Life is about experiencing new things, taking risks, being bold, and making connections with other people. College is a very good place for all of those things to happen, but I feel like a lot of people do those things without having much thought behind it besides "having fun." I'm not saying that everything needs to be taken seriously all the time, but I believe in the meaningful memories created even during those temporary, brief moments in a conversation held with a stranger or during the times we step out of our comfort zones.
I've got 3 years and part of a semester left of my time in my undergrad life, and I want to make the most out of it. Time is going to fly by, and life is only going to get busier. This means that I need to stop overanalyzing so many aspects of my life, and just live a little. One of my teammates told me something I really like. She said "regrets aren't made, they are lived." I don't think this means to just disregard everything and go do things that I know I won't be proud of, but I interpret it as a way to follow my gut sometimes and be open-minded to change of perspectives and thoughts. Knowing myself and how I reflect, self-evaluate, and analyze every situation a lot through detailed emotional dissection, that isn't always a good thing. If being scared of making a regret is the only thing holding me back, then it's not quite worth it. My morals and values are still with me and will be with me for the rest of my life, but some tweaks here and there will help me grow more as a person.
I shouldn't be so afraid to try new things. Whether that is trying out a new class, finding a part-time job, going on a date, or going out with my friends and teammates. There are so many things in life that have a gray-scale but are only perceived as black and white because of the broad generalizations and the negative stigma created by society. As long as I take responsibility for myself and own up to decisions I make, sometimes experiencing something firsthand is the best way to make a personal judgment on it.
I am not trying to tell people how to live their life because they can do whatever they want without caring about what others will think, but to put more value in a connection made with someone even during a brief interaction can make a difference in the lifestyle of college and create a more genuine and real bond between people. There are many definitions of what a "value" is, and there are confounding factors involved with everything I've been saying, but these are just the main thoughts that have been clouding my mind lately. If it doesn't make much sense, I apologize. This is still a work in progress.
Talk soon,
Shan
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Winter Resolutions
Hey! It's been another while since I last posted on here, but I honestly just didn't think of anything specific I really wanted to post about. My mind has been scattered all over the place, and my thoughts have never been very organized. Not that that's a surprise. But here I am.
It's the holiday season, and it's been fun experiencing some snow and lower temperatures (at least for now it's been okay) because it feels like a real winter for the first time. The sun sets around five now, so it's dark out when I take walks around Champaign and see people wrapped up in their heavy winter coats and the see the warm breaths fade into the evening sky. There's a very wintery feel to it.
It's not the new year yet, but I have been thinking about resolutions so that I can improve myself and can start living the life I want to live right now, instead of later. I always put things off, because I never feel like it's the "right time," or ever feel that I'm ready, even though I need to start somewhere and just go for the ideal life I want. I mean, after all, life is short. Right?
After coming to college, I realize that a lot of decisions are completely in my own hands; how many hours I want to sleep, how often I want to work out, what I eat, what I want to be involved in, how I want to organize my room... I have no more excuses that should stop me from doing what I want and I need to really try to figure myself out.
Overthinking and overanalyzing is a blessing but it is also one of the main things I know that is hindering me from taking ahold of opportunities that come my way, or from discovering and appreciating the hidden treasures in life.
Here's a list of self-improvement, or just a list of general goals that I want to work on for the winter, the new year, and the rest of my life:
1. Get to know strangers - yes, I know not all strangers are nice and friendly, but majority of the time, it is nice getting to know other people that I might not otherwise have a chance to talk to. Most of the time, random conversations are the ones that bring new insight into my life and keep me open-minded and more eager to learn.
2. Accept what I can't change, and do my best to change what I don't like - self explanatory, but it's definitely easier said than done. Life is just too short to complain all day without taking action, and whining about things I have no control over when instead, I have countless things to be thankful for.
3. Forgive and forget easier. Get over it - my moodiness is crazy unpredictable sometimes, and it's stressful for myself and for others to have to deal with it. I want to work on letting go of small problems that won't matter 10 years from now, because people's emotions get in the way often and that causes more issues than there should be.
4. Eat healthier, sleep more - this is a very basic one, but a really important one. What I eat can affect my mood throughout the day, and sleeping more can keep me more energized throughout the day so I can be more productive. I was vegan for about a month, and although I stopped, I want to continue being aware of what I am eating and aim to eat less meat and less packaged foods (to help with the environment even if it's just a tiny difference).
5. Exercise at least 45 minutes every day - this hasn't been too hard to keep up. It feels good after working out every day, and sweating a little bit while clearing my mind. Plus, if I'm paying so much for school, I might as well use all the resources provided on campus.
There are obviously a lot more, but those were the first five that popped in my head.
What do you think you would put on your list of things in your life you'd like to change? Let me know!
See ya,
Shan
It's the holiday season, and it's been fun experiencing some snow and lower temperatures (at least for now it's been okay) because it feels like a real winter for the first time. The sun sets around five now, so it's dark out when I take walks around Champaign and see people wrapped up in their heavy winter coats and the see the warm breaths fade into the evening sky. There's a very wintery feel to it.
It's not the new year yet, but I have been thinking about resolutions so that I can improve myself and can start living the life I want to live right now, instead of later. I always put things off, because I never feel like it's the "right time," or ever feel that I'm ready, even though I need to start somewhere and just go for the ideal life I want. I mean, after all, life is short. Right?
After coming to college, I realize that a lot of decisions are completely in my own hands; how many hours I want to sleep, how often I want to work out, what I eat, what I want to be involved in, how I want to organize my room... I have no more excuses that should stop me from doing what I want and I need to really try to figure myself out.
Overthinking and overanalyzing is a blessing but it is also one of the main things I know that is hindering me from taking ahold of opportunities that come my way, or from discovering and appreciating the hidden treasures in life.
Here's a list of self-improvement, or just a list of general goals that I want to work on for the winter, the new year, and the rest of my life:
1. Get to know strangers - yes, I know not all strangers are nice and friendly, but majority of the time, it is nice getting to know other people that I might not otherwise have a chance to talk to. Most of the time, random conversations are the ones that bring new insight into my life and keep me open-minded and more eager to learn.
2. Accept what I can't change, and do my best to change what I don't like - self explanatory, but it's definitely easier said than done. Life is just too short to complain all day without taking action, and whining about things I have no control over when instead, I have countless things to be thankful for.
3. Forgive and forget easier. Get over it - my moodiness is crazy unpredictable sometimes, and it's stressful for myself and for others to have to deal with it. I want to work on letting go of small problems that won't matter 10 years from now, because people's emotions get in the way often and that causes more issues than there should be.
4. Eat healthier, sleep more - this is a very basic one, but a really important one. What I eat can affect my mood throughout the day, and sleeping more can keep me more energized throughout the day so I can be more productive. I was vegan for about a month, and although I stopped, I want to continue being aware of what I am eating and aim to eat less meat and less packaged foods (to help with the environment even if it's just a tiny difference).
5. Exercise at least 45 minutes every day - this hasn't been too hard to keep up. It feels good after working out every day, and sweating a little bit while clearing my mind. Plus, if I'm paying so much for school, I might as well use all the resources provided on campus.
There are obviously a lot more, but those were the first five that popped in my head.
What do you think you would put on your list of things in your life you'd like to change? Let me know!
See ya,
Shan
Monday, August 24, 2015
1st Week of College on the Cornfields
I've been on campus for six days now, and the first day of college starts today. I have a lot going through my head, and I am not sure I'm going to be able to articulate the emotions and feelings that I'm experiencing, but I'll try.
The day before move-in day, I was freaking out. I had never been in Illinois before, not to mention being on the gigantic campus. I only knew that there would be a lot of corn, and that the winter time would be harsh. I didn't know if I'd feel like home here, or if I'd like that it was kind of in the middle of nowhere.
The last week has gone way above my expectations and it has been filled with new adventures, new friends (yes, I'm actually making new friends!), and the start of independence of living on my own.
I am loving being a student at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. The diversity is real, and the people are friendly. I feel like I am part of a true community, not just a person looking in from the outside. The school spirit is deafening, and I feel proud to be walking on the campus as a student here. The college town is beautiful, and I am loving seeing green grass instead of brown grass all around campus. The weather is perfect for me (until September that is). I know the winter is going to get brutal, but for now I'm just appreciating the California weather over here. It actually might even be better than Cali weather. There's been a nice breeze going through every day, and even when there are overcast skies, the temperature is still warm enough that I can go out in shorts and a sleeveless shirt.
I have been spotting my high school classmates often, and it makes me happy to be able to re-unite with them, even if it's only for a couple minutes. I'm also enjoying trying new things, exploring, and making new connections with people that grew up in completely different states and have very different backgrounds. I'm learning that we have much more in common than we think we do, especially with the sense of humor I have.
There are a lot of amazing restaurants and PMT spots on Green St., and the food I eat are walked off every time I need to get somewhere by feet. The campus is huge, so I've been walking at least 10,000 steps a day. I don't see the need to go to the gym anymore. Being a student, I am realizing how many discounts we get and I am happy to take 'em. Free admission into a lot of events, discounts on food or store items, and not needing to pay to ride the buses (that's a definite must) or cheap admission into the skating rink makes the college tuition a little more worth it, that is... if I actually get out of my dorm to explore what's out there. I've eaten a lot of free meals, gotten free t-shirts, attended grad night-like events (the LateNighter), and attended my first service event here (we painted the outside building walls at "Salt & Light Ministries
- check them out: http://www.saltandlightministry.org/). There are always a large number of people at each event, because the school is so big. This is nice because it is guaranteed that I will meet people with the same passion and interest I have for something. There are so many other things I can do on campus including bowling, rock-climbing, beach volleyball, watch performances at the Krannert Hall, go to poster sales, attend open mics, or attend mixers and block parties. I don't ever have to worry that I'm the one person out of super small group of people interested in going to an event.
The #1 question I've been getting from people here is, "Why pick Illinois over California?"
I tell them I want to put myself out there, and really experience life as much as I can the next four years. If I don't like it, I can move back. This entire four-year journey is a rare chance, because I'd never come to Urbana-Champaign just as a tourist, or to "sight-see" the corn fields. Even if I only visit a friend for a few days, it wouldn't compare to experience as really living on campus and being a part of the student community here. Seeing orange and blue everywhere, the colors are definitely growing on me more and more each day. I'm bleeding blue and orange, and I haven't even taken my first test yet or met my classmates of the semester.
Yes, Illinois is the #1 party school (people go "trick-or-treating" at night often - if you don't get it, it's okay. It's my own term, haha). But Illinois is also the #1 community I'm glad to be a part of. Most of the 43,603 students on campus are strangers to me, but people are friendly, they are looking out for me, and we are all in this together. Most of the people I talked to this past week, I probably will never see again, but I think there's beauty in that. They may influence me and make a difference without even knowing it. The only thing really bringing us together is our identity with the U of I (I've been getting used to calling it that more, instead of UIUC or saying the full name like I did back home).
Besides a service program, an Asian American club, and ice skating, I might also join a religious group. I went to a Christian fellowship group last night, and I was surprised I got myself there somehow. I haven't been to church consistently in a couple years, and I've been on and off with my faith because I feel that it's too complicated for me to deal with and I have too many questions to figure it out. I'll keep an open mind, and we'll see where this goes.
My dorm is starting to feel like my home (and I'm actually staying pretty neat/organized...for now), and I can shout, "I-N-I," pretty confidently when I hear someone say "I-L-L." The next four years on this campus, in the college town, is going to be the best yet and I really want to take advantage of it. I want to go to events, try new things, meet new people every day. The only thing is that I hope I keep my word to that so I don't let the four years fly by with only stressful and routine days. I am so thankful I have the opportunity to experience college life like this, and the independence factor is frightening but exhilarating. I'm eventually going to have to be fully responsible for myself, and college is definitely a good transition. After college, the career starts (hopefully) and things get real. I'm sure the experience will be rewarding too, but for now I think college is the perfect balance between independence/responsibility, and fun/exploration.
I love this college town, and I can't wait to make the most out of the next four years I have here. I am excited to see how this journey shapes and moves me, and I hope I learn to enjoy everything that happens, positive and negative. This orientation week has gone by way to fast, and I can't believe my first day of college classes start today.
There are so many "nooks" on campus I'm excited to discover throughout the next four years, and too many restaurants I want to try out.
I don't know if I said everything I wanted to say, but I think I got a good chunk of it out of my system. I'm gonna head off to class soon, so see ya!
Best of luck to the upcoming school year,
Shan
P.S- I'm missing all of my friends and family back home! It's weird saying "back home," because I feel like I'm only a couple miles away at some summer camp. You can look forward to another post from me soon, because I'll probably write another post when reality hits me and I start feeling really homesick.
P.P.S- If you're interested in seeing my daily life on campus through pictures, here's a link to the site: https://shanillini.wordpress.com/ It's a project that is part of my ART105 class, Visual Design for non-majors. I'm having a fun start, but I'm also up so late because of this, haha.
The day before move-in day, I was freaking out. I had never been in Illinois before, not to mention being on the gigantic campus. I only knew that there would be a lot of corn, and that the winter time would be harsh. I didn't know if I'd feel like home here, or if I'd like that it was kind of in the middle of nowhere.
The last week has gone way above my expectations and it has been filled with new adventures, new friends (yes, I'm actually making new friends!), and the start of independence of living on my own.
I am loving being a student at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. The diversity is real, and the people are friendly. I feel like I am part of a true community, not just a person looking in from the outside. The school spirit is deafening, and I feel proud to be walking on the campus as a student here. The college town is beautiful, and I am loving seeing green grass instead of brown grass all around campus. The weather is perfect for me (until September that is). I know the winter is going to get brutal, but for now I'm just appreciating the California weather over here. It actually might even be better than Cali weather. There's been a nice breeze going through every day, and even when there are overcast skies, the temperature is still warm enough that I can go out in shorts and a sleeveless shirt.
I have been spotting my high school classmates often, and it makes me happy to be able to re-unite with them, even if it's only for a couple minutes. I'm also enjoying trying new things, exploring, and making new connections with people that grew up in completely different states and have very different backgrounds. I'm learning that we have much more in common than we think we do, especially with the sense of humor I have.
There are a lot of amazing restaurants and PMT spots on Green St., and the food I eat are walked off every time I need to get somewhere by feet. The campus is huge, so I've been walking at least 10,000 steps a day. I don't see the need to go to the gym anymore. Being a student, I am realizing how many discounts we get and I am happy to take 'em. Free admission into a lot of events, discounts on food or store items, and not needing to pay to ride the buses (that's a definite must) or cheap admission into the skating rink makes the college tuition a little more worth it, that is... if I actually get out of my dorm to explore what's out there. I've eaten a lot of free meals, gotten free t-shirts, attended grad night-like events (the LateNighter), and attended my first service event here (we painted the outside building walls at "Salt & Light Ministries
- check them out: http://www.saltandlightministry.org/). There are always a large number of people at each event, because the school is so big. This is nice because it is guaranteed that I will meet people with the same passion and interest I have for something. There are so many other things I can do on campus including bowling, rock-climbing, beach volleyball, watch performances at the Krannert Hall, go to poster sales, attend open mics, or attend mixers and block parties. I don't ever have to worry that I'm the one person out of super small group of people interested in going to an event.
The #1 question I've been getting from people here is, "Why pick Illinois over California?"
I tell them I want to put myself out there, and really experience life as much as I can the next four years. If I don't like it, I can move back. This entire four-year journey is a rare chance, because I'd never come to Urbana-Champaign just as a tourist, or to "sight-see" the corn fields. Even if I only visit a friend for a few days, it wouldn't compare to experience as really living on campus and being a part of the student community here. Seeing orange and blue everywhere, the colors are definitely growing on me more and more each day. I'm bleeding blue and orange, and I haven't even taken my first test yet or met my classmates of the semester.
Yes, Illinois is the #1 party school (people go "trick-or-treating" at night often - if you don't get it, it's okay. It's my own term, haha). But Illinois is also the #1 community I'm glad to be a part of. Most of the 43,603 students on campus are strangers to me, but people are friendly, they are looking out for me, and we are all in this together. Most of the people I talked to this past week, I probably will never see again, but I think there's beauty in that. They may influence me and make a difference without even knowing it. The only thing really bringing us together is our identity with the U of I (I've been getting used to calling it that more, instead of UIUC or saying the full name like I did back home).
Besides a service program, an Asian American club, and ice skating, I might also join a religious group. I went to a Christian fellowship group last night, and I was surprised I got myself there somehow. I haven't been to church consistently in a couple years, and I've been on and off with my faith because I feel that it's too complicated for me to deal with and I have too many questions to figure it out. I'll keep an open mind, and we'll see where this goes.
My dorm is starting to feel like my home (and I'm actually staying pretty neat/organized...for now), and I can shout, "I-N-I," pretty confidently when I hear someone say "I-L-L." The next four years on this campus, in the college town, is going to be the best yet and I really want to take advantage of it. I want to go to events, try new things, meet new people every day. The only thing is that I hope I keep my word to that so I don't let the four years fly by with only stressful and routine days. I am so thankful I have the opportunity to experience college life like this, and the independence factor is frightening but exhilarating. I'm eventually going to have to be fully responsible for myself, and college is definitely a good transition. After college, the career starts (hopefully) and things get real. I'm sure the experience will be rewarding too, but for now I think college is the perfect balance between independence/responsibility, and fun/exploration.
I love this college town, and I can't wait to make the most out of the next four years I have here. I am excited to see how this journey shapes and moves me, and I hope I learn to enjoy everything that happens, positive and negative. This orientation week has gone by way to fast, and I can't believe my first day of college classes start today.
There are so many "nooks" on campus I'm excited to discover throughout the next four years, and too many restaurants I want to try out.
I don't know if I said everything I wanted to say, but I think I got a good chunk of it out of my system. I'm gonna head off to class soon, so see ya!
Best of luck to the upcoming school year,
Shan
P.S- I'm missing all of my friends and family back home! It's weird saying "back home," because I feel like I'm only a couple miles away at some summer camp. You can look forward to another post from me soon, because I'll probably write another post when reality hits me and I start feeling really homesick.
P.P.S- If you're interested in seeing my daily life on campus through pictures, here's a link to the site: https://shanillini.wordpress.com/ It's a project that is part of my ART105 class, Visual Design for non-majors. I'm having a fun start, but I'm also up so late because of this, haha.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Leaving for College
Well, hello there. Here I am again, blogging late at night when I'm getting emotional about something that is happening in my life. I remember wanting to write a blog post on the last 50 days of high school, and here I am feeling knotted about my last summer before college ending already. I want to embrace change, get out of my comfort zone and really experience as much of life as I can. I want to meet new people, open my mind to see more of the world, and learn what it's like to be independent. But I also don't want to do any of that.
In about 24 hours, I'll be all packed up, ready to head to Illinois to start my first year of college. I'm typing this during my last night in my own bed at home. It's sad for me to even think about.
I'm leaving my comfortable home, my family, my good friends, my cats I sometimes neglect, my job, my high school, and all the memories that's been created around the Bay Area the last 18 years. I'd say I had a pretty decent summer, but I just wish time would slow down a little.
I'm going to miss being sassy with my sister. I'm going to miss seeing her skate. I'm scared that I'll come back and she'll be way too tall for my liking and not be the "little" sister I've been with all this time. Seeing her grow up so fast makes it even worse. She's already starting high school, and she's becoming more mature than me (not that I've set a very high standard, but still).
I've been driving almost every day this summer with my dad, who taught me how to drive so that I passed my license test this past Monday (FINALLY)! I was happy that I passed but I was also sad that I'd never drive around with my dad for no reason anymore, other than to get some hours of driving practice whenever we could. It's an odd feeling, working with my dad all summer with the goal of getting my license and then actually finally getting it. And even though it's probably tiring and tedious for him, I'm going to miss getting rides from him from work, to counseling, to volunteering, back to home almost every day of the school year. I'm going to miss sleeping in the car holding a half-eaten breakfast while he drives me to the rink for early morning practices, and eating lunch with him at Creekside park before he drops me off at the empty rink to skate in the early afternoon. I'm going to miss the bowl of fruit he gives me almost every night in addition to the one he packs for me to bring to school (which is also why I made friends in high school). I already miss jogging with him on Wednesday mornings before late start, too.
My mom and I got closer this summer, and she's been through a lot with me. She was there for me for every milestone in my life so far. Every competition, every test, and every change of plan. Even when she knew I was probably going on the path less traveled, she stuck with me even through all my mistakes and all the problems I created for myself. I remember when I was younger and would want to sleep with her in her room, and when she bought me gym membership and invite me to go to 24 Hours Fitness with her. I'm so thankful I have her in my life, because without her I honestly don't know what I'd do. She planned all of my extra-curriculars, activities, and camps as a kid and I'd say I had a pretty fulfilling childhood because of that. Some days I'd come home to smoothies and lunches she prepared for me, even though I already went out to each lunch with my classmates. And even though I only homeschooled for a half a year, it made a pretty big difference in my life. She was also flexible enough to let me go back to public school once I figured out homeschooling wasn't for me.
Our family road trips to National parks, annual ski trips up in Tahoe, and monthly bike rides are all just memories that I'll look back on when I'm an adult reminiscing on my childhood. Or when I'm an incoming college student feeling homesick and freaking out about things I have no control over.
Okay, I'm know I'm just being nostalgic. And even though I have a knot in my stomach already, I'm positive I'll be fine once I step on campus. I'll learn my way around, and I'll eventually get used to living in my new home for the next four years. It's just a crazy thought knowing that things in my life are about to change so drastically and they will never be the same again. I don't trust myself enough to feel ready for all of that right now.
The connections I've made with the people here I will never forget, and I am so glad I've been able to meet the people I have met. Although some connections have fallen apart, some have only grown stronger. I can only be grateful for all the experiences and the moments I've had with these people. If you're reading this post, thanks for caring enough to click on my posts and actually read through all of these.
Also, if you've ever given me a ride, I appreciate it. Chat me up around break and I'll return the favor when we hangout, haha.
'Till next time, San Jose--
Shan
In about 24 hours, I'll be all packed up, ready to head to Illinois to start my first year of college. I'm typing this during my last night in my own bed at home. It's sad for me to even think about.
I'm leaving my comfortable home, my family, my good friends, my cats I sometimes neglect, my job, my high school, and all the memories that's been created around the Bay Area the last 18 years. I'd say I had a pretty decent summer, but I just wish time would slow down a little.
I'm going to miss being sassy with my sister. I'm going to miss seeing her skate. I'm scared that I'll come back and she'll be way too tall for my liking and not be the "little" sister I've been with all this time. Seeing her grow up so fast makes it even worse. She's already starting high school, and she's becoming more mature than me (not that I've set a very high standard, but still).
I've been driving almost every day this summer with my dad, who taught me how to drive so that I passed my license test this past Monday (FINALLY)! I was happy that I passed but I was also sad that I'd never drive around with my dad for no reason anymore, other than to get some hours of driving practice whenever we could. It's an odd feeling, working with my dad all summer with the goal of getting my license and then actually finally getting it. And even though it's probably tiring and tedious for him, I'm going to miss getting rides from him from work, to counseling, to volunteering, back to home almost every day of the school year. I'm going to miss sleeping in the car holding a half-eaten breakfast while he drives me to the rink for early morning practices, and eating lunch with him at Creekside park before he drops me off at the empty rink to skate in the early afternoon. I'm going to miss the bowl of fruit he gives me almost every night in addition to the one he packs for me to bring to school (which is also why I made friends in high school). I already miss jogging with him on Wednesday mornings before late start, too.
My mom and I got closer this summer, and she's been through a lot with me. She was there for me for every milestone in my life so far. Every competition, every test, and every change of plan. Even when she knew I was probably going on the path less traveled, she stuck with me even through all my mistakes and all the problems I created for myself. I remember when I was younger and would want to sleep with her in her room, and when she bought me gym membership and invite me to go to 24 Hours Fitness with her. I'm so thankful I have her in my life, because without her I honestly don't know what I'd do. She planned all of my extra-curriculars, activities, and camps as a kid and I'd say I had a pretty fulfilling childhood because of that. Some days I'd come home to smoothies and lunches she prepared for me, even though I already went out to each lunch with my classmates. And even though I only homeschooled for a half a year, it made a pretty big difference in my life. She was also flexible enough to let me go back to public school once I figured out homeschooling wasn't for me.
Our family road trips to National parks, annual ski trips up in Tahoe, and monthly bike rides are all just memories that I'll look back on when I'm an adult reminiscing on my childhood. Or when I'm an incoming college student feeling homesick and freaking out about things I have no control over.
Okay, I'm know I'm just being nostalgic. And even though I have a knot in my stomach already, I'm positive I'll be fine once I step on campus. I'll learn my way around, and I'll eventually get used to living in my new home for the next four years. It's just a crazy thought knowing that things in my life are about to change so drastically and they will never be the same again. I don't trust myself enough to feel ready for all of that right now.
The connections I've made with the people here I will never forget, and I am so glad I've been able to meet the people I have met. Although some connections have fallen apart, some have only grown stronger. I can only be grateful for all the experiences and the moments I've had with these people. If you're reading this post, thanks for caring enough to click on my posts and actually read through all of these.
Also, if you've ever given me a ride, I appreciate it. Chat me up around break and I'll return the favor when we hangout, haha.
'Till next time, San Jose--
Shan
Saturday, July 25, 2015
YouTube Watchin'
There's only three weeks left of my summer before college starts (kinda really insane) and sadly, I've been spending quite a bit of my summer staying in bed until the afternoon watching YouTube videos. It probably isn't the ideal activity I want to be doing with the freedom I have left, but I think the YouTube community is pretty great and I'm in awe how creating videos and posting them online can have such an impact on people's lives anywhere in the world. It allows ideas to be shared, new trends to start, and more people to come together and support each other. It has been the hype of the last couple of years. The community is rapidly growing and developing, probably even quicker than the rate of the new iPhone releases.
I'm currently subscribed to 29 channels. Here's a list of 7 channels I've really been enjoying lately. Check them out if you want! I also left their YouTube channel links so you don't need to search them up.
1. Shaytards (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJZ7f6NQzGKZnFXzFW9y9UQ)
About: A crazy & super outgoing guy named Shay vlogging about his life with his wife & 5 kids. He runs marathons and does Crossfit.
Why I watch: He has a young heart, a great positive spirit, and I like the way he lives his life. He is passionate about what he wants to do, and it is easy to tell that he tries his best to be a better person every day when I see the way he reflects and contemplates about life with his family. He has a genuine bond with his family, and the kids are adorable and their videos never get boring.
2. Zoella (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWRV5AVOlKJR1Flvgt310Cw)
About: A beauty guru from the UK. She has a pet pug. Girlfriend of "PointlessBlog" AKA Alfie.
Why I watch: I've been following her videos and blogs for a while now, and I never get tired of watching her videos. I think her haul videos are interesting, and even when she makes videos addressing anxiety or other subjects less beauty-related, I enjoy hearing what she has to say. I read her first fictional novel (Girl Online), and it was a really enjoyable read. Here are some quotes from her book I put on my Page Connections blog: http://pageconnections.blogspot.com/2015/01/girl-online-by-zoe-sugg.html. And her British accent only helps.
3. Keaton Milburn (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqLwTUD5rw7woS1Oi1W5H3Q)
About: A high school vlogger & beauty YouTuber.
Why I watch: She's closer in age to most of the other YouTubers I watch, so I feel like I relate to her easier. She doesn't seem like just a teenage girl who is making videos just to try and make it big or become super famous, but she seems down-to-earth and someone I could get along with in real life.
4. Jacksgap (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTqEu1wZDBju2tHkNP1dwzQ)
About: British twins who love to travel the world (and visit exotic places) and share moments of their trips with the rest of the world. They are good at producing their artsy-looking, creative, intriguing, and unique videos.
Why I watch: I've been subscribed to Jacksgap since Jack's first video, and I've watched every single video since. They aren't the typical YouTubers that update weekly and do silly and funny videos (although they definitely have a decent amount on their channel), but they upload quality content for sure. I've enjoyed seeming them grow and mature over the years and see the really cool projects they are involved in. I admire that they really live to enjoy the present, and even though they didn't take the conventional path with their education or career, they are making it work for themselves and working hard to get where they want to.
5. JoshuaDTV (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeNfkWyfEXpZ8d1DmvwDt_w)
About: Entertaining vlogger, who is trying to vlog 365 days of his life non-stop. He is also the husband of Colleen (MirandaSings). He really likes eating kale.
Why I watch: I started watching his vlogs just a couple days ago. He's funny, he has a cute and candid relationship with Colleen, and every time I finish one of his vlogs, I just want to watch more.
6. MoreWongFu (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFIPBP94wEfZemSaonc9-0g)
About: The second channel of "WongFu Productions." "Wongfu" started from 3 Asian-American friends who made short films about romance. Just a couple weeks ago, they released their first movie, "Everything Before Us." They are involved in a lot of different Asian-American communities online as well.
Why I watch: There are two shows on here I enjoy watching - "Lunch Break" and "Offline." They haven't posted much on their main channel because (I'm assuming) most of their efforts were focused on producing and filming their movie. I've been thoroughly enjoying their second channel videos, while I sit through their conversations while they are on lunch break, or see what happens during a typical day in the office at the WongFu Productions.
7. Superwoman (https://www.youtube.com/user/IISuperwomanII/featured)
About: Canadian vlogger & content creator who does a great job acting as her parents sometimes (her parent's react videos are hilarious). She created "Unicorn Island," which I think is pretty cool.
Why I watch: Both of our names start with "S." But that's not the only reason I watch her videos. She is extremely relatable and I crack up in most of her videos, no joke. She does a lot of "Types of.." or "My Parents React..." videos. She uploads every Monday & Thursday. And she does t-shirt references. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go watch her videos!
I swear YouTube isn't the only thing I've been up to this summer....... ?@&%
Thanks for reading all of that! Let me know what you think of the channels^.
See ya soon,
Shan
I'm currently subscribed to 29 channels. Here's a list of 7 channels I've really been enjoying lately. Check them out if you want! I also left their YouTube channel links so you don't need to search them up.
1. Shaytards (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJZ7f6NQzGKZnFXzFW9y9UQ)
About: A crazy & super outgoing guy named Shay vlogging about his life with his wife & 5 kids. He runs marathons and does Crossfit.
Why I watch: He has a young heart, a great positive spirit, and I like the way he lives his life. He is passionate about what he wants to do, and it is easy to tell that he tries his best to be a better person every day when I see the way he reflects and contemplates about life with his family. He has a genuine bond with his family, and the kids are adorable and their videos never get boring.
2. Zoella (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWRV5AVOlKJR1Flvgt310Cw)
About: A beauty guru from the UK. She has a pet pug. Girlfriend of "PointlessBlog" AKA Alfie.
Why I watch: I've been following her videos and blogs for a while now, and I never get tired of watching her videos. I think her haul videos are interesting, and even when she makes videos addressing anxiety or other subjects less beauty-related, I enjoy hearing what she has to say. I read her first fictional novel (Girl Online), and it was a really enjoyable read. Here are some quotes from her book I put on my Page Connections blog: http://pageconnections.blogspot.com/2015/01/girl-online-by-zoe-sugg.html. And her British accent only helps.
3. Keaton Milburn (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqLwTUD5rw7woS1Oi1W5H3Q)
About: A high school vlogger & beauty YouTuber.
Why I watch: She's closer in age to most of the other YouTubers I watch, so I feel like I relate to her easier. She doesn't seem like just a teenage girl who is making videos just to try and make it big or become super famous, but she seems down-to-earth and someone I could get along with in real life.
4. Jacksgap (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTqEu1wZDBju2tHkNP1dwzQ)
About: British twins who love to travel the world (and visit exotic places) and share moments of their trips with the rest of the world. They are good at producing their artsy-looking, creative, intriguing, and unique videos.
Why I watch: I've been subscribed to Jacksgap since Jack's first video, and I've watched every single video since. They aren't the typical YouTubers that update weekly and do silly and funny videos (although they definitely have a decent amount on their channel), but they upload quality content for sure. I've enjoyed seeming them grow and mature over the years and see the really cool projects they are involved in. I admire that they really live to enjoy the present, and even though they didn't take the conventional path with their education or career, they are making it work for themselves and working hard to get where they want to.
5. JoshuaDTV (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeNfkWyfEXpZ8d1DmvwDt_w)
About: Entertaining vlogger, who is trying to vlog 365 days of his life non-stop. He is also the husband of Colleen (MirandaSings). He really likes eating kale.
Why I watch: I started watching his vlogs just a couple days ago. He's funny, he has a cute and candid relationship with Colleen, and every time I finish one of his vlogs, I just want to watch more.
6. MoreWongFu (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFIPBP94wEfZemSaonc9-0g)
About: The second channel of "WongFu Productions." "Wongfu" started from 3 Asian-American friends who made short films about romance. Just a couple weeks ago, they released their first movie, "Everything Before Us." They are involved in a lot of different Asian-American communities online as well.
Why I watch: There are two shows on here I enjoy watching - "Lunch Break" and "Offline." They haven't posted much on their main channel because (I'm assuming) most of their efforts were focused on producing and filming their movie. I've been thoroughly enjoying their second channel videos, while I sit through their conversations while they are on lunch break, or see what happens during a typical day in the office at the WongFu Productions.
7. Superwoman (https://www.youtube.com/user/IISuperwomanII/featured)
About: Canadian vlogger & content creator who does a great job acting as her parents sometimes (her parent's react videos are hilarious). She created "Unicorn Island," which I think is pretty cool.
Why I watch: Both of our names start with "S." But that's not the only reason I watch her videos. She is extremely relatable and I crack up in most of her videos, no joke. She does a lot of "Types of.." or "My Parents React..." videos. She uploads every Monday & Thursday. And she does t-shirt references. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go watch her videos!
I swear YouTube isn't the only thing I've been up to this summer....... ?@&%
Thanks for reading all of that! Let me know what you think of the channels^.
See ya soon,
Shan
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
SFIT.
I honestly don't know where to even begin.. I'm just feel kind of numb right now. When I landed last night, it finally hit me that my two and half year journey with the Junior team of San Francisco Ice Theatre had just officially ended.
I like being a part of a team sport, and I love the sport of figure skating even more. I didn't have any of those things in the beginning of my Sophomore year. Having the opportunity to join SFIT before Nationals of 2013 was probably the best thing that happened to me during my time in high school.
There isn't really way for me to describe what it feels like to be on a team like SFIT, and I don't think I'll be forgetting that feeling any time soon. Every practice, every fall, every victory, and every tear has become a part of who we are, and what we accomplish as a team. The encouragement and passion on the team helps us stay together even when the game (chess game?) gets rough and frustration seeps through.
Sitting in the arena in Hobart, Ohio, after our CE skate, I remember our coach running up telling us we got 4th. And one day after that, the start of a 3-year streak began when we ended up winning overall that year. I wasn't there in the beginning of the season when the hard work was put into the creation and practice of the routines, but after being on the team the last couple of months leading up to Nationals, I knew I'd want to stay on the team as long as I could. And I did. Through two more wins and an experience I would never take back at Nations Cup 2015 (My post on my experience: http://mainlyshan.blogspot.com/2015/05/i-missed-six-full-days-of-school-to-be.html). I am so lucky to have been a part of all of this before the first win, and witness the growth of the team with the high standard we now set for ourselves and for the sport of Theatre on Ice skating three seasons later.
SFIT also has a Novice team now that I've gotten to know better this year, and I'm so glad the family is growing and that there is nothing but support for the blue and the yellow of SFIT. I am so proud of their hard work and accomplishments the last two years. Running over in our skate guards to watch Novice perform their freeskate right after an unofficial practice with our costumes resulted in some surprised and concerned looks, but it felt so rewarding being able to scream and cheer for them and say, "Yep, they are our teammates and we are the SFIT family." Theatre on Ice has also allowed many teams to bond, and I've met a few new friends from different teams I'll miss seeing in the future. Nations Cup bonded the three USA teams that went this year, and it was great being able to see them one more time.. Being able to cheer everyone on and trade pins with different skaters around the nation has been exciting. It's beautiful seeing so many encouraging skaters from different teams support each other.
Even though we are the San Francisco Ice Theatre, there are skaters on the Junior team come from Fremont, San Francisco, Cupertino, and Belmont. We may be known as the mostly "Asian" team, but we all come from pretty diverse backgrounds. It's interesting to see how close we can get just by seeing each other during early Saturday morning practices once a week. I'm glad we were all able to create one more memory together last weekend before the seniors of this year leave. One of the people left out of the memory from Nationals this year was Erin ..
I will miss being on the same team as Erin and skating alongside her. I'm going to miss our amazing coaches, Louis and Paige. I'm going to miss our silly but dedicated parents. I'm going to miss our less scratchy mazurkas, our Sharetea runs after SF practice, and our edge classes. I'm going to miss our good run-throughs, our rough practices, and our costume malfunctions. I'm going to miss jumping with masks and headpieces. I'm going to miss the Asian food for dinner, and the grapes. I'm going to miss off-ice with crazy teammates and the video reviews. I'm going to miss flooding a hotel with our loud voices and taking selfies. I'm going to miss our blue shirts. I'm going to miss the visualizations in the locker room before we skate. And I'm going to miss being a part the 24-member skater squad.
Life is supposed to move on, because with everything, there always comes an end. I can't avoid it, I'm supposed to accept it, but it's difficult. I don't feel like I'm going to be in Illinois three days before Skate San Francisco. I still imagine myself coming back to the auditions two months from now and anticipating a new season with new programs with the same people. Even though change is inevitable, I'm not sure I'm ready to accept this change after what SFIT has done for me and how much it has helped shape my life. Not to mention I love the people on the team a little bit too much.
I didn't want to end the season with a fall, but there are things that we can't control or predict or alter. I was able to skate with my family one last time and there's nothing I can say other than, "thank you." Thanks for the new bonds, new connections, new friends. Thanks for being so welcoming and for including me into the family. After 3 consecutive gold medals, amd 4 special awards, and a bid to Nations Cup in the last three years... Damn. The people that had the vision, the people that brought a team together, and the people that executed what needed to be done. That's SFIT for ya.
We'll have to see what the future brings us, yeah?
Shan
I like being a part of a team sport, and I love the sport of figure skating even more. I didn't have any of those things in the beginning of my Sophomore year. Having the opportunity to join SFIT before Nationals of 2013 was probably the best thing that happened to me during my time in high school.
There isn't really way for me to describe what it feels like to be on a team like SFIT, and I don't think I'll be forgetting that feeling any time soon. Every practice, every fall, every victory, and every tear has become a part of who we are, and what we accomplish as a team. The encouragement and passion on the team helps us stay together even when the game (chess game?) gets rough and frustration seeps through.
Sitting in the arena in Hobart, Ohio, after our CE skate, I remember our coach running up telling us we got 4th. And one day after that, the start of a 3-year streak began when we ended up winning overall that year. I wasn't there in the beginning of the season when the hard work was put into the creation and practice of the routines, but after being on the team the last couple of months leading up to Nationals, I knew I'd want to stay on the team as long as I could. And I did. Through two more wins and an experience I would never take back at Nations Cup 2015 (My post on my experience: http://mainlyshan.blogspot.com/2015/05/i-missed-six-full-days-of-school-to-be.html). I am so lucky to have been a part of all of this before the first win, and witness the growth of the team with the high standard we now set for ourselves and for the sport of Theatre on Ice skating three seasons later.
SFIT also has a Novice team now that I've gotten to know better this year, and I'm so glad the family is growing and that there is nothing but support for the blue and the yellow of SFIT. I am so proud of their hard work and accomplishments the last two years. Running over in our skate guards to watch Novice perform their freeskate right after an unofficial practice with our costumes resulted in some surprised and concerned looks, but it felt so rewarding being able to scream and cheer for them and say, "Yep, they are our teammates and we are the SFIT family." Theatre on Ice has also allowed many teams to bond, and I've met a few new friends from different teams I'll miss seeing in the future. Nations Cup bonded the three USA teams that went this year, and it was great being able to see them one more time.. Being able to cheer everyone on and trade pins with different skaters around the nation has been exciting. It's beautiful seeing so many encouraging skaters from different teams support each other.
Even though we are the San Francisco Ice Theatre, there are skaters on the Junior team come from Fremont, San Francisco, Cupertino, and Belmont. We may be known as the mostly "Asian" team, but we all come from pretty diverse backgrounds. It's interesting to see how close we can get just by seeing each other during early Saturday morning practices once a week. I'm glad we were all able to create one more memory together last weekend before the seniors of this year leave. One of the people left out of the memory from Nationals this year was Erin ..
I will miss being on the same team as Erin and skating alongside her. I'm going to miss our amazing coaches, Louis and Paige. I'm going to miss our silly but dedicated parents. I'm going to miss our less scratchy mazurkas, our Sharetea runs after SF practice, and our edge classes. I'm going to miss our good run-throughs, our rough practices, and our costume malfunctions. I'm going to miss jumping with masks and headpieces. I'm going to miss the Asian food for dinner, and the grapes. I'm going to miss off-ice with crazy teammates and the video reviews. I'm going to miss flooding a hotel with our loud voices and taking selfies. I'm going to miss our blue shirts. I'm going to miss the visualizations in the locker room before we skate. And I'm going to miss being a part the 24-member skater squad.
Life is supposed to move on, because with everything, there always comes an end. I can't avoid it, I'm supposed to accept it, but it's difficult. I don't feel like I'm going to be in Illinois three days before Skate San Francisco. I still imagine myself coming back to the auditions two months from now and anticipating a new season with new programs with the same people. Even though change is inevitable, I'm not sure I'm ready to accept this change after what SFIT has done for me and how much it has helped shape my life. Not to mention I love the people on the team a little bit too much.
I didn't want to end the season with a fall, but there are things that we can't control or predict or alter. I was able to skate with my family one last time and there's nothing I can say other than, "thank you." Thanks for the new bonds, new connections, new friends. Thanks for being so welcoming and for including me into the family. After 3 consecutive gold medals, amd 4 special awards, and a bid to Nations Cup in the last three years... Damn. The people that had the vision, the people that brought a team together, and the people that executed what needed to be done. That's SFIT for ya.
We'll have to see what the future brings us, yeah?
Shan
Monday, May 11, 2015
All That's Inside
Waters of tears
Mouths of dirt
As clear as clouds suffocating the sun
Emotion twirling from within and getting in the way
It consumes your mind
unwelcomed but won't leave
At times, no fucks are given
Other times, you care too much
It's a big deal and it's not
One sided story
Once the seed is planted
Even when you try to avoid it, it follows you
Justification does no justice
If people want to say something they will speak no matter what
Who wants to listen, you are shouting into nothing
Stares glares whispers
Nothing can be done
What will seem trivial years from now
Why such a bother now?
Both sides are valid
But no chances are given
A private situation
A public circle forms
Not their business
The wind blows the bad seeds onto the entire field
Conversations watering the seeds to help them sprout
Variety of stories and twisted vines
Speculation and curiosity
It's man versus man
Broken pieces
Root of misrepresentation and miscommunication
Revenge and anger
Actions from hurt
What's the point of all this?
One decision now suddenly defines all that you are, mistake or not
Faceless mockery
With every break of the stem
From what words are spit out
Seems careless and casual
But an unknown effect it has
Attempting to stay collected
Branches of friendship topple over
Some bind stronger with
support and understanding thank you
Cycle of negativity
Bubbling inside can't let it out
..Just tired.
Shan
*I typed this out on my notes in my phone and decided to share this with you guys. I wanted to this to be candid and real, so I left it in its choppy form. There are things none of us control, and a lot of the times emotions really do get in the way and ruins things for us. It's hard to forgive, it's hard to understand, but we all are human and go through similar situations at one point or another in our lives. If we put things in perspective, I suppose many situations aren't really that big of a deal. But when in the moment, it all feels too much.
Mouths of dirt
As clear as clouds suffocating the sun
Emotion twirling from within and getting in the way
It consumes your mind
unwelcomed but won't leave
At times, no fucks are given
Other times, you care too much
It's a big deal and it's not
One sided story
Once the seed is planted
Even when you try to avoid it, it follows you
Justification does no justice
If people want to say something they will speak no matter what
Who wants to listen, you are shouting into nothing
Stares glares whispers
Nothing can be done
What will seem trivial years from now
Why such a bother now?
Both sides are valid
But no chances are given
A private situation
A public circle forms
Not their business
The wind blows the bad seeds onto the entire field
Conversations watering the seeds to help them sprout
Variety of stories and twisted vines
Speculation and curiosity
It's man versus man
Broken pieces
Root of misrepresentation and miscommunication
Revenge and anger
Actions from hurt
What's the point of all this?
One decision now suddenly defines all that you are, mistake or not
Faceless mockery
With every break of the stem
From what words are spit out
Seems careless and casual
But an unknown effect it has
Attempting to stay collected
Branches of friendship topple over
Some bind stronger with
support and understanding thank you
Cycle of negativity
Bubbling inside can't let it out
..Just tired.
Shan
*I typed this out on my notes in my phone and decided to share this with you guys. I wanted to this to be candid and real, so I left it in its choppy form. There are things none of us control, and a lot of the times emotions really do get in the way and ruins things for us. It's hard to forgive, it's hard to understand, but we all are human and go through similar situations at one point or another in our lives. If we put things in perspective, I suppose many situations aren't really that big of a deal. But when in the moment, it all feels too much.
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