Hey, there. Props to you for actually clicking on my self-promo link on Insta or Snapchat (it's @shannonylee, by the way. Hahahaa). I hope you enjoyed the kick-off to this holiday season! I was lucky enough to spend an entire EIGHT days back home in Northern California, where it rained five of the days I was present. And no, I do not hold any responsibility for bringing the "cold, Chicago" weather over there. Nice try. Although I low-key did miss Chicago a little. This was my first break since I started adult-working, so it felt bizarre not going back to Champaign to squad up with my buddies in preparation for finals.
What did I do this break? No one asked. But I'll tell you anyway. I had wayyyy too much boba and ramen. The options here are endless. My friends know how much I love it, so grabbing tea or coffee is usually a top suggestion every hangout. I just can't resist.
I've had one of the best times back in the Bay this time around. I'm really appreciative of the circle of friends I have here. Even though I chose to be in the Midwest to experience more of a different environment and be independent, it's been nice catching up and looking back on our growth over the years and also sharing our current lives in different cities. It's inspiring to me to hear what other people are up to, and it motivates me to keep my own shit together. My sister started college an hour away from home, so I was able to watch the Cal vs Standford football game with her and I also paid a visit to her campus. We're able to relate on a lot more topics now that she's going through the undergrad experience, beyond topics of ice skating and family activities. I think it's been one of the most positive changes I've noticed in my life thus far.
Speaking of change, I've collected a few dusty drafts for this blog now because I haven't been feeling really inspired to write or edit. I feel myself having spurts of inspiration because there's been a decent amount of change in my life and my mindset and I want to update on it, but it's been challenging articulating everything in words. Honestly, I also feel like this blog catches me at my sappier and emotional moments, even if it's obviously not all-encompassing of my thoughts. I enjoy expressing myself (even oversharing sometimes) on this platform because it's a relaxed, low-pressure avenue to project my inner thoughts onto something tangible. It can be challenging and uncomfortable being vulnerable, but it's always a good exercise to let go of self-judgment and fear for what others think. Content sharing and social media isn't everyone's thing, but it's always been an outlet for me to relate to others and I've noticed how it initiates conversations that may have been harder to transition during casual conversation.
I decided to type something up from this week so at least the time spent thinking about all this didn't go to waste. Specifically, the culmination of events that flooded the news this year. As 2019 soon comes to an end, I figured it was appropriate to utilize some of these thoughts as a leading point in the next year in terms of what I want to work on. We all know about the innocent lives lost through mass shootings/gun violence, and a lot of us have been impacted by the most recent passing of a UIC student during Thanksgiving week. I usually try not to ruminate too long on these topics because I know I can't change what happened. I personally didn't know Ruth George, but I feel deep frustration, hopelessness, and anger. I can't even begin to fathom the numbness of her loved ones through this loss. With all of the violence in this world, tension overseas, and the increase of serious climate issues.. it is overwhelming to grasp the profound issues occurring all around the globe.
I've also clocked a few hours watching competition tv series like World of Dance and SYTCD. It might not seem relevant at all that I just brought up, but there were numerous stories highlighting inspiring stories about the adversities contestants faced. They still find the will to live their dreams, pursue their passions, and touch people with their hard work & talent.
Now relating this back to my personal journey. My main question from all of that is.. What the FUCK am I doing to really get to where I want? I know it's always a work in progress, and I can still be happy with where I am now. But I also know I am lazy, moody, and emotional half the time. I get easily distracted and sleepy, then wake up the next day wishing I had done more.
I digress. Anyway, the point is, shit happens. Life can be bumpy sometimes. But as previously mentioned, life isn't about comparing pain and hardships. Despite all that, even with everything going on in the world today, people conquer their own personal demons every day to get shit done. I have a few comments for myself, and for anyone who finds this relatable. Either way, this is here to hold myself accountable.
Let go of the trivial shit. Gossip, petty shit, moodiness can add texture in life, and it can sometimes be addicting. We all have moments we need to vent or complain, but it's too prevalent in our lives. Even when we all know how immature it is, it still happens. I don't think people even realize when they're doing it, but it becomes a bonding activity when people don't know what to talk about. Usually, there are underlying causes that aren't fixed and won't be fixed if all we do is pick at the rotting band-aid. It is totally valid to express thoughts and stand up for yourself in certain situations, but there's definitely a line not to cross. I personally don't want to too much of my limited time on other people's problems. I have too many of my own.
Secondly, if you have dreams or ideas itching in the back of your mind for you to try, just PURSUE them. There are a million excuses you could use, and yes, it can be daunting. But you will never know how it feels until you are crossing that bridge, and simplifying the goal from A to B may help to eliminate the excuses that are there for no reason. I have a lot of goals I want to make in terms of learning new skillsets (coding, video, fitness/health) that I've been mumbling to myself in my sleep on how I want to start it. How many real steps have I taken to achieve them? Point five. Do I have anything life-threatening things hindering me from it? No. So I really who to blame except for my own, damn self. That SO needs to change. New Years' resolution inspiration? Who knows.
Okay, those are the two main things I've thought about for now. It's getting late. Have a good week, happy Hump Day.
See ya,
Shan
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 4, 2019
Monday, August 12, 2019
I Dreaded Adulthood... So This is What I'm Doing
Hey there,
If you've read any of my previous posts, you already know that I can be nostalgic and sentimental, or maybe even a little angsty... especially during larger transitions in my life. I adored my time at U of I, and although moving on from times like that has exciting aspects, there are definitely bitter moments intertwined with it.
As I finalized my plan to move to Chicago earlier this year, I vowed to myself that the start of my adulthood wouldn't mean a mundane routine, drained energy, and a fast deterioration of my physical and mental health. I wanted to peak during adulthood, not plateau. Yes, I do feel that being 22-years-old is old as shit, but also after entering the real workforce, I've realize how young I truly am. I have so much growth and change ahead of me, but I get wrapped up in the sad thought of my childhood ending, forgetting to embrace the upcoming chapter in life. There is the generalization that post-college means no more fun, and solely work, work, work. That's definitely a fair concern, because with the "free" time comes the need to be in bed by a responsible hour, paying bills on time, and finishing up daily life chores that seemed to complete itself back when I was living with my parents.. I know that not everything about adulting is sunshine and perfection, but would life be interesting without any learning curves or difficult times? If anything, I personally feel liberated knowing I have so much control over my own life to drive whatever kind of life I picture.
I'm quickly learning that just because I get off work by 3:45p most days, it doesn't mean I'll even have the energy to be the college version of me, and neither do my friends/coworkers. I'm still working through understanding personal finance/budgeting, balancing that with making the most of summertime Chicago, finishing up with my apartment/room decorating, and setting aside whatever additional time I have to learn to cook. Oh, and gym regularly.
What motivates me and helps me be more productive every day is the reminder that I have so much to continuously work on. I want to do so much, and the key strategy to accomplish that is to do my best to balance everything. I have a running LIST of all the events or restaurants/bars I want to visit in the city (social butterfly side), and also a separate list of self-development plans and books (professional development/forever student side) my currently ambitious self wants to tackle.
For somewhat of a summary, here are actions I have taken to work towards where I want to be in my new adult life:
- I had trouble waking up earlier every day to my 6 alarms, so I decided to start taking vitamins, making coffee, and eating a snack every morning so I don't waste more money, and sleeping earlier (yes, that's the hardest one for me right now).
- I knew I was vitamin D deficient based on where I live and the adjustment from life in California, but I also took the Care-Of quiz to see which supplements I could buy separately. So far, vitamin D/B-complex/Rhodiola have helped with my energy levels because that has been the biggest struggle for me.
- I have a one hour and fifteen minute commute to and from work up north, and I have no regrets about that. Reading maps every day is allowing me to better understand the geography/streets of where things are laid out in Chicago, which wasn't always my forte. I listen to podcasts on Spotify, read a few pages of my book, and also save some time for dance videos/vlogs on YouTube. My friend Ishani introduced me to Morning Brew, so that's been my daily read, too. I say all this, but of course, I also nap. It's been a little better, but it's still a common occurrence. Classic Shannon move, I know.
- Podcasts that I've listened to so far: Finance podcasts by Bobby S., the SHE podcast by Jordan Lee Dooley (for self-development), Kwik Brain by Jim Kwik (mental sharpness), On Purpose by Jay Shetty (motivational/adulting), and Ep 73 of Asian Not Asian by Fumi Abe & Mic Nguyen
- Book: Good to Great, by Jim Collins
- As for the gym, I have been increasing my visits at Equinox, getting myself to get to know the instructors and staff there so I feel more acquainted. I have to say, the classes offered at Equinox are top-notch and definitely a different experience than whatever classes I've tried before. I especially love the resistance band workouts, and I just recently tried a very dynamic RMT class and results in a solid full-body workout. I know that Equinox's membership adds up (as does so many other studios like CorePower, OrangeTheory, Studio Three, etc.), but if you'd be interested in a more in-depth explanation about gyms/fitness centers and how/why I picked Equinox, DM me or COMMENT below!
- I think, overall, prioritizing myself for once has been a vital source of my own happiness. I don't mean being inconsiderate of others or being selfish. It's understanding that a genuinely happy me means a better friend, coworker, team member, or family member to everyone around me.
- Work, gymming, and decorating my room have been my main priorities lately, but I also aim to develop and maintain other skills and interests. This is a part of the reason I want to document my journey/process on this blog, find time to skate one weekend, and eventually start editing some of the video footage I have for vlog montages.
Life has so much to offer, and I think that not enough people (including myself) take advantage of it. I'm doing what I can to slowly change my lifestyle and mindset so I can best optimize my independence and make the most of my time in the city. Who knows where I'll be a few years from now, right? I want to know that I put myself in front of opportunities to explore, develop, and also connect with the culture and people of this city.
Here is the apartment list I made for moving into my first unfurnished apartment. Feel free to use as reference if you're moving, too.
See you soon!
Shan
Friday, May 4, 2018
Transitions
Hey there,
The last time I was on here typing out my feelings was the end of my freshman year in 2016... Now the Class of 2018 is about to leave us and time will continue to fly by.
My undergraduate years have truly been the most exciting and rewarding years of my life so far, and I'm so glad I chose U of I to be my home during such a pivotal time of my life. I'd like to say that junior year has been the best so far, even with rough patches and struggles that are inevitable during the transition of growing up. I'm continuing to change and learn more about myself. I am putting myself out there by trying new things and meeting new people. From boba dates, hanging out on the quad, and studying in random buildings around campus, I've fallen in love with this familiarity. This campus of 45,000 undergrads has become a big family that will never be the same without the graduating seniors. The community of a collegetown is one of my favorite aspects of Champaign being isolated in the middle of nowhere. I love seeing recognizable faces everywhere, and a quick conversation or hug can really make a difference on a shitty day. With this realization, I've had time to look back with gratitude to everyone I've met over the last few years who have made even the smallest difference my life, positive and negative.
Everyone says to live in the present, to stop thinking about the past or the future so much. That's difficult, especially when there are days I despise waking up in the morning and I can't find the motivation to do anything. There are times I sit there waiting for my mood to adjust and so I can be happy. This only works on selective days, because most days result in more frustration with myself for wasting time hating my existence. This affects treasured moments with my friends, my commitment to my extra-curriculars, and stops me from pushing myself closer to what I am capable of accomplishing. This past semester, I finally realized I really have to do something about it before my four years of living out this college life comes to an end (thanks to the people who helped me get to this point).
Here's my advice to those who relate: don't be afraid to reach out to resources on campus, because there's so much that universities offer that aren't taken advantage enough. Throw away your pride or anything holding you back to find real SOLUTIONS to the problems you face so you can make the most of your twenties and live out the life you envision. I've tried for years to find my own solutions and to "fix" myself, and even when I've been stuck in the same cycle, I still was too stubborn to try anything else because I wanted to tell myself I could handle it on my own. Sometimes the people you least expect to help can really change your perspective on a lot of things. Go talk to your advisors, drop in during office hours, or make an appointment at the Counseling Center. Be vulnerable, share your thoughts and experiences, and give others a chance to get to know the real you. It helps. Do you what you need to do to give yourself the life you deserve, seriously! I am not saying I'm "cured" or that I never have a bad day, but knowing that I'm taking initiative and reaching out for help gives me hope and reassurance that things will work out in the end, even if I can't always picture it right now. Don't wait until you graduate to wish you did more when you were in school.
So many individuals with different backgrounds, majors, and personalities come together in college and there are many small moments that are taken for granted. Being able to meet so many unique people and seeing the variety of organizations we all contribute to inspires me to push myself and make myself as useful as I can. Illinois has given me so much, and I want to be a strong representation of what alumni from U of I can produce in the workplace and in life. As excited as I am to live out my last year and start a new adventure after college, with the senior class escaping through our fingers so soon, there's been a little bittersweet ache in my stomach every time I think about it. I'm sure the real adult world will be great with the newly-found independence and freedom, but never again will that many students live in all the apartment complexs within a 5-mile radius for friends to run over and hangout and study whenever. How often are we all going to pull allnighters together and order unhealthy food to the library late at night? Who will I hug and greet when we're all out, at a bar or at a dance show? I've grown so close to these people and even with efforts of staying in touch, the truth is, there will be some people I may never cross paths with again. It is the fact of life and I know I need to just suck it up, but nevertheless, I will miss you guys. Best of luck killing it out there in the adult world, and don't be a stranger!
Also shoutout to those graduating high school this year, I'm excited to see what you will accomplish wherever you go! Take everything in and really enjoy every opportunity and experience you encounter.
Ok I got a 1:30 final, goodbye -
Love,
Shan
The last time I was on here typing out my feelings was the end of my freshman year in 2016... Now the Class of 2018 is about to leave us and time will continue to fly by.
My undergraduate years have truly been the most exciting and rewarding years of my life so far, and I'm so glad I chose U of I to be my home during such a pivotal time of my life. I'd like to say that junior year has been the best so far, even with rough patches and struggles that are inevitable during the transition of growing up. I'm continuing to change and learn more about myself. I am putting myself out there by trying new things and meeting new people. From boba dates, hanging out on the quad, and studying in random buildings around campus, I've fallen in love with this familiarity. This campus of 45,000 undergrads has become a big family that will never be the same without the graduating seniors. The community of a collegetown is one of my favorite aspects of Champaign being isolated in the middle of nowhere. I love seeing recognizable faces everywhere, and a quick conversation or hug can really make a difference on a shitty day. With this realization, I've had time to look back with gratitude to everyone I've met over the last few years who have made even the smallest difference my life, positive and negative.
Everyone says to live in the present, to stop thinking about the past or the future so much. That's difficult, especially when there are days I despise waking up in the morning and I can't find the motivation to do anything. There are times I sit there waiting for my mood to adjust and so I can be happy. This only works on selective days, because most days result in more frustration with myself for wasting time hating my existence. This affects treasured moments with my friends, my commitment to my extra-curriculars, and stops me from pushing myself closer to what I am capable of accomplishing. This past semester, I finally realized I really have to do something about it before my four years of living out this college life comes to an end (thanks to the people who helped me get to this point).
Here's my advice to those who relate: don't be afraid to reach out to resources on campus, because there's so much that universities offer that aren't taken advantage enough. Throw away your pride or anything holding you back to find real SOLUTIONS to the problems you face so you can make the most of your twenties and live out the life you envision. I've tried for years to find my own solutions and to "fix" myself, and even when I've been stuck in the same cycle, I still was too stubborn to try anything else because I wanted to tell myself I could handle it on my own. Sometimes the people you least expect to help can really change your perspective on a lot of things. Go talk to your advisors, drop in during office hours, or make an appointment at the Counseling Center. Be vulnerable, share your thoughts and experiences, and give others a chance to get to know the real you. It helps. Do you what you need to do to give yourself the life you deserve, seriously! I am not saying I'm "cured" or that I never have a bad day, but knowing that I'm taking initiative and reaching out for help gives me hope and reassurance that things will work out in the end, even if I can't always picture it right now. Don't wait until you graduate to wish you did more when you were in school.
So many individuals with different backgrounds, majors, and personalities come together in college and there are many small moments that are taken for granted. Being able to meet so many unique people and seeing the variety of organizations we all contribute to inspires me to push myself and make myself as useful as I can. Illinois has given me so much, and I want to be a strong representation of what alumni from U of I can produce in the workplace and in life. As excited as I am to live out my last year and start a new adventure after college, with the senior class escaping through our fingers so soon, there's been a little bittersweet ache in my stomach every time I think about it. I'm sure the real adult world will be great with the newly-found independence and freedom, but never again will that many students live in all the apartment complexs within a 5-mile radius for friends to run over and hangout and study whenever. How often are we all going to pull allnighters together and order unhealthy food to the library late at night? Who will I hug and greet when we're all out, at a bar or at a dance show? I've grown so close to these people and even with efforts of staying in touch, the truth is, there will be some people I may never cross paths with again. It is the fact of life and I know I need to just suck it up, but nevertheless, I will miss you guys. Best of luck killing it out there in the adult world, and don't be a stranger!
Also shoutout to those graduating high school this year, I'm excited to see what you will accomplish wherever you go! Take everything in and really enjoy every opportunity and experience you encounter.
Ok I got a 1:30 final, goodbye -
Love,
Shan
Monday, August 24, 2015
1st Week of College on the Cornfields
I've been on campus for six days now, and the first day of college starts today. I have a lot going through my head, and I am not sure I'm going to be able to articulate the emotions and feelings that I'm experiencing, but I'll try.
The day before move-in day, I was freaking out. I had never been in Illinois before, not to mention being on the gigantic campus. I only knew that there would be a lot of corn, and that the winter time would be harsh. I didn't know if I'd feel like home here, or if I'd like that it was kind of in the middle of nowhere.
The last week has gone way above my expectations and it has been filled with new adventures, new friends (yes, I'm actually making new friends!), and the start of independence of living on my own.
I am loving being a student at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. The diversity is real, and the people are friendly. I feel like I am part of a true community, not just a person looking in from the outside. The school spirit is deafening, and I feel proud to be walking on the campus as a student here. The college town is beautiful, and I am loving seeing green grass instead of brown grass all around campus. The weather is perfect for me (until September that is). I know the winter is going to get brutal, but for now I'm just appreciating the California weather over here. It actually might even be better than Cali weather. There's been a nice breeze going through every day, and even when there are overcast skies, the temperature is still warm enough that I can go out in shorts and a sleeveless shirt.
I have been spotting my high school classmates often, and it makes me happy to be able to re-unite with them, even if it's only for a couple minutes. I'm also enjoying trying new things, exploring, and making new connections with people that grew up in completely different states and have very different backgrounds. I'm learning that we have much more in common than we think we do, especially with the sense of humor I have.
There are a lot of amazing restaurants and PMT spots on Green St., and the food I eat are walked off every time I need to get somewhere by feet. The campus is huge, so I've been walking at least 10,000 steps a day. I don't see the need to go to the gym anymore. Being a student, I am realizing how many discounts we get and I am happy to take 'em. Free admission into a lot of events, discounts on food or store items, and not needing to pay to ride the buses (that's a definite must) or cheap admission into the skating rink makes the college tuition a little more worth it, that is... if I actually get out of my dorm to explore what's out there. I've eaten a lot of free meals, gotten free t-shirts, attended grad night-like events (the LateNighter), and attended my first service event here (we painted the outside building walls at "Salt & Light Ministries
- check them out: http://www.saltandlightministry.org/). There are always a large number of people at each event, because the school is so big. This is nice because it is guaranteed that I will meet people with the same passion and interest I have for something. There are so many other things I can do on campus including bowling, rock-climbing, beach volleyball, watch performances at the Krannert Hall, go to poster sales, attend open mics, or attend mixers and block parties. I don't ever have to worry that I'm the one person out of super small group of people interested in going to an event.
The #1 question I've been getting from people here is, "Why pick Illinois over California?"
I tell them I want to put myself out there, and really experience life as much as I can the next four years. If I don't like it, I can move back. This entire four-year journey is a rare chance, because I'd never come to Urbana-Champaign just as a tourist, or to "sight-see" the corn fields. Even if I only visit a friend for a few days, it wouldn't compare to experience as really living on campus and being a part of the student community here. Seeing orange and blue everywhere, the colors are definitely growing on me more and more each day. I'm bleeding blue and orange, and I haven't even taken my first test yet or met my classmates of the semester.
Yes, Illinois is the #1 party school (people go "trick-or-treating" at night often - if you don't get it, it's okay. It's my own term, haha). But Illinois is also the #1 community I'm glad to be a part of. Most of the 43,603 students on campus are strangers to me, but people are friendly, they are looking out for me, and we are all in this together. Most of the people I talked to this past week, I probably will never see again, but I think there's beauty in that. They may influence me and make a difference without even knowing it. The only thing really bringing us together is our identity with the U of I (I've been getting used to calling it that more, instead of UIUC or saying the full name like I did back home).
Besides a service program, an Asian American club, and ice skating, I might also join a religious group. I went to a Christian fellowship group last night, and I was surprised I got myself there somehow. I haven't been to church consistently in a couple years, and I've been on and off with my faith because I feel that it's too complicated for me to deal with and I have too many questions to figure it out. I'll keep an open mind, and we'll see where this goes.
My dorm is starting to feel like my home (and I'm actually staying pretty neat/organized...for now), and I can shout, "I-N-I," pretty confidently when I hear someone say "I-L-L." The next four years on this campus, in the college town, is going to be the best yet and I really want to take advantage of it. I want to go to events, try new things, meet new people every day. The only thing is that I hope I keep my word to that so I don't let the four years fly by with only stressful and routine days. I am so thankful I have the opportunity to experience college life like this, and the independence factor is frightening but exhilarating. I'm eventually going to have to be fully responsible for myself, and college is definitely a good transition. After college, the career starts (hopefully) and things get real. I'm sure the experience will be rewarding too, but for now I think college is the perfect balance between independence/responsibility, and fun/exploration.
I love this college town, and I can't wait to make the most out of the next four years I have here. I am excited to see how this journey shapes and moves me, and I hope I learn to enjoy everything that happens, positive and negative. This orientation week has gone by way to fast, and I can't believe my first day of college classes start today.
There are so many "nooks" on campus I'm excited to discover throughout the next four years, and too many restaurants I want to try out.
I don't know if I said everything I wanted to say, but I think I got a good chunk of it out of my system. I'm gonna head off to class soon, so see ya!
Best of luck to the upcoming school year,
Shan
P.S- I'm missing all of my friends and family back home! It's weird saying "back home," because I feel like I'm only a couple miles away at some summer camp. You can look forward to another post from me soon, because I'll probably write another post when reality hits me and I start feeling really homesick.
P.P.S- If you're interested in seeing my daily life on campus through pictures, here's a link to the site: https://shanillini.wordpress.com/ It's a project that is part of my ART105 class, Visual Design for non-majors. I'm having a fun start, but I'm also up so late because of this, haha.
The day before move-in day, I was freaking out. I had never been in Illinois before, not to mention being on the gigantic campus. I only knew that there would be a lot of corn, and that the winter time would be harsh. I didn't know if I'd feel like home here, or if I'd like that it was kind of in the middle of nowhere.
The last week has gone way above my expectations and it has been filled with new adventures, new friends (yes, I'm actually making new friends!), and the start of independence of living on my own.
I am loving being a student at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. The diversity is real, and the people are friendly. I feel like I am part of a true community, not just a person looking in from the outside. The school spirit is deafening, and I feel proud to be walking on the campus as a student here. The college town is beautiful, and I am loving seeing green grass instead of brown grass all around campus. The weather is perfect for me (until September that is). I know the winter is going to get brutal, but for now I'm just appreciating the California weather over here. It actually might even be better than Cali weather. There's been a nice breeze going through every day, and even when there are overcast skies, the temperature is still warm enough that I can go out in shorts and a sleeveless shirt.
I have been spotting my high school classmates often, and it makes me happy to be able to re-unite with them, even if it's only for a couple minutes. I'm also enjoying trying new things, exploring, and making new connections with people that grew up in completely different states and have very different backgrounds. I'm learning that we have much more in common than we think we do, especially with the sense of humor I have.
There are a lot of amazing restaurants and PMT spots on Green St., and the food I eat are walked off every time I need to get somewhere by feet. The campus is huge, so I've been walking at least 10,000 steps a day. I don't see the need to go to the gym anymore. Being a student, I am realizing how many discounts we get and I am happy to take 'em. Free admission into a lot of events, discounts on food or store items, and not needing to pay to ride the buses (that's a definite must) or cheap admission into the skating rink makes the college tuition a little more worth it, that is... if I actually get out of my dorm to explore what's out there. I've eaten a lot of free meals, gotten free t-shirts, attended grad night-like events (the LateNighter), and attended my first service event here (we painted the outside building walls at "Salt & Light Ministries
- check them out: http://www.saltandlightministry.org/). There are always a large number of people at each event, because the school is so big. This is nice because it is guaranteed that I will meet people with the same passion and interest I have for something. There are so many other things I can do on campus including bowling, rock-climbing, beach volleyball, watch performances at the Krannert Hall, go to poster sales, attend open mics, or attend mixers and block parties. I don't ever have to worry that I'm the one person out of super small group of people interested in going to an event.
The #1 question I've been getting from people here is, "Why pick Illinois over California?"
I tell them I want to put myself out there, and really experience life as much as I can the next four years. If I don't like it, I can move back. This entire four-year journey is a rare chance, because I'd never come to Urbana-Champaign just as a tourist, or to "sight-see" the corn fields. Even if I only visit a friend for a few days, it wouldn't compare to experience as really living on campus and being a part of the student community here. Seeing orange and blue everywhere, the colors are definitely growing on me more and more each day. I'm bleeding blue and orange, and I haven't even taken my first test yet or met my classmates of the semester.
Yes, Illinois is the #1 party school (people go "trick-or-treating" at night often - if you don't get it, it's okay. It's my own term, haha). But Illinois is also the #1 community I'm glad to be a part of. Most of the 43,603 students on campus are strangers to me, but people are friendly, they are looking out for me, and we are all in this together. Most of the people I talked to this past week, I probably will never see again, but I think there's beauty in that. They may influence me and make a difference without even knowing it. The only thing really bringing us together is our identity with the U of I (I've been getting used to calling it that more, instead of UIUC or saying the full name like I did back home).
Besides a service program, an Asian American club, and ice skating, I might also join a religious group. I went to a Christian fellowship group last night, and I was surprised I got myself there somehow. I haven't been to church consistently in a couple years, and I've been on and off with my faith because I feel that it's too complicated for me to deal with and I have too many questions to figure it out. I'll keep an open mind, and we'll see where this goes.
My dorm is starting to feel like my home (and I'm actually staying pretty neat/organized...for now), and I can shout, "I-N-I," pretty confidently when I hear someone say "I-L-L." The next four years on this campus, in the college town, is going to be the best yet and I really want to take advantage of it. I want to go to events, try new things, meet new people every day. The only thing is that I hope I keep my word to that so I don't let the four years fly by with only stressful and routine days. I am so thankful I have the opportunity to experience college life like this, and the independence factor is frightening but exhilarating. I'm eventually going to have to be fully responsible for myself, and college is definitely a good transition. After college, the career starts (hopefully) and things get real. I'm sure the experience will be rewarding too, but for now I think college is the perfect balance between independence/responsibility, and fun/exploration.
I love this college town, and I can't wait to make the most out of the next four years I have here. I am excited to see how this journey shapes and moves me, and I hope I learn to enjoy everything that happens, positive and negative. This orientation week has gone by way to fast, and I can't believe my first day of college classes start today.
There are so many "nooks" on campus I'm excited to discover throughout the next four years, and too many restaurants I want to try out.
I don't know if I said everything I wanted to say, but I think I got a good chunk of it out of my system. I'm gonna head off to class soon, so see ya!
Best of luck to the upcoming school year,
Shan
P.S- I'm missing all of my friends and family back home! It's weird saying "back home," because I feel like I'm only a couple miles away at some summer camp. You can look forward to another post from me soon, because I'll probably write another post when reality hits me and I start feeling really homesick.
P.P.S- If you're interested in seeing my daily life on campus through pictures, here's a link to the site: https://shanillini.wordpress.com/ It's a project that is part of my ART105 class, Visual Design for non-majors. I'm having a fun start, but I'm also up so late because of this, haha.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Leaving for College
Well, hello there. Here I am again, blogging late at night when I'm getting emotional about something that is happening in my life. I remember wanting to write a blog post on the last 50 days of high school, and here I am feeling knotted about my last summer before college ending already. I want to embrace change, get out of my comfort zone and really experience as much of life as I can. I want to meet new people, open my mind to see more of the world, and learn what it's like to be independent. But I also don't want to do any of that.
In about 24 hours, I'll be all packed up, ready to head to Illinois to start my first year of college. I'm typing this during my last night in my own bed at home. It's sad for me to even think about.
I'm leaving my comfortable home, my family, my good friends, my cats I sometimes neglect, my job, my high school, and all the memories that's been created around the Bay Area the last 18 years. I'd say I had a pretty decent summer, but I just wish time would slow down a little.
I'm going to miss being sassy with my sister. I'm going to miss seeing her skate. I'm scared that I'll come back and she'll be way too tall for my liking and not be the "little" sister I've been with all this time. Seeing her grow up so fast makes it even worse. She's already starting high school, and she's becoming more mature than me (not that I've set a very high standard, but still).
I've been driving almost every day this summer with my dad, who taught me how to drive so that I passed my license test this past Monday (FINALLY)! I was happy that I passed but I was also sad that I'd never drive around with my dad for no reason anymore, other than to get some hours of driving practice whenever we could. It's an odd feeling, working with my dad all summer with the goal of getting my license and then actually finally getting it. And even though it's probably tiring and tedious for him, I'm going to miss getting rides from him from work, to counseling, to volunteering, back to home almost every day of the school year. I'm going to miss sleeping in the car holding a half-eaten breakfast while he drives me to the rink for early morning practices, and eating lunch with him at Creekside park before he drops me off at the empty rink to skate in the early afternoon. I'm going to miss the bowl of fruit he gives me almost every night in addition to the one he packs for me to bring to school (which is also why I made friends in high school). I already miss jogging with him on Wednesday mornings before late start, too.
My mom and I got closer this summer, and she's been through a lot with me. She was there for me for every milestone in my life so far. Every competition, every test, and every change of plan. Even when she knew I was probably going on the path less traveled, she stuck with me even through all my mistakes and all the problems I created for myself. I remember when I was younger and would want to sleep with her in her room, and when she bought me gym membership and invite me to go to 24 Hours Fitness with her. I'm so thankful I have her in my life, because without her I honestly don't know what I'd do. She planned all of my extra-curriculars, activities, and camps as a kid and I'd say I had a pretty fulfilling childhood because of that. Some days I'd come home to smoothies and lunches she prepared for me, even though I already went out to each lunch with my classmates. And even though I only homeschooled for a half a year, it made a pretty big difference in my life. She was also flexible enough to let me go back to public school once I figured out homeschooling wasn't for me.
Our family road trips to National parks, annual ski trips up in Tahoe, and monthly bike rides are all just memories that I'll look back on when I'm an adult reminiscing on my childhood. Or when I'm an incoming college student feeling homesick and freaking out about things I have no control over.
Okay, I'm know I'm just being nostalgic. And even though I have a knot in my stomach already, I'm positive I'll be fine once I step on campus. I'll learn my way around, and I'll eventually get used to living in my new home for the next four years. It's just a crazy thought knowing that things in my life are about to change so drastically and they will never be the same again. I don't trust myself enough to feel ready for all of that right now.
The connections I've made with the people here I will never forget, and I am so glad I've been able to meet the people I have met. Although some connections have fallen apart, some have only grown stronger. I can only be grateful for all the experiences and the moments I've had with these people. If you're reading this post, thanks for caring enough to click on my posts and actually read through all of these.
Also, if you've ever given me a ride, I appreciate it. Chat me up around break and I'll return the favor when we hangout, haha.
'Till next time, San Jose--
Shan
In about 24 hours, I'll be all packed up, ready to head to Illinois to start my first year of college. I'm typing this during my last night in my own bed at home. It's sad for me to even think about.
I'm leaving my comfortable home, my family, my good friends, my cats I sometimes neglect, my job, my high school, and all the memories that's been created around the Bay Area the last 18 years. I'd say I had a pretty decent summer, but I just wish time would slow down a little.
I'm going to miss being sassy with my sister. I'm going to miss seeing her skate. I'm scared that I'll come back and she'll be way too tall for my liking and not be the "little" sister I've been with all this time. Seeing her grow up so fast makes it even worse. She's already starting high school, and she's becoming more mature than me (not that I've set a very high standard, but still).
I've been driving almost every day this summer with my dad, who taught me how to drive so that I passed my license test this past Monday (FINALLY)! I was happy that I passed but I was also sad that I'd never drive around with my dad for no reason anymore, other than to get some hours of driving practice whenever we could. It's an odd feeling, working with my dad all summer with the goal of getting my license and then actually finally getting it. And even though it's probably tiring and tedious for him, I'm going to miss getting rides from him from work, to counseling, to volunteering, back to home almost every day of the school year. I'm going to miss sleeping in the car holding a half-eaten breakfast while he drives me to the rink for early morning practices, and eating lunch with him at Creekside park before he drops me off at the empty rink to skate in the early afternoon. I'm going to miss the bowl of fruit he gives me almost every night in addition to the one he packs for me to bring to school (which is also why I made friends in high school). I already miss jogging with him on Wednesday mornings before late start, too.
My mom and I got closer this summer, and she's been through a lot with me. She was there for me for every milestone in my life so far. Every competition, every test, and every change of plan. Even when she knew I was probably going on the path less traveled, she stuck with me even through all my mistakes and all the problems I created for myself. I remember when I was younger and would want to sleep with her in her room, and when she bought me gym membership and invite me to go to 24 Hours Fitness with her. I'm so thankful I have her in my life, because without her I honestly don't know what I'd do. She planned all of my extra-curriculars, activities, and camps as a kid and I'd say I had a pretty fulfilling childhood because of that. Some days I'd come home to smoothies and lunches she prepared for me, even though I already went out to each lunch with my classmates. And even though I only homeschooled for a half a year, it made a pretty big difference in my life. She was also flexible enough to let me go back to public school once I figured out homeschooling wasn't for me.
Our family road trips to National parks, annual ski trips up in Tahoe, and monthly bike rides are all just memories that I'll look back on when I'm an adult reminiscing on my childhood. Or when I'm an incoming college student feeling homesick and freaking out about things I have no control over.
Okay, I'm know I'm just being nostalgic. And even though I have a knot in my stomach already, I'm positive I'll be fine once I step on campus. I'll learn my way around, and I'll eventually get used to living in my new home for the next four years. It's just a crazy thought knowing that things in my life are about to change so drastically and they will never be the same again. I don't trust myself enough to feel ready for all of that right now.
The connections I've made with the people here I will never forget, and I am so glad I've been able to meet the people I have met. Although some connections have fallen apart, some have only grown stronger. I can only be grateful for all the experiences and the moments I've had with these people. If you're reading this post, thanks for caring enough to click on my posts and actually read through all of these.
Also, if you've ever given me a ride, I appreciate it. Chat me up around break and I'll return the favor when we hangout, haha.
'Till next time, San Jose--
Shan
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