it.

As I finalized my plan to move to Chicago earlier this year, I vowed to myself that the start of my adulthood wouldn't mean a mundane routine, drained energy, and a fast deterioration of my physical and mental health. I wanted to peak during adulthood, not plateau. Yes, I do feel that being 22-years-old is old as shit, but also after entering the real workforce, I've realize how young I truly am. I have so much growth and change ahead of me, but I get wrapped up in the sad thought of my childhood ending, forgetting to embrace the upcoming chapter in life. There is the generalization that post-college means no more fun, and solely work, work, work. That's definitely a fair concern, because with the "free" time comes the need to be in bed by a responsible hour, paying bills on time, and finishing up daily life chores that seemed to complete itself back when I was living with my parents.. I know that not everything about adulting is sunshine and perfection, but would life be interesting without any learning curves or difficult times? If anything, I personally feel liberated knowing I have so much control over my own life to drive whatever kind of life I picture.

I'm quickly learning that just because I get off work by 3:45p most days, it doesn't mean I'll even have the energy to be the college version of me, and neither do my friends/coworkers. I'm still working through understanding personal finance/budgeting, balancing that with making the most of summertime Chicago, finishing up with my apartment/room decorating, and setting aside whatever additional time I have to learn to cook. Oh, and gym regularly.

What motivates me and helps me be more productive every day is the reminder that I have so much to continuously work on. I want to do so much, and the key strategy to accomplish that is to do my best to balance everything. I have a running LIST of all the events or restaurants/bars I want to visit in the city (social butterfly side), and also a separate list of self-development plans and books (professional development/forever student side) my currently ambitious self wants to tackle. 

For somewhat of a summary, here are actions I have taken to work towards where I want to be in my new adult life: 

• I had trouble waking up earlier every day to my 6 alarms, so I decided to start taking vitamins, making coffee, and eating a snack every morning so I don't waste more money, and sleeping earlier (yes, that's the hardest one for me right now). 
• I knew I was vitamin D deficient based on where I live and the adjustment from life in California, but I also took the Care-Of quiz to see which supplements I could buy separately. So far, vitamin D/B-complex/Rhodiola have helped with my energy levels because that has been the biggest struggle for me. 
• I have a one hour and fifteen minute commute to and from work up north, and I have no regrets about that. Reading maps every day is allowing me to better understand the geography/streets of where things are laid out in Chicago, which wasn't always my forte. I listen to podcasts on Spotify, read a few pages of my book, and also save some time for dance videos/vlogs on YouTube. My friend Ishani introduced me to Morning Brew, so that's been my daily read, too. I say all this, but of course, I also nap. It's been a little better, but it's still a common occurrence. Classic Shannon move, I know.
• Podcasts that I've listened to so far: Finance podcasts by Bobby S., the SHE podcast by Jordan Lee Dooley (for self-development), Kwik Brain by Jim Kwik (mental sharpness), On Purpose by Jay Shetty (motivational/adulting), and Ep 73 of Asian Not Asian by Fumi Abe & Mic Nguyen
• Book: Good to Great, by Jim Collins 
• As for the gym, I have been increasing my visits at Equinox, getting myself to get to know the instructors and staff there so I feel more acquainted. I have to say, the classes offered at Equinox are top-notch and definitely a different experience than whatever classes I've tried before. I especially love the resistance band workouts, and I just recently tried a very dynamic RMT class and results in a solid full-body workout. I know that Equinox's membership adds up (as does so many other studios like CorePower, OrangeTheory, Studio Three, etc.), but if you'd be interested in a more in-depth explanation about gyms/fitness centers and how/why I picked Equinox, DM me or COMMENT below! 
• I think, overall, prioritizing myself for once has been a vital source of my own happiness. I don't mean being inconsiderate of others or being selfish. It's understanding that a genuinely happy me means a better friend, coworker, team member, or family member to everyone around me. 
• Work, gymming, and decorating my room have been my main priorities lately, but I also aim to develop and maintain other skills and interests. This is a part of the reason I want to document my journey/process on this blog, find time to skate one weekend, and eventually start editing some of the video footage I have for vlog montages.

Life has so much to offer, and I think that not enough people (including myself) take advantage of it. I'm doing what I can to slowly change my lifestyle and mindset so I can best optimize my independence and make the most of my time in the city. Who knows where I'll be a few years from now, right? I want to know that I put myself in front of opportunities to explore, develop, and also connect with the culture and people of this city. 

Here is the apartment list I made for moving into my first unfurnished apartment. Feel free to use as reference if you're moving, too. 

See you soon! 

Shan 

A Month in Chi - July 2019

So... my life journey continues... in Chicago, Illinois, when I officially moved earlier this month. I'm slowly picking up on the commuter life, importance of credit building, and owning my life completely independently. Here's an extensive summary of the past month because I am crappy at journaling, but I still want to somehow document my adventures to date and share it with whoever is a little curious.. or bored! I bolded keywords for you, haha.

July week 1

• Ubered to work an hour away on the first day of orientation. I sounded like a monster when I introduced myself because my sickness was on/off still from Europe
• Three days into orientation - I was basically just a fiend for the free coffee
• I built furniture every day this week after work, and actually found it quite stress-relieving.. until I pieced my bed frame the wrong way and had to buy a new drill to make new holes on the other side. My bed is currently still upright so I'm guessing I did okay 
• Happy hour @ North Branch was the first social event with the cohort. I've never had bombass chicken tenders with a good margarita before.. usually not the typical combo, but hey, who's complaining when there's good food/drink? 
• We spent the last half of Wednesday volunteering at Feed My Starving Children. It went by quickly and it was a great way for us to bond and get to know each other better, all the while packaging food for children who aren't guaranteed access to basic foods every day 
• My apartment is in a prime location (East Lincoln Park, off of Diversey), AND there are dogs everywhere in and out of my apartment
• I'm becoming best friends with the maintenance guy at my apartment. His name is Oscar -- he's a lifesaver for bringing up all my heavier apartment items, love him
• Stores near me: ramen, Nail Bar, TJMaxx, Target, Express, Walgreens, Francesca's, Urban, Trader Joe's, SO BASICALLY IT'S PRETTY LIT
• My skating teammate Kaitlyn's bridal shower weekend was celebrated at Flight Club in the evening, and I genuinely had a great time catching up with everyone. Can't wait for the wedding, it'll be my first! 

July week 2

• Post Greek reunion, Shika finally moved in and our Cali friends (ft. Hersh, Akshay and Sudana) came to visit. Our Lakeview neighbors also came to say hi!  
• Every day after work, I'd meet them for HH, and we even did an architectural river tour and watched fireworks -- I love being adventurous and trying new things in the city. If you have any recommendations or just want to catch up, hit me up! 
• We walked by the lantern festival one day and also chilled by North Avenue Beach. I publicly apologize for any Chicago/Illinois locals who I said the Lake didn't have a real beach, 'cause it's beautiful.
• HH this week was at Benchmark on N Clark St, and honestly I'd love to spend more time exploring these bars. Earlier in the week I also went to The Vig to catch up with a high school classmate who started working downtown as well. Honestly, just overall wholesome 
• My humanities ass started training on Excel, and I worked more directly with my team. I am so grateful for Encompass (a subsidiary of Allstate)  & the team I have the opportunity to work with for the next year

July week 3

• I've started listening to self-dev and personal finance/investment podcasts (oh yes, I said podcasts. Never thought I'd be cool enough for podcasts) to make use of my 1.5 hour commute to and from work 
• Our Encompass outing this Thursday allowed for us to have a half day, where we spent 30 minutes at a local baseball game using up our drink vouchers
• On Friday, we had a mini UIUC reunion for our friend Anusha, where we went to Catina Loredo for dinner and then partied at Liqrbox. The Mustache Crawl was the next morning, and around 10-15 people from the cohort pregamed together before heading over to Wrigleyville. We even had a cohort/friend with his first placement in NY visit us
• I napped from 3-5p that day, and still managed to go to Bottled Blonde & Concrete with my roommate. I recovered all of Sunday. Seriously. It was rough walking into work on Monday
• I am starting to compile a list for fitness studios/clubs as I try out their free trials, as well as a general list for restaurant/bars/events in Chicago worth giving a shot (disclaimer - there's a lot) 

July week 4

• I started this week by trying out OrangeTheory @ Lincoln Park. It is honestly an extremely friendly atmosphere, and I got a kick out of the workout. I haven't physically moved that much in over a month (I'm not sure building furniture would count towards my sweat count), but I am proud I got myself off the couch. Fitness programs/studios are generally overpriced, but if you like a guided class and motivation from others also working out around you, I'd definitely say go for it. The instructors are well qualified & extremely helpful, and there is also a heart-rate monitor that is displayed by colors during the 1-hour workout.
• A pro about working for an Allstate subsidiary company is that there is already a lot more for me to be involved with at work. I wake up almost every day at 5a now to try and work from home/wake up at the Starbucks one block away from me, before my bus at 6:48a. 
• I slept with colder temperature last night and noticed that I woke up less groggy. Maybe working out is worth it, and the temperature is helping me fall asleep better
• Caught up with Parth with some much needed boba and pho, before he starts his aduling journey in dental school *woot woot*
• Went grocery shopping for the first time with Shika, with multiple grocery stores so close to us, I'm surprised we haven't gone at all. This should help my budgeting be more clear after August so that I can plan accordingly
• Called LA Fitness for a quote & toured Equinox Lincoln Park today. With the summer sale, U of I discount, and starting membership pro-rated at the end of the month... I am paying for an elite fitness club with comparable membership to Corepower and Orange Theory. Yup, I signed up on the spot (...some say I am easily impressed/persuaded. I'll let you know if I regret acting so rash in a few months)

There's the summary. Be back soon? Who knows. I am good at this annual blogging thing. So we'll just go with the flow, haha. Here's some shameless self-plug: 

@shannonylee for all social medias, and @shan7lee for a candid diary version on Instagram (finsta but not)

Shan

Transitions

Hey there,

The last time I was on here typing out my feelings was the end of my freshman year in 2016... Now the Class of 2018 is about to leave us and time will continue to fly by.

My undergraduate years have truly been the most exciting and rewarding years of my life so far, and I'm so glad I chose U of I to be my home during such a pivotal time of my life. I'd like to say that junior year has been the best so far, even with rough patches and struggles that are inevitable during the transition of growing up. I'm continuing to change and learn more about myself. I am putting myself out there by trying new things and meeting new people. From boba dates, hanging out on the quad, and studying in random buildings around campus, I've fallen in love with this familiarity. This campus of 45,000 undergrads has become a big family that will never be the same without the graduating seniors. The community of a collegetown is one of my favorite aspects of Champaign being isolated in the middle of nowhere. I love seeing recognizable faces everywhere, and a quick conversation or hug can really make a difference on a shitty day. With this realization, I've had time to look back with gratitude to everyone I've met over the last few years who have made even the smallest difference my life, positive and negative.

Everyone says to live in the present, to stop thinking about the past or the future so much. That's difficult, especially when there are days I despise waking up in the morning and I can't find the motivation to do anything. There are times I sit there waiting for my mood to adjust and so I can be happy. This only works on selective days, because most days result in more frustration with myself for wasting time hating my existence. This affects treasured moments with my friends, my commitment to my extra-curriculars, and stops me from pushing myself closer to what I am capable of accomplishing. This past semester, I finally realized I really have to do something about it before my four years of living out this college life comes to an end (thanks to the people who helped me get to this point).

Here's my advice to those who relate: don't be afraid to reach out to resources on campus, because there's so much that universities offer that aren't taken advantage enough. Throw away your pride or anything holding you back to find real SOLUTIONS to the problems you face so you can make the most of your twenties and live out the life you envision. I've tried for years to find my own solutions and to "fix" myself, and even when I've been stuck in the same cycle, I still was too stubborn to try anything else because I wanted to tell myself I could handle it on my own. Sometimes the people you least expect to help can really change your perspective on a lot of things. Go talk to your advisors, drop in during office hours, or make an appointment at the Counseling Center. Be vulnerable, share your thoughts and experiences, and give others a chance to get to know the real you. It helps. Do you what you need to do to give yourself the life you deserve, seriously! I am not saying I'm "cured" or that I never have a bad day, but knowing that I'm taking initiative and reaching out for help gives me hope and reassurance that things will work out in the end, even if I can't always picture it right now. Don't wait until you graduate to wish you did more when you were in school.

So many individuals with different backgrounds, majors, and personalities come together in college and there are many small moments that are taken for granted. Being able to meet so many unique people and seeing the variety of organizations we all contribute to inspires me to push myself and make myself as useful as I can. Illinois has given me so much, and I want to be a strong representation of what alumni from U of I can produce in the workplace and in life. As excited as I am to live out my last year and start a new adventure after college, with the senior class escaping through our fingers so soon, there's been a little bittersweet ache in my stomach every time I think about it. I'm sure the real adult world will be great with the newly-found independence and freedom, but never again will that many students live in all the apartment complexs within a 5-mile radius for friends to run over and hangout and study whenever. How often are we all going to pull allnighters together and order unhealthy food to the library late at night? Who will I hug and greet when we're all out, at a bar or at a dance show? I've grown so close to these people and even with efforts of staying in touch, the truth is, there will be some people I may never cross paths with again. It is the fact of life and I know I need to just suck it up, but nevertheless, I will miss you guys. Best of luck killing it out there in the adult world, and don't be a stranger!

Also shoutout to those graduating high school this year, I'm excited to see what you will accomplish wherever you go! Take everything in and really enjoy every opportunity and experience you encounter.

Ok I got a 1:30 final, goodbye -

Love,
Shan

To Freshman Year

One of my continuous goals in life is to be able to make a positive impact on someone's life. Whether that's being there for someone when they least expect it, being a genuine person, being a good friend, or just being a reason for someone to smile or laugh, it makes my heart happy knowing that I have the ability to make even the smallest difference.

Since this school year has come to a close, I've been thinking about the impact others have made on me this past year. Emotionally, the year had its rough moments. There were times I felt alone even though I knew I had people in my life that cared, and there were times I couldn't find a reason to smile or even search for something to be happy about. However, I don't want to focus on those moments because there were many more high moments than there were low points. I know I am only done with a quarter of my time here at U of I, but I've already met so many new people, learned so many new things, and experienced so much more than I would've ever imagined 9 months ago.

Before I start listing a timeline from this year, I want to note that if you are reading this, know that I appreciate even our smallest interactions. Whether that was a few seconds of a conversation,  a shared inside joke, or just a smile and a wave, I'm glad we met. Sometimes those small gestures make a really big difference in my day, so thank you.

Now to the two people I met in the bathroom during orientation, I'm thankful you guys were my first friends in college. I will miss our crazy moments in your guys' room. I will treasure the memory of finding your I-card under your bed. I will miss our silly talks about boys, and us laughing like maniacs for no reason.

To the Lynbrook classmates that also attend University of Illinois, you are the people who make me feel the comfort of home even though we are so many states away. It's been comforting seeing your faces around campus, even if it was only for a glimpse. I'm happy we can see each other accomplish many things and progress over the next 3 years. We will always look out for each other, even from a distance, no matter where life takes us. Once Vikings, always Vikings.

To the teammates that life has placed in my life, thank you or sharing a passion for ice skating with me this past season. I can't wait for more wild nights and insane road trips. I'm thankful that I'm able to experience a new aspect of the sport even beyond my high school years. You guys have all become more than teammates, but friends I know I can count on with other aspects in life. We may have a diverse range of personalities, but one thing for sure is that we're all weirdos and I love that about team. I promise I'll work on making it to morning practices on time, haha.

To the peeps of Weston, Ike, and the 6-pack, I'll miss seeing all of us gather at the Ike to study late at night or meet at the couches to swipe in for meals (when we do, of course). I'll miss the all-nighters leading up to Ike breakfast, and the 57 food rampages. Even the daily encounters and small talks in the bathrooms and the familiarity of freshman faces at the commons will be missed. I will still be around the 6 pack next year (go Nugent?), but many of us will be dispersed amongst the apartments around campus. I've enjoyed the people I've met because of the dorm communities, and I hope we'll still cross paths in the future.

To social media and everyone I'm connected to because of it... thanks for the group message flames, the silent Skype calls to keep my company, the hilarious gifs, the gateway to keeping in touch with high school buddies, and the few moments of fame on the campus story. I will treasure these memories, always.

To the few who have been there to listen and to share your thoughts, your advice, and your experiences. You have taught me to learn from the past and to be proud of who I am now but to continue to grow in the future. I really do take what you guys say to heart, and I appreciate the raw openness of the conversations we've had, and I can't thank you enough.

To the people who helped me experience many firsts, thank you for sharing a life experience with me, and a being there for a few (or many) moments of my college journey. It's during these adventurous days and nights when I really participate in the beauty of life. Thank you for opening my eyes to different perspectives, and for helping me grow more as an individual.

With a few more years left of our time at U of I, I hope we continue to grow and learn from each other. I'm appreciative of all that I've learned this year, and I'm excited to see where life takes us with the semesters to come. Congrats to all 2016 graduates. Best of luck in the real world. :-)

Freshman year at University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign

I-L-L, I-N-I.
Shan

February Thoughts

Life is about experiencing new things, taking risks, being bold, and making connections with other people. College is a very good place for all of those things to happen, but I feel like a lot of people do those things without having much thought behind it besides "having fun." I'm not saying that everything needs to be taken seriously all the time, but I believe in the meaningful memories created even during those temporary, brief moments in a conversation held with a stranger or during the times we step out of our comfort zones.

I've got 3 years and part of a semester left of my time in my undergrad life, and I want to make the most out of it. Time is going to fly by, and life is only going to get busier. This means that I need to stop overanalyzing so many aspects of my life, and just live a little. One of my teammates told me something I really like. She said "regrets aren't made, they are lived." I don't think this means to just disregard everything and go do things that I know I won't be proud of, but I interpret it as a way to follow my gut sometimes and be open-minded to change of perspectives and thoughts. Knowing myself and how I reflect, self-evaluate, and analyze every situation a lot through detailed emotional dissection, that isn't always a good thing. If being scared of making a regret is the only thing holding me back, then it's not quite worth it. My morals and values are still with me and will be with me for the rest of my life, but some tweaks here and there will help me grow more as a person.

I shouldn't be so afraid to try new things. Whether that is trying out a new class, finding a part-time job, going on a date, or going out with my friends and teammates. There are so many things in life that have a gray-scale but are only perceived as black and white because of the broad generalizations and the negative stigma created by society. As long as I take responsibility for myself and own up to decisions I make, sometimes experiencing something firsthand is the best way to make a personal judgment on it.

I am not trying to tell people how to live their life because they can do whatever they want without caring about what others will think, but to put more value in a connection made with someone even during a brief interaction can make a difference in the lifestyle of college and create a more genuine and real bond between people. There are many definitions of  what a "value" is, and there are confounding factors involved with everything I've been saying, but these are just the main thoughts that have been clouding my mind lately. If it doesn't make much sense, I apologize. This is still a work in progress.

Talk soon,
Shan

Winter Resolutions

Hey! It's been another while since I last posted on here, but I honestly just didn't think of anything specific I really wanted to post about. My mind has been scattered all over the place, and my thoughts have never been very organized. Not that that's a surprise. But here I am.

It's the holiday season, and it's been fun experiencing some snow and lower temperatures (at least for now it's been okay) because it feels like a real winter for the first time. The sun sets around five now, so it's dark out when I take walks around Champaign and see people wrapped up in their heavy winter coats and the see the warm breaths fade into the evening sky. There's a very wintery feel to it.

It's not the new year yet, but I have been thinking about resolutions so that I can improve myself and can start living the life I want to live right now, instead of later. I always put things off, because I never feel like it's the "right time," or ever feel that I'm ready, even though I need to start somewhere and just go for the ideal life I want. I mean, after all, life is short. Right?

After coming to college, I realize that a lot of decisions are completely in my own hands; how many hours I want to sleep, how often I want to work out, what I eat, what I want to be involved in, how I want to organize my room... I have no more excuses that should stop me from doing what I want and I need to really try to figure myself out.

Overthinking and overanalyzing is a blessing but it is also one of the main things I know that is hindering me from taking ahold of opportunities that come my way, or from discovering and appreciating the hidden treasures in life.

Here's a list of self-improvement, or just a list of general goals that I want to work on for the winter, the new year, and the rest of my life:

1. Get to know strangers - yes, I know not all strangers are nice and friendly, but majority of the time, it is nice getting to know other people that I might not otherwise have a chance to talk to. Most of the time, random conversations are the ones that bring new insight into my life and keep me open-minded and more eager to learn.

2. Accept what I can't change, and do my best to change what I don't like - self explanatory, but it's definitely easier said than done. Life is just too short to complain all day without taking action, and whining about things I have no control over when instead, I have countless things to be thankful for.

3. Forgive and forget easier. Get over it - my moodiness is crazy unpredictable sometimes, and it's stressful for myself and for others to have to deal with it. I want to work on letting go of small problems that won't matter 10 years from now, because people's emotions get in the way often and that causes more issues than there should be.

4. Eat healthier, sleep more - this is a very basic one, but a really important one. What I eat can affect my mood throughout the day, and sleeping more can keep me more energized throughout the day so I can be more productive. I was vegan for about a month, and although I stopped, I want to continue being aware of what I am eating and aim to eat less meat and less packaged foods (to help with the environment even if it's just a tiny difference).

5. Exercise at least 45 minutes every day - this hasn't been too hard to keep up. It feels good after working out every day, and sweating a little bit while clearing my mind. Plus, if I'm paying so much for school, I might as well use all the resources provided on campus.

There are obviously a lot more, but those were the first five that popped in my head.

What do you think you would put on your list of things in your life you'd like to change? Let me know!

See ya,
Shan