A Month in Chi - July 2019

So... my life journey continues... in Chicago, Illinois, when I officially moved earlier this month. I'm slowly picking up on the commuter life, importance of credit building, and owning my life completely independently. Here's an extensive summary of the past month because I am crappy at journaling, but I still want to somehow document my adventures to date and share it with whoever is a little curious.. or bored! I bolded keywords for you, haha.

July week 1

• Ubered to work an hour away on the first day of orientation. I sounded like a monster when I introduced myself because my sickness was on/off still from Europe
• Three days into orientation - I was basically just a fiend for the free coffee
• I built furniture every day this week after work, and actually found it quite stress-relieving.. until I pieced my bed frame the wrong way and had to buy a new drill to make new holes on the other side. My bed is currently still upright so I'm guessing I did okay 
• Happy hour @ North Branch was the first social event with the cohort. I've never had bombass chicken tenders with a good margarita before.. usually not the typical combo, but hey, who's complaining when there's good food/drink? 
• We spent the last half of Wednesday volunteering at Feed My Starving Children. It went by quickly and it was a great way for us to bond and get to know each other better, all the while packaging food for children who aren't guaranteed access to basic foods every day 
• My apartment is in a prime location (East Lincoln Park, off of Diversey), AND there are dogs everywhere in and out of my apartment
• I'm becoming best friends with the maintenance guy at my apartment. His name is Oscar -- he's a lifesaver for bringing up all my heavier apartment items, love him
• Stores near me: ramen, Nail Bar, TJMaxx, Target, Express, Walgreens, Francesca's, Urban, Trader Joe's, SO BASICALLY IT'S PRETTY LIT
• My skating teammate Kaitlyn's bridal shower weekend was celebrated at Flight Club in the evening, and I genuinely had a great time catching up with everyone. Can't wait for the wedding, it'll be my first! 

July week 2

• Post Greek reunion, Shika finally moved in and our Cali friends (ft. Hersh, Akshay and Sudana) came to visit. Our Lakeview neighbors also came to say hi!  
• Every day after work, I'd meet them for HH, and we even did an architectural river tour and watched fireworks -- I love being adventurous and trying new things in the city. If you have any recommendations or just want to catch up, hit me up! 
• We walked by the lantern festival one day and also chilled by North Avenue Beach. I publicly apologize for any Chicago/Illinois locals who I said the Lake didn't have a real beach, 'cause it's beautiful.
• HH this week was at Benchmark on N Clark St, and honestly I'd love to spend more time exploring these bars. Earlier in the week I also went to The Vig to catch up with a high school classmate who started working downtown as well. Honestly, just overall wholesome 
• My humanities ass started training on Excel, and I worked more directly with my team. I am so grateful for Encompass (a subsidiary of Allstate)  & the team I have the opportunity to work with for the next year

July week 3

• I've started listening to self-dev and personal finance/investment podcasts (oh yes, I said podcasts. Never thought I'd be cool enough for podcasts) to make use of my 1.5 hour commute to and from work 
• Our Encompass outing this Thursday allowed for us to have a half day, where we spent 30 minutes at a local baseball game using up our drink vouchers
• On Friday, we had a mini UIUC reunion for our friend Anusha, where we went to Catina Loredo for dinner and then partied at Liqrbox. The Mustache Crawl was the next morning, and around 10-15 people from the cohort pregamed together before heading over to Wrigleyville. We even had a cohort/friend with his first placement in NY visit us
• I napped from 3-5p that day, and still managed to go to Bottled Blonde & Concrete with my roommate. I recovered all of Sunday. Seriously. It was rough walking into work on Monday
• I am starting to compile a list for fitness studios/clubs as I try out their free trials, as well as a general list for restaurant/bars/events in Chicago worth giving a shot (disclaimer - there's a lot) 

July week 4

• I started this week by trying out OrangeTheory @ Lincoln Park. It is honestly an extremely friendly atmosphere, and I got a kick out of the workout. I haven't physically moved that much in over a month (I'm not sure building furniture would count towards my sweat count), but I am proud I got myself off the couch. Fitness programs/studios are generally overpriced, but if you like a guided class and motivation from others also working out around you, I'd definitely say go for it. The instructors are well qualified & extremely helpful, and there is also a heart-rate monitor that is displayed by colors during the 1-hour workout.
• A pro about working for an Allstate subsidiary company is that there is already a lot more for me to be involved with at work. I wake up almost every day at 5a now to try and work from home/wake up at the Starbucks one block away from me, before my bus at 6:48a. 
• I slept with colder temperature last night and noticed that I woke up less groggy. Maybe working out is worth it, and the temperature is helping me fall asleep better
• Caught up with Parth with some much needed boba and pho, before he starts his aduling journey in dental school *woot woot*
• Went grocery shopping for the first time with Shika, with multiple grocery stores so close to us, I'm surprised we haven't gone at all. This should help my budgeting be more clear after August so that I can plan accordingly
• Called LA Fitness for a quote & toured Equinox Lincoln Park today. With the summer sale, U of I discount, and starting membership pro-rated at the end of the month... I am paying for an elite fitness club with comparable membership to Corepower and Orange Theory. Yup, I signed up on the spot (...some say I am easily impressed/persuaded. I'll let you know if I regret acting so rash in a few months)

There's the summary. Be back soon? Who knows. I am good at this annual blogging thing. So we'll just go with the flow, haha. Here's some shameless self-plug: 

@shannonylee for all social medias, and @shan7lee for a candid diary version on Instagram (finsta but not)

Shan

Transitions

Hey there,

The last time I was on here typing out my feelings was the end of my freshman year in 2016... Now the Class of 2018 is about to leave us and time will continue to fly by.

My undergraduate years have truly been the most exciting and rewarding years of my life so far, and I'm so glad I chose U of I to be my home during such a pivotal time of my life. I'd like to say that junior year has been the best so far, even with rough patches and struggles that are inevitable during the transition of growing up. I'm continuing to change and learn more about myself. I am putting myself out there by trying new things and meeting new people. From boba dates, hanging out on the quad, and studying in random buildings around campus, I've fallen in love with this familiarity. This campus of 45,000 undergrads has become a big family that will never be the same without the graduating seniors. The community of a collegetown is one of my favorite aspects of Champaign being isolated in the middle of nowhere. I love seeing recognizable faces everywhere, and a quick conversation or hug can really make a difference on a shitty day. With this realization, I've had time to look back with gratitude to everyone I've met over the last few years who have made even the smallest difference my life, positive and negative.

Everyone says to live in the present, to stop thinking about the past or the future so much. That's difficult, especially when there are days I despise waking up in the morning and I can't find the motivation to do anything. There are times I sit there waiting for my mood to adjust and so I can be happy. This only works on selective days, because most days result in more frustration with myself for wasting time hating my existence. This affects treasured moments with my friends, my commitment to my extra-curriculars, and stops me from pushing myself closer to what I am capable of accomplishing. This past semester, I finally realized I really have to do something about it before my four years of living out this college life comes to an end (thanks to the people who helped me get to this point).

Here's my advice to those who relate: don't be afraid to reach out to resources on campus, because there's so much that universities offer that aren't taken advantage enough. Throw away your pride or anything holding you back to find real SOLUTIONS to the problems you face so you can make the most of your twenties and live out the life you envision. I've tried for years to find my own solutions and to "fix" myself, and even when I've been stuck in the same cycle, I still was too stubborn to try anything else because I wanted to tell myself I could handle it on my own. Sometimes the people you least expect to help can really change your perspective on a lot of things. Go talk to your advisors, drop in during office hours, or make an appointment at the Counseling Center. Be vulnerable, share your thoughts and experiences, and give others a chance to get to know the real you. It helps. Do you what you need to do to give yourself the life you deserve, seriously! I am not saying I'm "cured" or that I never have a bad day, but knowing that I'm taking initiative and reaching out for help gives me hope and reassurance that things will work out in the end, even if I can't always picture it right now. Don't wait until you graduate to wish you did more when you were in school.

So many individuals with different backgrounds, majors, and personalities come together in college and there are many small moments that are taken for granted. Being able to meet so many unique people and seeing the variety of organizations we all contribute to inspires me to push myself and make myself as useful as I can. Illinois has given me so much, and I want to be a strong representation of what alumni from U of I can produce in the workplace and in life. As excited as I am to live out my last year and start a new adventure after college, with the senior class escaping through our fingers so soon, there's been a little bittersweet ache in my stomach every time I think about it. I'm sure the real adult world will be great with the newly-found independence and freedom, but never again will that many students live in all the apartment complexs within a 5-mile radius for friends to run over and hangout and study whenever. How often are we all going to pull allnighters together and order unhealthy food to the library late at night? Who will I hug and greet when we're all out, at a bar or at a dance show? I've grown so close to these people and even with efforts of staying in touch, the truth is, there will be some people I may never cross paths with again. It is the fact of life and I know I need to just suck it up, but nevertheless, I will miss you guys. Best of luck killing it out there in the adult world, and don't be a stranger!

Also shoutout to those graduating high school this year, I'm excited to see what you will accomplish wherever you go! Take everything in and really enjoy every opportunity and experience you encounter.

Ok I got a 1:30 final, goodbye -

Love,
Shan

To Freshman Year

One of my continuous goals in life is to be able to make a positive impact on someone's life. Whether that's being there for someone when they least expect it, being a genuine person, being a good friend, or just being a reason for someone to smile or laugh, it makes my heart happy knowing that I have the ability to make even the smallest difference.

Since this school year has come to a close, I've been thinking about the impact others have made on me this past year. Emotionally, the year had its rough moments. There were times I felt alone even though I knew I had people in my life that cared, and there were times I couldn't find a reason to smile or even search for something to be happy about. However, I don't want to focus on those moments because there were many more high moments than there were low points. I know I am only done with a quarter of my time here at U of I, but I've already met so many new people, learned so many new things, and experienced so much more than I would've ever imagined 9 months ago.

Before I start listing a timeline from this year, I want to note that if you are reading this, know that I appreciate even our smallest interactions. Whether that was a few seconds of a conversation,  a shared inside joke, or just a smile and a wave, I'm glad we met. Sometimes those small gestures make a really big difference in my day, so thank you.

Now to the two people I met in the bathroom during orientation, I'm thankful you guys were my first friends in college. I will miss our crazy moments in your guys' room. I will treasure the memory of finding your I-card under your bed. I will miss our silly talks about boys, and us laughing like maniacs for no reason.

To the Lynbrook classmates that also attend University of Illinois, you are the people who make me feel the comfort of home even though we are so many states away. It's been comforting seeing your faces around campus, even if it was only for a glimpse. I'm happy we can see each other accomplish many things and progress over the next 3 years. We will always look out for each other, even from a distance, no matter where life takes us. Once Vikings, always Vikings.

To the teammates that life has placed in my life, thank you or sharing a passion for ice skating with me this past season. I can't wait for more wild nights and insane road trips. I'm thankful that I'm able to experience a new aspect of the sport even beyond my high school years. You guys have all become more than teammates, but friends I know I can count on with other aspects in life. We may have a diverse range of personalities, but one thing for sure is that we're all weirdos and I love that about team. I promise I'll work on making it to morning practices on time, haha.

To the peeps of Weston, Ike, and the 6-pack, I'll miss seeing all of us gather at the Ike to study late at night or meet at the couches to swipe in for meals (when we do, of course). I'll miss the all-nighters leading up to Ike breakfast, and the 57 food rampages. Even the daily encounters and small talks in the bathrooms and the familiarity of freshman faces at the commons will be missed. I will still be around the 6 pack next year (go Nugent?), but many of us will be dispersed amongst the apartments around campus. I've enjoyed the people I've met because of the dorm communities, and I hope we'll still cross paths in the future.

To social media and everyone I'm connected to because of it... thanks for the group message flames, the silent Skype calls to keep my company, the hilarious gifs, the gateway to keeping in touch with high school buddies, and the few moments of fame on the campus story. I will treasure these memories, always.

To the few who have been there to listen and to share your thoughts, your advice, and your experiences. You have taught me to learn from the past and to be proud of who I am now but to continue to grow in the future. I really do take what you guys say to heart, and I appreciate the raw openness of the conversations we've had, and I can't thank you enough.

To the people who helped me experience many firsts, thank you for sharing a life experience with me, and a being there for a few (or many) moments of my college journey. It's during these adventurous days and nights when I really participate in the beauty of life. Thank you for opening my eyes to different perspectives, and for helping me grow more as an individual.

With a few more years left of our time at U of I, I hope we continue to grow and learn from each other. I'm appreciative of all that I've learned this year, and I'm excited to see where life takes us with the semesters to come. Congrats to all 2016 graduates. Best of luck in the real world. :-)

Freshman year at University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign

I-L-L, I-N-I.
Shan

February Thoughts

Life is about experiencing new things, taking risks, being bold, and making connections with other people. College is a very good place for all of those things to happen, but I feel like a lot of people do those things without having much thought behind it besides "having fun." I'm not saying that everything needs to be taken seriously all the time, but I believe in the meaningful memories created even during those temporary, brief moments in a conversation held with a stranger or during the times we step out of our comfort zones.

I've got 3 years and part of a semester left of my time in my undergrad life, and I want to make the most out of it. Time is going to fly by, and life is only going to get busier. This means that I need to stop overanalyzing so many aspects of my life, and just live a little. One of my teammates told me something I really like. She said "regrets aren't made, they are lived." I don't think this means to just disregard everything and go do things that I know I won't be proud of, but I interpret it as a way to follow my gut sometimes and be open-minded to change of perspectives and thoughts. Knowing myself and how I reflect, self-evaluate, and analyze every situation a lot through detailed emotional dissection, that isn't always a good thing. If being scared of making a regret is the only thing holding me back, then it's not quite worth it. My morals and values are still with me and will be with me for the rest of my life, but some tweaks here and there will help me grow more as a person.

I shouldn't be so afraid to try new things. Whether that is trying out a new class, finding a part-time job, going on a date, or going out with my friends and teammates. There are so many things in life that have a gray-scale but are only perceived as black and white because of the broad generalizations and the negative stigma created by society. As long as I take responsibility for myself and own up to decisions I make, sometimes experiencing something firsthand is the best way to make a personal judgment on it.

I am not trying to tell people how to live their life because they can do whatever they want without caring about what others will think, but to put more value in a connection made with someone even during a brief interaction can make a difference in the lifestyle of college and create a more genuine and real bond between people. There are many definitions of  what a "value" is, and there are confounding factors involved with everything I've been saying, but these are just the main thoughts that have been clouding my mind lately. If it doesn't make much sense, I apologize. This is still a work in progress.

Talk soon,
Shan

Winter Resolutions

Hey! It's been another while since I last posted on here, but I honestly just didn't think of anything specific I really wanted to post about. My mind has been scattered all over the place, and my thoughts have never been very organized. Not that that's a surprise. But here I am.

It's the holiday season, and it's been fun experiencing some snow and lower temperatures (at least for now it's been okay) because it feels like a real winter for the first time. The sun sets around five now, so it's dark out when I take walks around Champaign and see people wrapped up in their heavy winter coats and the see the warm breaths fade into the evening sky. There's a very wintery feel to it.

It's not the new year yet, but I have been thinking about resolutions so that I can improve myself and can start living the life I want to live right now, instead of later. I always put things off, because I never feel like it's the "right time," or ever feel that I'm ready, even though I need to start somewhere and just go for the ideal life I want. I mean, after all, life is short. Right?

After coming to college, I realize that a lot of decisions are completely in my own hands; how many hours I want to sleep, how often I want to work out, what I eat, what I want to be involved in, how I want to organize my room... I have no more excuses that should stop me from doing what I want and I need to really try to figure myself out.

Overthinking and overanalyzing is a blessing but it is also one of the main things I know that is hindering me from taking ahold of opportunities that come my way, or from discovering and appreciating the hidden treasures in life.

Here's a list of self-improvement, or just a list of general goals that I want to work on for the winter, the new year, and the rest of my life:

1. Get to know strangers - yes, I know not all strangers are nice and friendly, but majority of the time, it is nice getting to know other people that I might not otherwise have a chance to talk to. Most of the time, random conversations are the ones that bring new insight into my life and keep me open-minded and more eager to learn.

2. Accept what I can't change, and do my best to change what I don't like - self explanatory, but it's definitely easier said than done. Life is just too short to complain all day without taking action, and whining about things I have no control over when instead, I have countless things to be thankful for.

3. Forgive and forget easier. Get over it - my moodiness is crazy unpredictable sometimes, and it's stressful for myself and for others to have to deal with it. I want to work on letting go of small problems that won't matter 10 years from now, because people's emotions get in the way often and that causes more issues than there should be.

4. Eat healthier, sleep more - this is a very basic one, but a really important one. What I eat can affect my mood throughout the day, and sleeping more can keep me more energized throughout the day so I can be more productive. I was vegan for about a month, and although I stopped, I want to continue being aware of what I am eating and aim to eat less meat and less packaged foods (to help with the environment even if it's just a tiny difference).

5. Exercise at least 45 minutes every day - this hasn't been too hard to keep up. It feels good after working out every day, and sweating a little bit while clearing my mind. Plus, if I'm paying so much for school, I might as well use all the resources provided on campus.

There are obviously a lot more, but those were the first five that popped in my head.

What do you think you would put on your list of things in your life you'd like to change? Let me know!

See ya,
Shan

1st Week of College on the Cornfields

I've been on campus for six days now, and the first day of college starts today. I have a lot going through my head, and I am not sure I'm going to be able to articulate the emotions and feelings that I'm experiencing, but I'll try.

The day before move-in day, I was freaking out. I had never been in Illinois before, not to mention being on the gigantic campus. I only knew that there would be a lot of corn, and that the winter time would be harsh. I didn't know if I'd feel like home here, or if I'd like that it was kind of in the middle of nowhere.

The last week has gone way above my expectations and it has been filled with new adventures, new friends (yes, I'm actually making new friends!), and the start of independence of living on my own.

I am loving being a student at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. The diversity is real, and the people are friendly. I feel like I am part of a true community, not just a person looking in from the outside. The school spirit is deafening, and I feel proud to be walking on the campus as a student here. The college town is beautiful, and I am loving seeing green grass instead of brown grass all around campus. The weather is perfect for me (until September that is). I know the winter is going to get brutal, but for now I'm just appreciating the California weather over here. It actually might even be better than Cali weather. There's been a nice breeze going through every day, and even when there are overcast skies, the temperature is still warm enough that I can go out in shorts and a sleeveless shirt.

I have been spotting my high school classmates often, and it makes me happy to be able to re-unite with them, even if it's only for a couple minutes. I'm also enjoying trying new things, exploring, and making new connections with people that grew up in completely different states and have very different backgrounds. I'm learning that we have much more in common than we think we do, especially with the sense of humor I have.

There are a lot of amazing restaurants and PMT spots on Green St., and the food I eat are walked off every time I need to get somewhere by feet. The campus is huge, so I've been walking at least 10,000 steps a day. I don't see the need to go to the gym anymore. Being a student, I am realizing how many discounts we get and I am happy to take 'em. Free admission into a lot of events, discounts on food or store items, and not needing to pay to ride the buses (that's a definite must) or cheap admission into the skating rink makes the college tuition a little more worth it, that is... if I actually get out of my dorm to explore what's out there. I've eaten a lot of free meals, gotten free t-shirts, attended grad night-like events (the LateNighter), and attended my first service event here (we painted the outside building walls at "Salt & Light Ministries
- check them out: http://www.saltandlightministry.org/). There are always a large number of people at each event, because the school is so big. This is nice because it is guaranteed that I will meet people with the same passion and interest I have for something. There are so many other things I can do on campus including bowling, rock-climbing, beach volleyball, watch performances at the Krannert Hall, go to poster sales, attend open mics, or attend mixers and block parties. I don't ever have to worry that I'm the one person out of super small group of people interested in going to an event.

The #1 question I've been getting from people here is, "Why pick Illinois over California?"

I tell them I want to put myself out there, and really experience life as much as I can the next four years. If I don't like it, I can move back. This entire four-year journey is a rare chance, because I'd never come to Urbana-Champaign just as a tourist, or to "sight-see" the corn fields. Even if I only visit a friend for a few days, it wouldn't compare to experience as really living on campus and being a part of the student community here. Seeing orange and blue everywhere, the colors are definitely growing on me more and more each day. I'm bleeding blue and orange, and I haven't even taken my first test yet or met my classmates of the semester.

Yes, Illinois is the #1 party school (people go "trick-or-treating" at night often - if you don't get it, it's okay. It's my own term, haha). But Illinois is also the #1 community I'm glad to be a part of. Most of the 43,603 students on campus are strangers to me, but people are friendly, they are looking out for me, and we are all in this together. Most of the people I talked to this past week, I probably will never see again, but I think there's beauty in that. They may influence me and make a difference without even knowing it. The only thing really bringing us together is our identity with the U of I (I've been getting used to calling it that more, instead of UIUC or saying the full name like I did back home).

Besides a service program, an Asian American club, and ice skating, I might also join a religious group. I went to a Christian fellowship group last night, and I was surprised I got myself there somehow. I haven't been to church consistently in a couple years, and I've been on and off with my faith because I feel that it's too complicated for me to deal with and I have too many questions to figure it out. I'll keep an open mind, and we'll see where this goes.

My dorm is starting to feel like my home (and I'm actually staying pretty neat/organized...for now), and I can shout, "I-N-I," pretty confidently when I hear someone say "I-L-L." The next four years on this campus, in the college town, is going to be the best yet and I really want to take advantage of it. I want to go to events, try new things, meet new people every day. The only thing is that I hope I keep my word to that so I don't let the four years fly by with only stressful and routine days. I am so thankful I have the opportunity to experience college life like this, and the independence factor is frightening but exhilarating. I'm eventually going to have to be fully responsible for myself, and college is definitely a good transition. After college, the career starts (hopefully) and things get real. I'm sure the experience will be rewarding too, but for now I think college is the perfect balance between independence/responsibility, and fun/exploration.

I love this college town, and I can't wait to make the most out of the next four years I have here. I am excited to see how this journey shapes and moves me, and I hope I learn to enjoy everything that happens, positive and negative. This orientation week has gone by way to fast, and I can't believe my first day of college classes start today.

There are so many "nooks" on campus I'm excited to discover throughout the next four years, and too many restaurants I want to try out.

I don't know if I said everything I wanted to say, but I think I got a good chunk of it out of my system. I'm gonna head off to class soon, so see ya!

Best of luck to the upcoming school year,
Shan

P.S- I'm missing all of my friends and family back home! It's weird saying "back home," because I feel like I'm only a couple miles away at some summer camp.  You can look forward to another post from me soon, because I'll probably write another post when reality hits me and I start feeling really homesick.

P.P.S- If you're interested in seeing my daily life on campus through pictures, here's a link to the site: https://shanillini.wordpress.com/ It's a project that is part of my ART105 class, Visual Design for non-majors. I'm having a fun start, but I'm also up so late because of this, haha.

Leaving for College

Well, hello there. Here I am again, blogging late at night when I'm getting emotional about something that is happening in my life. I remember wanting to write a blog post on the last 50 days of high school, and here I am feeling knotted about my last summer before college ending already. I want to embrace change, get out of my comfort zone and really experience as much of life as I can. I want to meet new people, open my mind to see more of the world, and learn what it's like to be independent. But I also don't want to do any of that.

In about 24 hours, I'll be all packed up, ready to head to Illinois to start my first year of college. I'm typing this during my last night in my own bed at home. It's sad for me to even think about.

I'm leaving my comfortable home, my family, my good friends, my cats I sometimes neglect, my job, my high school, and all the memories that's been created around the Bay Area the last 18 years. I'd say I had a pretty decent summer, but I just wish time would slow down a little.

I'm going to miss being sassy with my sister. I'm going to miss seeing her skate. I'm scared that I'll come back and she'll be way too tall for my liking and not be the "little" sister I've been with all this time. Seeing her grow up so fast makes it even worse. She's already starting high school, and she's becoming more mature than me (not that I've set a very high standard, but still).

I've been driving almost every day this summer with my dad, who taught me how to drive so that I passed my license test this past Monday (FINALLY)! I was happy that I passed but I was also sad that I'd never drive around with my dad for no reason anymore, other than to get some hours of driving practice whenever we could. It's an odd feeling, working with my dad all summer with the goal of getting my license and then actually finally getting it. And even though it's probably tiring and tedious for him, I'm going to miss getting rides from him from work, to counseling, to volunteering, back to home almost every day of the school year. I'm going to miss sleeping in the car holding a half-eaten breakfast while he drives me to the rink for early morning practices, and eating lunch with him at Creekside park before he drops me off at the empty rink to skate in the early afternoon. I'm going to miss the bowl of fruit he gives me almost every night in addition to the one he packs for me to bring to school (which is also why I made friends in high school). I already miss jogging with him on Wednesday mornings before late start, too.

My mom and I got closer this summer, and she's been through a lot with me. She was there for me for every milestone in my life so far. Every competition, every test, and every change of plan. Even when she knew I was probably going on the path less traveled, she stuck with me even through all my mistakes and all the problems I created for myself. I remember when I was younger and would want to sleep with her in her room, and when she bought me gym membership and invite me to go to 24 Hours Fitness with her. I'm so thankful I have her in my life, because without her I honestly don't know what I'd do. She planned all of my extra-curriculars, activities, and camps as a kid and I'd say I had a pretty fulfilling childhood because of that. Some days I'd come home to smoothies and lunches she prepared for me, even though I already went out to each lunch with my classmates. And even though I only homeschooled for a half a year, it made a pretty big difference in my life. She was also flexible enough to let me go back to public school once I figured out homeschooling wasn't for me.

Our family road trips to National parks, annual ski trips up in Tahoe, and monthly bike rides are all just memories that I'll look back on when I'm an adult reminiscing on my childhood. Or when I'm an incoming college student feeling homesick and freaking out about things I have no control over.

Okay, I'm know I'm just being nostalgic. And even though I have a knot in my stomach already, I'm positive I'll be fine once I step on campus. I'll learn my way around, and I'll eventually get used to living in my new home for the next four years. It's just a crazy thought knowing that things in my life are about to change so drastically and they will never be the same again. I don't trust myself enough to feel ready for all of that right now.

The connections I've made with the people here I will never forget, and I am so glad I've been able to meet the people I have met. Although some connections have fallen apart, some have only grown stronger. I can only be grateful for all the experiences and the moments I've had with these people. If you're reading this post, thanks for caring enough to click on my posts and actually read through all of these.

Also, if you've ever given me a ride, I appreciate it. Chat me up around break and I'll return the favor when we hangout, haha.

'Till next time, San Jose--
Shan