Ay, I've reached my first adulting milestone. It's been 6 months post-grad working in Chicago (Northbrook) now, and I can tell ya a lot has changed. It's a given that people continue to evolve as time passes, but I've never noticed this drastic of a change in myself before. My priorities have changed, my mindset has shifted, and I really don't have energy/time for bullshit. If you know me at all, it's crazy how far we've come, honestly.
Below are six things I've learned/realized over the last six months since graduation.
1. I care a lot more about money than I thought I would.
"It's not about the money, it's about doing what you love." What I've realized for me is, it's about earning the money so I can live the lifestyle I want and comfortably fund my experiences. Yes, I want to also enjoy what I'm doing in the professional setting but I, more importantly, I want to be good at it. There are inevitably going to be skillsets I wish I could be amazing at but doesn't come as naturally to me. If I have to spend excessively more time to learn and perfect a skill/role when my job on the line, that may cause more stress than joy at this point. Sometimes my pride/stubbornness gets in the way of being efficient with my talents. If you've seen the posts (@casualgrit) on the recent book I read, Good to Great by Jim Collins, Jim mentions the Hedgehog Concept in his research. Essentially, it is the intersection of passion, your economic engine ($), and what you're good at that will create peak success. For me, this resonated and has driven the change in how I view my financial goals in life. There's still a long way to go, but realizing what my first steps are is a good start.
2. Time spent in the office/on the commute drains my energy more than I had anticipated.
In high school, many of us had workouts/sports practice before school at 8am, finished school around 3-4pm and continued on with 3-4 other extra-curriculars before studying and completing homework in the eveing. College was a different story (iykyk), but when I started my 8:30-4pm job, I assumed I would have time and energy to do a lot more and be productive after work. Unfortunately, I am a deteriorating human being and it is now essential I receive my prime 7+ hours of sleep and caffeine to get me through my day. After work? Oh my... it's considered a good day if I go to the gym and find the energy to cook dinner. Then I'm cashed. Out of the 5-6 things I want to "work on" after I get home from work, I can only realistically check 2-3 items off my list. Bullet journaling has helped me prioritize a lot, but that is another post comin' up soon.
3a. The personal projects/goals I've ruminated on for years are taking action now with my new lens of "not wanting to live a boring adult life."
I needed the push of adulting and more given alone time...to figure out my blog. Read more. Journal consistently. Be better overall, etc. During the past 4 years, I've thought about all these facets of my life I want to improve and work on but I never had the discipline to buckle down and act on them. Distractions were welcome, and my social-ass self wanted in on ALL boba dates, study sessions at Grainger/Cafe Bene, or any opportunity to "enjoy the full university experience." No regrets looking back, but I truly would've walked away with the same memory of college even if I said "no" a few times and marked some alone time to work on personal projects. However, the past is in the past. Next for me now? Maybe a build a website to compile all my lists/documents/blogs/pages (if you have tips or HTML books, please reach out!)
3b. I want to learn about everything. Almost too much.
There is no longer any excuse I can hide behind to say that I am still a "kid" and "don't know things." Honestly, I am still a child, but I need to survive in the real world independently now. I have a sudden determination to soak up knowledge on how to succeed on a corporate path, learn about investing/money management, be educated on LITERALLY EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE. Fitness. Insurance. Cars. Apartment hunting. Personal growth. Cooking. Furniture. News. Business. Leadership. Retail trends. Technology. Energy management. Reality TV (lol). You name it. I don't want to be a noob anymore, but I might be cramming a little too much too quickly.
If I could give my college self some advice, it would be to PAY ATTENTION to 10% more of whatever I was involved with in college. Whether it's during formal class settings, during team practices on ice, or part-time jobs on campus. There are plenty of life/business lessons I could've learned if I was just a little more attentive. Life all ties together some way some form, and it can be beneficial in the long run to have paid more attention. Professors are experts in their classes, and I have a lot more in-depth curious questions I would ask now if I could. Don't avoid asking for help, or attending office hours.
4. Not seeing my friends all the time is actually OKAY. I really value spending quality time with people who I vibe with...and that's about it.
My biggest fear and worry towards the end of my senior year was not being able to find people to hang around whenever I wanted. A huge benefit of living on campus in the middle of cornfields was how easily accessible everything/everyone was. I was so sad to leave it, but honestly, I am fine with it now. I don't have energy or time Mondays-Thursdays after work anyway, because I need to be a functioning adult. I am okay for naturally set boundaries to see friends on the weekends, or to plan ahead a little to meet up. I appreciate those moments more, and I am more confident in myself to be okay being alone. I look forward to being alone. It's relaxing and very comforting. I might sound crazy to some people because I wouldn't have said any of this 6 months ago, but I know a lot of friends and coworkers have expressed similar thoughts since we left school.
Personalities are not going to change as drastically as maybe they did entering college. We all know we won't get along with everyone on this planet, but being in a college town, there was still a priority to address drama and to figure out little details to ensure sure all relationships were going smoothly and all conflict resolved if possible. We have the rest of our lives to live and so many people on this planet who are on the same wavelength. We can respect differences without having to drain energy and limited time every day agreeing to disagree. This is not to say to not associate with people with different thoughts, but entering drama to stop it isn't going to work. We've all tried.
5. I don't need to stress so much at work day-to-day but I do need to set short-term/long-term professional goals.
It's totally normal to freak out over small things and sometimes feel like you're playing catch-up (you're not the only entry-level employee that feels this way). When I first started (and now sometimes), I worked at home after coming back from the office just because I knew it took me a little longer to finish certain deliverables. There were times I read too much into emails from my team/manager and felt like I wasn't up to par. Sometimes, I just know I am not utilizing all 8 hours of my workday to the max productivity I am capable of. Especially transitioning from college schedules, it took months of adjustment for me to find a work routine that works for me, while still tweaking it from time to time.
This feeling will eventually go away, or I hope it will because I have noticed my anxiety lowering as weeks go by. There will be good days and bad ones, but every moment is just a learning experience. Even if a presentation or pitch doesn't go as planned, we've gotta pick ourselves back up and show up the next day. It is what it is, and the more we can let go of the small nuances, the more focus there will on productive professional development.
6. Taking ownership of my work-life balance supplemented by the exercise of discipline is crucial.
No one is going to tell me how I have to live my life. Messy or clean, up to me. Healthy or degenerate, up to me. Busy or relaxed, up to me. Career-focused or life experience focused, up to me. 100% of my life is up to me, and so many different things work for different people. I have to be self-aware and decide on what I want in for myself, then go after it.
Discipline is the #1 priority I want to incorporate into all aspects of my life right now. I'm not pro at it yet, but it's inevitably too important to disregard at this point if I want to get to where I want to be in the short-term and long-term. Here's to trying, haha.
If you're in college or finishing up, know that everything will work out. Seriously, time doesn't just heal pain/scars, it also broadens horizons and pulls away from the intensity of fear of the unknown. Stress less, and enjoy the process (as Peter says to the girls in the Bachelor). Just like when we all freaked out about college when we were high school minions, the same goes for adulthood. More might be on the line now, but we're also more capable than we were 4+ years ago. Or I'd at least hope so!
'Till next time,
Shan
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Friday, February 14, 2020
Wednesday, December 4, 2019
Putting it in Perspective
Hey, there. Props to you for actually clicking on my self-promo link on Insta or Snapchat (it's @shannonylee, by the way. Hahahaa). I hope you enjoyed the kick-off to this holiday season! I was lucky enough to spend an entire EIGHT days back home in Northern California, where it rained five of the days I was present. And no, I do not hold any responsibility for bringing the "cold, Chicago" weather over there. Nice try. Although I low-key did miss Chicago a little. This was my first break since I started adult-working, so it felt bizarre not going back to Champaign to squad up with my buddies in preparation for finals.
What did I do this break? No one asked. But I'll tell you anyway. I had wayyyy too much boba and ramen. The options here are endless. My friends know how much I love it, so grabbing tea or coffee is usually a top suggestion every hangout. I just can't resist.
I've had one of the best times back in the Bay this time around. I'm really appreciative of the circle of friends I have here. Even though I chose to be in the Midwest to experience more of a different environment and be independent, it's been nice catching up and looking back on our growth over the years and also sharing our current lives in different cities. It's inspiring to me to hear what other people are up to, and it motivates me to keep my own shit together. My sister started college an hour away from home, so I was able to watch the Cal vs Standford football game with her and I also paid a visit to her campus. We're able to relate on a lot more topics now that she's going through the undergrad experience, beyond topics of ice skating and family activities. I think it's been one of the most positive changes I've noticed in my life thus far.
Speaking of change, I've collected a few dusty drafts for this blog now because I haven't been feeling really inspired to write or edit. I feel myself having spurts of inspiration because there's been a decent amount of change in my life and my mindset and I want to update on it, but it's been challenging articulating everything in words. Honestly, I also feel like this blog catches me at my sappier and emotional moments, even if it's obviously not all-encompassing of my thoughts. I enjoy expressing myself (even oversharing sometimes) on this platform because it's a relaxed, low-pressure avenue to project my inner thoughts onto something tangible. It can be challenging and uncomfortable being vulnerable, but it's always a good exercise to let go of self-judgment and fear for what others think. Content sharing and social media isn't everyone's thing, but it's always been an outlet for me to relate to others and I've noticed how it initiates conversations that may have been harder to transition during casual conversation.
I decided to type something up from this week so at least the time spent thinking about all this didn't go to waste. Specifically, the culmination of events that flooded the news this year. As 2019 soon comes to an end, I figured it was appropriate to utilize some of these thoughts as a leading point in the next year in terms of what I want to work on. We all know about the innocent lives lost through mass shootings/gun violence, and a lot of us have been impacted by the most recent passing of a UIC student during Thanksgiving week. I usually try not to ruminate too long on these topics because I know I can't change what happened. I personally didn't know Ruth George, but I feel deep frustration, hopelessness, and anger. I can't even begin to fathom the numbness of her loved ones through this loss. With all of the violence in this world, tension overseas, and the increase of serious climate issues.. it is overwhelming to grasp the profound issues occurring all around the globe.
I've also clocked a few hours watching competition tv series like World of Dance and SYTCD. It might not seem relevant at all that I just brought up, but there were numerous stories highlighting inspiring stories about the adversities contestants faced. They still find the will to live their dreams, pursue their passions, and touch people with their hard work & talent.
Now relating this back to my personal journey. My main question from all of that is.. What the FUCK am I doing to really get to where I want? I know it's always a work in progress, and I can still be happy with where I am now. But I also know I am lazy, moody, and emotional half the time. I get easily distracted and sleepy, then wake up the next day wishing I had done more.
I digress. Anyway, the point is, shit happens. Life can be bumpy sometimes. But as previously mentioned, life isn't about comparing pain and hardships. Despite all that, even with everything going on in the world today, people conquer their own personal demons every day to get shit done. I have a few comments for myself, and for anyone who finds this relatable. Either way, this is here to hold myself accountable.
Let go of the trivial shit. Gossip, petty shit, moodiness can add texture in life, and it can sometimes be addicting. We all have moments we need to vent or complain, but it's too prevalent in our lives. Even when we all know how immature it is, it still happens. I don't think people even realize when they're doing it, but it becomes a bonding activity when people don't know what to talk about. Usually, there are underlying causes that aren't fixed and won't be fixed if all we do is pick at the rotting band-aid. It is totally valid to express thoughts and stand up for yourself in certain situations, but there's definitely a line not to cross. I personally don't want to too much of my limited time on other people's problems. I have too many of my own.
Secondly, if you have dreams or ideas itching in the back of your mind for you to try, just PURSUE them. There are a million excuses you could use, and yes, it can be daunting. But you will never know how it feels until you are crossing that bridge, and simplifying the goal from A to B may help to eliminate the excuses that are there for no reason. I have a lot of goals I want to make in terms of learning new skillsets (coding, video, fitness/health) that I've been mumbling to myself in my sleep on how I want to start it. How many real steps have I taken to achieve them? Point five. Do I have anything life-threatening things hindering me from it? No. So I really who to blame except for my own, damn self. That SO needs to change. New Years' resolution inspiration? Who knows.
Okay, those are the two main things I've thought about for now. It's getting late. Have a good week, happy Hump Day.
See ya,
Shan
What did I do this break? No one asked. But I'll tell you anyway. I had wayyyy too much boba and ramen. The options here are endless. My friends know how much I love it, so grabbing tea or coffee is usually a top suggestion every hangout. I just can't resist.
I've had one of the best times back in the Bay this time around. I'm really appreciative of the circle of friends I have here. Even though I chose to be in the Midwest to experience more of a different environment and be independent, it's been nice catching up and looking back on our growth over the years and also sharing our current lives in different cities. It's inspiring to me to hear what other people are up to, and it motivates me to keep my own shit together. My sister started college an hour away from home, so I was able to watch the Cal vs Standford football game with her and I also paid a visit to her campus. We're able to relate on a lot more topics now that she's going through the undergrad experience, beyond topics of ice skating and family activities. I think it's been one of the most positive changes I've noticed in my life thus far.
Speaking of change, I've collected a few dusty drafts for this blog now because I haven't been feeling really inspired to write or edit. I feel myself having spurts of inspiration because there's been a decent amount of change in my life and my mindset and I want to update on it, but it's been challenging articulating everything in words. Honestly, I also feel like this blog catches me at my sappier and emotional moments, even if it's obviously not all-encompassing of my thoughts. I enjoy expressing myself (even oversharing sometimes) on this platform because it's a relaxed, low-pressure avenue to project my inner thoughts onto something tangible. It can be challenging and uncomfortable being vulnerable, but it's always a good exercise to let go of self-judgment and fear for what others think. Content sharing and social media isn't everyone's thing, but it's always been an outlet for me to relate to others and I've noticed how it initiates conversations that may have been harder to transition during casual conversation.
I decided to type something up from this week so at least the time spent thinking about all this didn't go to waste. Specifically, the culmination of events that flooded the news this year. As 2019 soon comes to an end, I figured it was appropriate to utilize some of these thoughts as a leading point in the next year in terms of what I want to work on. We all know about the innocent lives lost through mass shootings/gun violence, and a lot of us have been impacted by the most recent passing of a UIC student during Thanksgiving week. I usually try not to ruminate too long on these topics because I know I can't change what happened. I personally didn't know Ruth George, but I feel deep frustration, hopelessness, and anger. I can't even begin to fathom the numbness of her loved ones through this loss. With all of the violence in this world, tension overseas, and the increase of serious climate issues.. it is overwhelming to grasp the profound issues occurring all around the globe.
I've also clocked a few hours watching competition tv series like World of Dance and SYTCD. It might not seem relevant at all that I just brought up, but there were numerous stories highlighting inspiring stories about the adversities contestants faced. They still find the will to live their dreams, pursue their passions, and touch people with their hard work & talent.
Now relating this back to my personal journey. My main question from all of that is.. What the FUCK am I doing to really get to where I want? I know it's always a work in progress, and I can still be happy with where I am now. But I also know I am lazy, moody, and emotional half the time. I get easily distracted and sleepy, then wake up the next day wishing I had done more.
I digress. Anyway, the point is, shit happens. Life can be bumpy sometimes. But as previously mentioned, life isn't about comparing pain and hardships. Despite all that, even with everything going on in the world today, people conquer their own personal demons every day to get shit done. I have a few comments for myself, and for anyone who finds this relatable. Either way, this is here to hold myself accountable.
Let go of the trivial shit. Gossip, petty shit, moodiness can add texture in life, and it can sometimes be addicting. We all have moments we need to vent or complain, but it's too prevalent in our lives. Even when we all know how immature it is, it still happens. I don't think people even realize when they're doing it, but it becomes a bonding activity when people don't know what to talk about. Usually, there are underlying causes that aren't fixed and won't be fixed if all we do is pick at the rotting band-aid. It is totally valid to express thoughts and stand up for yourself in certain situations, but there's definitely a line not to cross. I personally don't want to too much of my limited time on other people's problems. I have too many of my own.
Secondly, if you have dreams or ideas itching in the back of your mind for you to try, just PURSUE them. There are a million excuses you could use, and yes, it can be daunting. But you will never know how it feels until you are crossing that bridge, and simplifying the goal from A to B may help to eliminate the excuses that are there for no reason. I have a lot of goals I want to make in terms of learning new skillsets (coding, video, fitness/health) that I've been mumbling to myself in my sleep on how I want to start it. How many real steps have I taken to achieve them? Point five. Do I have anything life-threatening things hindering me from it? No. So I really who to blame except for my own, damn self. That SO needs to change. New Years' resolution inspiration? Who knows.
Okay, those are the two main things I've thought about for now. It's getting late. Have a good week, happy Hump Day.
See ya,
Shan
Friday, October 25, 2019
[Struggle Bus]...
Yo, what's up!
It's a beautiful Friday today and I'm thriving. Just kidding, I'm cold and I honestly had one of the busiest weeks at work so far. Work has been rewarding overall because I'm learning a lot, but I feel the exhaustion kick in the moment I get home. Regardless, when I spend time thinking about the personal projects I want to build (including this blog), it helps me stay energized and I can keep chugging along, even if that means I have bags under my eyes.
A few weeks ago, I asked for inspiration for my next post. One suggestion (thank you) asked about the hardest things I went through at UIUC and how I pushed myself to get through those situations. Especially since I just got back from a weekend in Champaign for Homecoming (an unbelievable weekend, by the way), I already have been in a reflective headspace about college days and pre-adulting life.
I'm not going to lie, my college years were one of the best years of my life but I also had my biggest L's during that time. Toxic habits, friendships, and mindsets made it difficult for me to even get out of bed or eat some days. I know a lot of people have gone through similar feelings and situations, but I want to emphasize right off the bat that every individual experience and perception is unique. I am sharing personal anecdotes, and I hope that this is relatable for some. If not, I hope it introduces a different lens and a safe space to talk about these things with others.
A little more background on me.. to help set the scene:
- Originally from: San Jose, California
I grew up in the bubble of Silicon Valley, and I honestly really wanted to get out of that environment just to see what was else was out there. I felt lost in high school, and that made it difficult for me to discover my true interests and set my sights on career paths and/or priorities that differed from other people. I knew that I needed to learn independence and grow to not react with resentment to people, situations, and environments that I felt were hurtful to me.
- Majors: Organizational Psychology & Communications (I started with just Communications)
In high school, I enjoyed humanities-based classes and I already took an interest in psychology, the science behind human interactions, and expression in the form of words(writing/blogging/reading). I had no clue what I wanted out of the degree. I considered teaching, human resources, non-profit work, and social media marketing.
- Extra-curriculars: Alpha Phi Omega Service Fraternity (2 years, Fall 2016 pledge), IllinoiSkating Club Synchronized Skating (4 years, 8-10 hours commitment/wk), Vocational Interest Psychology Research Assistant (2 years)
I figure-skated most of my life, and I was looking to continue it through college. Ice skating was (and still is) a huge part of my identity. The consistency this sport gave me was something I leaned on when I encountered hardships or inconsistencies in other facets of my life. In general, I believe training develops discipline, grit, and work ethic that goes beyond the athletics. As for research and community service, I like to diversify my experiences and meet individuals who have the same interest in helping others and diving deeper in certain subjects.
I came to Illinois intending to expand my horizons, meet people with varying backgrounds, and I also heard the Midwest winters really toughen people up... hahaa. My experience in this college town was hugely impactful in shaping me and will continue to shape me through the years to come.
One of the most difficult barriers I encountered through U of I was finding the value in my education, especially when I felt like my mental health was hindering me from reaching "my full potential" and being who I wanted to be. My parents were funding my higher education and had hopes for me to succeed. But at the end of the day, what was I actually taking out of it? What would I even do with my major or my class knowledge of "Organizational Communication"? I believed in my intelligence and eagerness to learn, but I was always paralyzed by discussing grades, challenging courses, career goals, and money-making priorities. Growing up, there was an unhealthy (in my opinion) emphasis on involvement mainly for benefiting resumes, completing projects for visibility and validation, and networking for promotional and leadership titles (for resume-building purposes).
And look, there's nothing wrong with that. I now understand the importance of success and the drive to take the necessary steps to achieve it. I just was so lost in myself that I became fearful of taking those measures from an insincere standpoint. It wasn't them, it was me.
What did I do to address my panic? I made use of my extraverted traits and overexerted myself in social settings (I still sometimes do that but with a better balance) to find genuine relationships that would distract me from my insecurities and the shame that was boiling up internally. I averaged 3-4.5 hours of sleep a night because of my morning skate practices, I said "yes" to every social event possible, and I chose to ignore the red flags or warnings in my head. You know how people say "I can be in a room full of people but still feel lonely?" That's exactly how I felt. Except I was so sidetracked most of the time I didn't even register that emotion. I was always getting boba, texting dozens of people, or getting wrapped up in unnecessary drama.
During my sophomore year and parts of junior year, I skipped more class than I ever did. I dropped classes and switched classes numerous times to find a way to get through each semester, while not wanting to take away any of my commitments (skating, friends, work, school, and volunteering). I felt like I was constantly drowning. I'd make mistakes and put in effort to continuously patch things up. It was exhausting. I hated myself and wanted to get my life together so badly, but always found an excuse to push it aside. Push my own health aside. I felt motivation in 2-3 day spurts when I would feel like something clicked inside of me. Then I'd go back to my same damn habits. Repeat.
Then one day, I woke up and fixed everything. I'm happy now!!!
.. Just kidding. I am still far from "fixing" everything, and I don't know if I ever will. Which is okay. I also realized I was doing a whole lot of complaining, self-sabotaging, and very little action was taken to even try and see if different solutions would work for my problems. I tried out therapy (which honestly didn't work for me on campus). I put full-focus into job-hunting and loved how driven it made me feel (yes, the stress of career-hunting was probably the best semester of my college career). I worked out consistently and found companions to hold me accountable. I let go of relationships that were either dragging me down or where I was hurting them, too.
Now that I recently graduated, I think it was a suitable time to "re-start." Whenever I notice patterns and habits that sap the happiness out of my life, I weed them out. Logical thinking during the toughest times also really helps center my thought process. I think the biggest lesson learned through my challenges in college was to keep taking it day-by-day. Some days, my insecurities and doubts flood my brain the second I wake up. Because I have a set routine to go to work (yay corporate jobs), it's honestly been a blessing. Once I complete the smallest task, it slowly builds momentum throughout the day to accomplish more. Self-reflection and awareness help me identify the true root causes of my problems. Even if I can't be Bob-the-Builder every day ('cause I'm still a piece of shit), at least I feel gratification in identifying the problem.
Wow, those were a lot of words to explain my little story. Regardless, know that WHATEVER you're going through, even if there are individuals who haven't lived through exactly what you have, there are humans who have felt similar emotions. Validate yourself. Suck it up when you need to suck it up and sulk once in a while if it's just too much. Allow yourself to vent.
I wrote a post on getting through rough times and the perspective I took in high school which is still applicable for me today. Check it out if you want. With all of that, have a good weekend. Go kill it at work, in school, and in life. And then meet me at the clubs on Saturday LOL.
I wrote a post on getting through rough times and the perspective I took in high school which is still applicable for me today. Check it out if you want. With all of that, have a good weekend. Go kill it at work, in school, and in life. And then meet me at the clubs on Saturday LOL.
See ya,
Shannon Lee (I just noticed I didn't put Shan like I used to. Too many emails sent out for work lately, haha)
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Leaving for College
Well, hello there. Here I am again, blogging late at night when I'm getting emotional about something that is happening in my life. I remember wanting to write a blog post on the last 50 days of high school, and here I am feeling knotted about my last summer before college ending already. I want to embrace change, get out of my comfort zone and really experience as much of life as I can. I want to meet new people, open my mind to see more of the world, and learn what it's like to be independent. But I also don't want to do any of that.
In about 24 hours, I'll be all packed up, ready to head to Illinois to start my first year of college. I'm typing this during my last night in my own bed at home. It's sad for me to even think about.
I'm leaving my comfortable home, my family, my good friends, my cats I sometimes neglect, my job, my high school, and all the memories that's been created around the Bay Area the last 18 years. I'd say I had a pretty decent summer, but I just wish time would slow down a little.
I'm going to miss being sassy with my sister. I'm going to miss seeing her skate. I'm scared that I'll come back and she'll be way too tall for my liking and not be the "little" sister I've been with all this time. Seeing her grow up so fast makes it even worse. She's already starting high school, and she's becoming more mature than me (not that I've set a very high standard, but still).
I've been driving almost every day this summer with my dad, who taught me how to drive so that I passed my license test this past Monday (FINALLY)! I was happy that I passed but I was also sad that I'd never drive around with my dad for no reason anymore, other than to get some hours of driving practice whenever we could. It's an odd feeling, working with my dad all summer with the goal of getting my license and then actually finally getting it. And even though it's probably tiring and tedious for him, I'm going to miss getting rides from him from work, to counseling, to volunteering, back to home almost every day of the school year. I'm going to miss sleeping in the car holding a half-eaten breakfast while he drives me to the rink for early morning practices, and eating lunch with him at Creekside park before he drops me off at the empty rink to skate in the early afternoon. I'm going to miss the bowl of fruit he gives me almost every night in addition to the one he packs for me to bring to school (which is also why I made friends in high school). I already miss jogging with him on Wednesday mornings before late start, too.
My mom and I got closer this summer, and she's been through a lot with me. She was there for me for every milestone in my life so far. Every competition, every test, and every change of plan. Even when she knew I was probably going on the path less traveled, she stuck with me even through all my mistakes and all the problems I created for myself. I remember when I was younger and would want to sleep with her in her room, and when she bought me gym membership and invite me to go to 24 Hours Fitness with her. I'm so thankful I have her in my life, because without her I honestly don't know what I'd do. She planned all of my extra-curriculars, activities, and camps as a kid and I'd say I had a pretty fulfilling childhood because of that. Some days I'd come home to smoothies and lunches she prepared for me, even though I already went out to each lunch with my classmates. And even though I only homeschooled for a half a year, it made a pretty big difference in my life. She was also flexible enough to let me go back to public school once I figured out homeschooling wasn't for me.
Our family road trips to National parks, annual ski trips up in Tahoe, and monthly bike rides are all just memories that I'll look back on when I'm an adult reminiscing on my childhood. Or when I'm an incoming college student feeling homesick and freaking out about things I have no control over.
Okay, I'm know I'm just being nostalgic. And even though I have a knot in my stomach already, I'm positive I'll be fine once I step on campus. I'll learn my way around, and I'll eventually get used to living in my new home for the next four years. It's just a crazy thought knowing that things in my life are about to change so drastically and they will never be the same again. I don't trust myself enough to feel ready for all of that right now.
The connections I've made with the people here I will never forget, and I am so glad I've been able to meet the people I have met. Although some connections have fallen apart, some have only grown stronger. I can only be grateful for all the experiences and the moments I've had with these people. If you're reading this post, thanks for caring enough to click on my posts and actually read through all of these.
Also, if you've ever given me a ride, I appreciate it. Chat me up around break and I'll return the favor when we hangout, haha.
'Till next time, San Jose--
Shan
In about 24 hours, I'll be all packed up, ready to head to Illinois to start my first year of college. I'm typing this during my last night in my own bed at home. It's sad for me to even think about.
I'm leaving my comfortable home, my family, my good friends, my cats I sometimes neglect, my job, my high school, and all the memories that's been created around the Bay Area the last 18 years. I'd say I had a pretty decent summer, but I just wish time would slow down a little.
I'm going to miss being sassy with my sister. I'm going to miss seeing her skate. I'm scared that I'll come back and she'll be way too tall for my liking and not be the "little" sister I've been with all this time. Seeing her grow up so fast makes it even worse. She's already starting high school, and she's becoming more mature than me (not that I've set a very high standard, but still).
I've been driving almost every day this summer with my dad, who taught me how to drive so that I passed my license test this past Monday (FINALLY)! I was happy that I passed but I was also sad that I'd never drive around with my dad for no reason anymore, other than to get some hours of driving practice whenever we could. It's an odd feeling, working with my dad all summer with the goal of getting my license and then actually finally getting it. And even though it's probably tiring and tedious for him, I'm going to miss getting rides from him from work, to counseling, to volunteering, back to home almost every day of the school year. I'm going to miss sleeping in the car holding a half-eaten breakfast while he drives me to the rink for early morning practices, and eating lunch with him at Creekside park before he drops me off at the empty rink to skate in the early afternoon. I'm going to miss the bowl of fruit he gives me almost every night in addition to the one he packs for me to bring to school (which is also why I made friends in high school). I already miss jogging with him on Wednesday mornings before late start, too.
My mom and I got closer this summer, and she's been through a lot with me. She was there for me for every milestone in my life so far. Every competition, every test, and every change of plan. Even when she knew I was probably going on the path less traveled, she stuck with me even through all my mistakes and all the problems I created for myself. I remember when I was younger and would want to sleep with her in her room, and when she bought me gym membership and invite me to go to 24 Hours Fitness with her. I'm so thankful I have her in my life, because without her I honestly don't know what I'd do. She planned all of my extra-curriculars, activities, and camps as a kid and I'd say I had a pretty fulfilling childhood because of that. Some days I'd come home to smoothies and lunches she prepared for me, even though I already went out to each lunch with my classmates. And even though I only homeschooled for a half a year, it made a pretty big difference in my life. She was also flexible enough to let me go back to public school once I figured out homeschooling wasn't for me.
Our family road trips to National parks, annual ski trips up in Tahoe, and monthly bike rides are all just memories that I'll look back on when I'm an adult reminiscing on my childhood. Or when I'm an incoming college student feeling homesick and freaking out about things I have no control over.
Okay, I'm know I'm just being nostalgic. And even though I have a knot in my stomach already, I'm positive I'll be fine once I step on campus. I'll learn my way around, and I'll eventually get used to living in my new home for the next four years. It's just a crazy thought knowing that things in my life are about to change so drastically and they will never be the same again. I don't trust myself enough to feel ready for all of that right now.
The connections I've made with the people here I will never forget, and I am so glad I've been able to meet the people I have met. Although some connections have fallen apart, some have only grown stronger. I can only be grateful for all the experiences and the moments I've had with these people. If you're reading this post, thanks for caring enough to click on my posts and actually read through all of these.
Also, if you've ever given me a ride, I appreciate it. Chat me up around break and I'll return the favor when we hangout, haha.
'Till next time, San Jose--
Shan
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